I Will Live for Your Death - Chapter 108

“……Empress?”

Cledius opened his eyes wide as he remembered someone.

The maid of Ilarid closely resembled the Empress in the eye area. Of course, their outward aura was worlds apart.

According to the information obtained before Selina entered as a ‘shadow’, she did have an older sister.

But Selina never once brought up the topic of blood relatives. He could only assume that they weren’t on good terms.

“Sisters, is it. They don’t resemble each other at all.”

“You flatter me.”

It wasn’t meant as a compliment. Cledius gave a short laugh and made a light gesture with his chin. Although it was quite rude behavior to show to a maid, Alice continued speaking without minding.

“As Her Majesty the Empress needs to undress, please withdraw now.”

“I know that body as well as you do, having seen it many times.”

“However, Your Majesty’s sentence lacks the Empress’s consent.”

Perhaps emboldened by Alice’s firm yet clear words, Lynette and the other maids also stood up and added their voices.

“Your Majesty. Please return now. The rest is the maids’ duty.”

“When the Empress wakes, we will send word to the Imperial Palace again……”

“I’m just trying to examine the damage done to what’s mine. We’ve faced each other countless times in unity, is there a problem?”

The maids’ skin crawled.

The clearly audible words “what’s mine” were chillingly sharp. It almost sounded like he was checking if the value of goods had decreased.

But they couldn’t just let the Emperor see the Empress’s naked body like this. Alice once again clearly expressed the will of the Empress’s Palace.

“However, today is not a day of unity. As Her Majesty the Empress has not yet regained consciousness, please avert your gaze.”

She showed not an inch of compromise. Cledius slowly folded his arms and looked at the Empress’s new, audacious maid.

She was bold in a different way from Selina.

The difference was whether one became flexible or more rigid upon realizing the other party was the Emperor.

In the end, it was Cledius who raised his hands first. He gave a short, hollow laugh and walked towards the door.

“Her Majesty will be moved by your loyalty. I shall withdraw now.”

The tense atmosphere dissipated with a click, anticlimactically. As soon as the bedroom door closed, the maids simultaneously heaved sighs of relief.

“Miss Alice, well done.”

“Seeing as my neck is still intact, I must have used up a decade’s worth of luck.”

Alice rubbed her neck area several times, feeling strangely uneasy.

She had heard plenty about the Emperor. When disguised as Allen and going out, she would quietly overhear people cursing the Emperor among the commoners.

Thanks to the war-crazed Emperor, taxes and prices were steadily climbing towards the ceiling, and he didn’t hesitate to round up and torture innocent people under the pretext of suppressing the republican faction.

It was fortunate that at least the newspapers were somewhat free, albeit limited. Even the all-powerful Empress Dowager couldn’t control the newspapers.

Although they were somewhat lenient towards articles that criticized the Emperor to some extent for the sake of the press, the major newspapers still had to be wary of the Emperor’s mood due to Cledius’s particularly ominous aura.

The only place where one could freely speak out was in magazines that carried news of the nobles’ social circles or gossip from the Imperial Palace.

Alice pressed her lips together. And she carefully began to wipe Ilarid’s blood-stained body again.

What would be in today’s morning papers? Would they be filled with news of the unprecedented corruption scandal caused by the nobles, or…

‘If nothing is published… I’ll really plant bombs at every newspaper office.’

Ilarid had not yet awakened. Only her quiet breathing indicated her stability and well-being.

**

Fortunately, the tragedy of Alice planting bombs at every newspaper office did not occur.

All newspapers unanimously covered the corruption case at the Academy. Even newspapers known to be friendly to the Imperial family carried the news, albeit in small print.

In particular, the corruption exposed by students who climbed to the main building was illustrated and filled the front pages of most newspapers.

All newspapers in the Empire were filled with content about how the Empress had stepped forward to protect the students who exposed the corruption and tried to listen to their stories.

Had there ever been a time when so many newspapers wrote the same article with one heart and mind?

Alice sat by Ilarid’s side, reading the newspaper articles. Though she was still asleep, Alice hoped she could hear even in her dreams.

“I’m really glad it wasn’t buried.”

But just because it was reported didn’t mean it was completely resolved.

Cecilia and the students, as well as the professors who helped them, were still at the Military Academy. They shouldn’t have to suffer even after the world’s attention has faded.

“If Her Majesty the Empress knew… she would be pleased.”

Perhaps due to Cledius’s gag order, the attempted assassination of the Empress was not reported. Still, it would be better for Ilarid to get up and move quickly.

As soon as they realize the Empress has fallen, they will try to erase the special inspection of the Academy as if it never happened.

Letitia, the court physician, examined the Empress’s condition and left with earnest requests for her to rest for a while.

‘Though she was poisoned, fortunately the detoxification progressed quickly.’

This time, it was thanks to Cledius. Even Lynette had to admit it.

And Lebel.

Perhaps he hasn’t heard the news yet? It was strange that he wasn’t seen.

As if they had grown accustomed to the ‘shadow’ being in the Empress’s Palace, the palace without Lebel somehow felt lonely and desolate.

Lynette approached the balcony and opened the window wide. The midday sunlight was dazzlingly beautiful.

The wind, warmed by the light, entered the Empress’s Palace and slightly ruffled Ilarid’s hair.

“I wonder if he’ll come today.”

Now that even the night air has become quite warm, it should be fine to leave the window open for a day or so.

Lynette also instructed the maids separately.

That perhaps today, the ‘shadow’ might visit.

**

It was a white dream. Ilarid walked forward in a space glowing white all around.

Though barefoot, it was warm. She had always thought white was cold, but perhaps that was a misconception.

Maybe this wasn’t a dream, but walking inside someone’s heart.

“……Lebel.”

As she quietly held the name in her mouth, her surroundings reverberated lightly. At the same time, Ilarid felt a tremor run through her body. Was this how you felt when you called my name?

The name that her brother said he had given her himself.

The name he said was a precious gift he always wanted to tell her about someday.

“Lebel.”

Wind blew from somewhere. Which direction? If she walked that way, could she exit this space? Ilarid closed her eyes and tried to discern where the lukewarm wind was coming from.

When she finally opened her eyes, the night breeze was coming in through the open window.

It was a pleasantly cool breeze. Did the maids forget to close it, or was it intentional?

The surroundings were familiar. Just seeing the view of the Empress’s bedroom made her feel at ease. Perhaps because she had been deeply asleep before waking, her mind was still hazy.

Ilarid slowly raised herself from the bed.

As she tried to straighten her waist, a light groan escaped her lips.

She could feel traces of treated wounds under her nightgown. Even if not for the injuries, her whole body felt stiff, perhaps from lying down for so long.

Or was it because of the poison?

Cledius’s voice came to mind again.

‘I worked hard to detoxify and save you, yet I don’t even get a word of thanks.’

It was certainly something to be grateful for, but it gave her an uneasy feeling instead.

‘Should I be thankful that he still has feelings for me?’

Cledius wants Ilarid alive. And he craves a living, breathing heart.

What on earth is this damned thing called a heart? Can one throw mockery and insults at another while harboring fond feelings?

That’s why Ilarid still didn’t trust Cledius.

It seemed like he had been whispering something in her ear constantly. Even recalling it now made her feel like bugs were crawling up her arms and legs.

For a moment, she thought of Lebel’s outer garment hidden in the box under the bed.

Ilarid got up from the bed and knelt down on the floor. Then she reached out and pulled out the hidden box.

The shadow left by the ‘shadow’. She carefully hugged his outer garment.

If she fell asleep like this, would she be able to see you?

There was a faint scent of him. A strange fragrance that smelled like iron, or perhaps the fishy smell of crushed grass. She wanted to take it all in, not missing a single bit, right into her skin.

The air in the room gradually began to change to a different scent. With every breath, it felt as if she was being held by him. The warm voice that always soothed her slowly, wishing her sweet dreams.

Ilarid lay on the bed, holding the outer garment close to her chest. A fitting warmth filled the lukewarm night air.

Sleepiness that had not yet fully dissipated came over her again. She covered her face with the outer garment.

Wishing that you would be there when I open my eyes. While hoping that.

How should he interpret this?

Lebel hesitated for a moment, pacing near the bed without approaching.

He had never imagined the sight of his lady sleeping while hugging his outer garment.

He had vaguely wondered where she might have put it, but never thought it would be in the bedroom.

When he arrived at the Empress’s Palace, he hadn’t even expected this much. He thought Cledius might still be in the Empress’s Palace.

Who knows, he might be monitoring under the pretext of checking on the Empress’s condition.

And as soon as he saw Ilarid’s face, he would likely urge himself without realizing.

Who tried to kill you, did you see their face? I will surely end that bastard’s life, he would swear while kneeling. He thought he would continue making such promises.

But contrary to Lebel’s complicated thoughts, the balcony of the Empress’s bedroom was wide open.

It was a simple and gentle welcome. The white curtains fluttering in the night air beckoned to Lebel. Come in, it’s alright.

It was close to gambling. In the worst case, he might meet Cledius’s eyes as soon as he stepped onto the balcony.

Even trampling over all the worst scenarios he had imagined and calculated, Lebel wanted to confirm Ilarid’s safety.

He lightly climbed the wall and grabbed the balcony railing, jumping up.

And the scene he witnessed was the current situation.

All the tangled worries disappeared, and only Ilarid remained in Lebel’s mind.

The slender figure lying on her side moved up and down slightly. Judging by her stable breathing, Ilarid’s safety was certain.

Lebel barely moved his trembling feet. If he didn’t turn back and leave now, he didn’t know what he might do.

It was when he had just turned around and taken a few steps.

“……Lebel.”

A voice thick with sleep was heard. Lebel stopped right where he was.

The wind ruffled the curtains again and moved his unsettled heart. The temperature of his heart, which he thought was lukewarm, began to rise again.

Why does your voice always hold me back? Why does the sound of your approaching footsteps always make me stop?

Ilarid called him again. Lebel. This time it’s not a dream.

My small rebellion that ran through the night. The one person I wish would call my name.

Had he turned into a statue in the moonlight? Lebel stood with his back turned, not turning his body or gaze towards Ilarid.

“I’m back.”

A lot happened and it was a bit long, but still, I’m back. The end of the greeting that signaled a safe return and put an end to the waiting trembled carefully.

Lebel heard the sound of Ilarid walking. The sound of bare feet lightly brushing the carpet made Lebel move.

He immediately turned around and reached Ilarid in just a few steps.

And without hesitation, he bent down and embraced Ilarid. The scent he had longed for for days hit him from the naturally touched nape of her neck.

Lebel suppressed his trembling breath. There were mountains of questions he wanted to ask. Was she alright where she was hurt, were there any other abnormalities in her body, was she no longer in pain?

But the only word that came out was:

“……Ilarid.”

Once her name burst out, it couldn’t be stopped. Ilarid was mixed into every breath. Lebel whispered her name countless times as he held her.

All sorts of thoughts crossed his mind even as he approached her.

Should he pick her up and kiss her right away, or drag her to bed and offer all the desire he could express?

But kisses can be done anytime. Other things can be done by making bad excuses and being stubborn and persistent.

In a relationship where only titles existed, naming was special.

Lebel chose Ilarid’s name. The most precious name to each other, the one that must never be forgotten.

“Ilarid.”

I missed you, my lady.

The taut night air had somehow loosened and swirled at their feet. He confirmed her safety by engraving Ilarid’s name over and over again.