I Will Live for Your Death - Chapter 24

“Are you out for a walk?”

“Yes, I felt like taking a short walk…”

“I’ll accompany you.”

“Lebel. There are many eyes watching in the palace.”

She recalled previously cautioning Lebel. To be careful with his words in the palace. This time, it was a warning about gazes. Who knew what kind of rumors the nobles wandering the palace might spread if they witnessed them.

“It’s alright if I’m by your side.”

Lebel’s answer was ambiguous. Whether he meant he would protect her, or take measures to remain unseen, was unclear.

But for some reason, she felt trust. Could such faith be felt towards a stranger?

She hesitated, gazing into Lebel’s eyes that sparkled almost overwhelmingly. If she were to refuse, it seemed the other party would be more hurt. Thoughts from the tea time were long forgotten.

In the end, Ilarid nodded as if entranced.

“Then… please do.”

**

Silence filled the entire walk. It had been a while since she walked with a stranger after entering the imperial palace.

Strangely, throughout the journey to the Empress’s Palace, everyone passing by paid no attention to Ilarid and Lebel. It wasn’t just because they didn’t come close; even in situations where they should have been noticeable from afar, no one seemed to care.

Is he really using magic? Ilarid looked at Lebel walking beside her. More precisely, she looked up at him. Lebel was easily more than a head taller, naturally casting a shadow over her.

It’s natural to be wary of people you’re meeting for the first time. You have to keep suspecting and calculating whether they are approaching with other motives, what kind of person they are.

Above all, he was someone she needed to win over in the near future. She needed to get to know him through conversation and become closer. What should she say first?

Ilarid, having made her own big decision, asked Lebel.

“Lebel. I’m curious about something.”

“What is it?”

His clear eyes began to sparkle brightly. Facing Lebel, filled with pure expectation and curiosity, Ilarid decided to ask the one thing she was most curious about.

“Do you… use magic, by any chance?”

It was an absurd question even in retrospect.

After a very brief moment passed, Ilarid wanted to cover her mouth and turn back time. Who would ask out of the blue if someone uses magic?

Magic was a special ability that only those born in the Eastern Continent could use. The supernatural power called ‘Sulsik’ had spread like a legend among the people of the Western Continent.

But since they had never actually met anyone who could use it, the legend remained as a rumor. Now, Ilarid had essentially asked him if he could use this mysterious power that was passed down by word of mouth.

Strangely, her face began to heat up. Had talking to others always been this awkward and nerve-wracking? Unable to organize her flustered thoughts, she stuttered as she continued speaking.

“It’s just that, um, it feels like other people don’t notice your presence at all…”

Her hand naturally rose to her flushed cheeks. Ilarid barely regained her composure, feeling the cool sensation of her hand. She kept making mistakes in front of this person. At this rate, she might end up being ridiculed later, let alone winning him over.

Looking at the faltering Ilarid, Lebel smiled and shook his head. Unlike the atmosphere he exuded, a gentle voice flowed out.

“Whether it’s magic or not, I don’t know either. I only guess that I’ve become accustomed to concealing my presence since adulthood.”

It wasn’t entirely convincing, but there was no lie in his words. Perhaps he had received special training, or could use some magic unknown even to himself.

What kind of person was he? Ilarid knew nothing about Lebel’s background.

Most mercenaries were retired soldiers, or sometimes their children inherited the profession. Among them were nomads from the north, but she had also heard of those from slave backgrounds.

People who didn’t even know their birth. Those for whom receiving a name was the greatest blessing of their life.

Which side did Lebel belong to?

“And it seems to have some unintended effect on the surroundings as well.”

Lebel grabbed the cloak draped over his back and covered Ilarid. Someone’s footsteps were heard nearby, but they passed by without noticing Ilarid and Lebel’s presence.

“That’s amazing.”

“It’s how I made a living.”

He shrugged his shoulders lightly as he lowered the cloak. His attitude was casual, as if addressing a long-time friend.

He was unfamiliar yet somehow familiar. Was it because they had met at the tavern last time? Ilarid casually threw a question at him, pretending not to know.

It was a kind of test. If he was quick-witted and perceptive, he would have realized that the person he met at the tavern was the Empress.

“It’s strange. You don’t feel unfamiliar to me.”

“Yes. It is strange.”

A chilling sensation suddenly enveloped her. A tone as if he had figured out everything about her. A voice that made the listener tense up circled around Ilarid.

“I didn’t expect the woman at the center of the commotion that day at the tavern to be in the imperial palace.”

Pass. Ilarid’s lips curved into a beautiful arc. She looked at him, deliberately calm and nonchalant, with her arms crossed.

“You caught me. I just wanted to get some fresh air, who knew we’d meet there.”

“Thanks to Your Majesty the Empress stepping in, it didn’t escalate into a bigger incident. Fortunately.”

Of course, even that was a planned event. Ilarid deliberately feigned innocence. Fearing her voice might tremble, she subtly tensed her throat.

“…Will you keep it a secret? The fact that the Empress secretly went out to a tavern outside the palace isn’t good for my reputation either.”

“Understood.”

“We haven’t known each other long, but we already have a secret.”

“It’s an honor to share a secret with Your Majesty the Empress.”

Lebel bowed slightly, offering a light gesture of gratitude. Thanking for something like this? His behavior was so different from what he showed in front of Selina that Ilarid began to wonder which was his true self.

“Are you… alright?”

“Ah…”

His eyes scanned Ilarid. It was a purely innocent gaze without a trace of malice. Ilarid realized that she hadn’t even properly thanked Lebel yet.

“My thanks are late. I’m truly grateful for that day. Thanks to you, I recovered well.”

“I was worried… you didn’t seem to be sleeping properly.”

Concern from a strange foreigner. Words of worry that she could never hear from the one she had lived with as a spouse for years.

A warm gaze mixed with concern for others descended upon Ilarid. Lebel’s deep gaze contained sincere feelings.

Ilarid felt something welling up at the pit of her stomach. Could she accept such unadorned sincerity as it was?

It took quite a while to realize that a corner of her heart had burst open and was slowly flowing out through the cracks. After hesitating for a long time, she managed to continue speaking.

“…It’s a chronic headache. Thank you for your concern.”

She started walking ahead of Lebel. Lebel stared at the slowly distancing Empress. Ilarid, who had started first, failed to notice that his eyes were burning fiercely.

“Your Majesty the Empress.”

Lebel’s voice caught her ankle. As Ilarid slowly turned around, he was standing like a shadow stretched behind the Empress.

“War will break out soon.”

Ilarid nodded quietly as she looked at him. It was a fact she had anticipated. She had been preparing mentally after receiving news of troops gathering near the border.

Now was the time to properly judge this mercenary’s abilities. If he returns victorious from the war, then she would properly win him over.

“You’ll be going to war too. Please take good care of His Majesty the Emperor from now on.”

Saying words she didn’t mean was quite exhausting. Lebel remained silent at Ilarid’s request. The answer that came from his closed lips was completely different.

“Do you have any separate orders?”

Yes. I need you very much. Ilarid wanted to grab his hands and cling to him. Out of dozens of words, the one sentence Ilarid barely chose was:

“In this battle, we must… achieve victory.”

It was a statement that encompassed everything. As soon as the words ended, Lebel knelt on one knee and brought Ilarid’s hand to his lips.

A request for silence, a promise of love, an unchanging future. At the end of all vows was a kiss. A pleasant warmth spread across the back of Ilarid’s hand.

She entrusted everything to Lebel’s hands. The results, and the events to come.

Lebel slowly brought the Empress’s hand to his forehead. It was an act bordering on worship.

His low voice flowed into Ilarid along with her hand.

“I will obey Your Majesty the Empress’s command.”

Why? Hearing Lebel’s voice made her feel like she might burst into tears. Ilarid hoped that this vow would not change.

“Your Majesty the Empress, are you really alright?”

“Yes.”

Ilarid, who had returned from the tea time at the Empress Consort’s Palace, looked as if she might cry if touched. Lynette, who immediately noticed the change, poured out her worries and followed the Empress around.

Ilarid, who usually didn’t clearly express tears, let alone smiles or anger, was shaken. What on earth had happened at the Empress Consort’s Palace to make her so agitated?

“Lynette. I’m really fine. I want to concentrate, so could you leave for a moment?”

What could she do when the Empress herself said she was fine and asked her to leave? Before being a friend, she was the Empress who needed to be served. Lynette left the office quietly without adding any more words.

As soon as the sound of the door closing was heard, Ilarid collapsed onto the desk. There was much to think about, and much that needed to be done.

‘I need to find out where the head maid of the Empress Consort’s Palace went. Selina, or maybe Cledius, would know her whereabouts.’

Perhaps she had been harmed for offending Selina’s mood.

Cledius probably gave Selina the authority to make decisions. There was a possibility that Selina, excited by wielding power for the first time, had swung it recklessly.

And Lebel.

The person who whispered against the back of her hand, saying he would obey her command. Recalling that kindness, Ilarid’s eyes welled up again.

But she absolutely did not shed tears. Hadn’t she resolved to cry only at the very end? She closed her eyes tightly and swallowed back the hot sensation that was welling up.

Using people without emotion was difficult no matter how much one resolved to do so. People were not objects. They couldn’t be handled or bound at will by others.

And every time she looked into Lebel’s eyes, guilt washed over her. Could she ruthlessly use someone who looked at her with such clear eyes?

Ilarid looked at the back of her hand where Lebel had kissed. The sensation that had been dry and rough but warm. The warmth had long since disappeared. She closed her eyes and gently pressed her lips to that spot.

May he return safely, and fight for me. The wish left only a faint trace, holding onto the trembling.

‘…How foolish.’

What a state this was. Ilarid clenched the hand she had spread out and collapsed onto the desk. Hadn’t she decided to use him? Then it would be right to erase all personal emotions. She couldn’t let emotions ruin her work needlessly.

The trembling rising from her heart was just because of the kindness she had encountered after a long time. That’s how she had to think of it and move on.