I Will Live for Your Death - Chapter 1

A peaceful afternoon had settled over the Empress’s Palace, bringing with it a quiet tranquility.

The serenity was tinged with yellow as it basked in the sunlight, gradually creeping in through the gaps in the windows.

Ilarid had temporarily dismissed all her ladies-in-waiting, including the head lady-in-waiting, Lynette. Thanks to this, the palace maids and servants were able to enjoy a brief moment of rest.

She closed the door of the empty office and sat back down at her desk. The neatly organized desktop gleamed with a polished sheen.

Lest her face be reflected, Ilarid began to stack her work neatly on the desk.

A sheet of pure white paper lay on the desk, and next to it, a glass inkwell sparkled in the light.

She picked up her pen as she did without fail every day. The afternoon’s transcription was one of the Empress’s daily routines that she never skipped.

‘Do you really have to transcribe? If you want to calm your mind, needlework or reading would be much better.’

Once, as she was clutching her aching wrist, Lynette had rushed over and given her an earful. But it seemed that even this boring and tedious task was necessary to soothe her turbulent heart.

The wooden pen holder was fitted with a well-trained nib. The entire process of opening the inkwell and dipping the nib was carried out quietly and elegantly, as if water were flowing.

It was truly a demeanor befitting an Empress.

The text she transcribed was always the same. Ilarid unrolled a vertically rolled scroll. The long paper unfurled with a heavy thud, reaching the floor.

At the top of the worn-looking scroll was the title “Rules for the Empress” written in large letters. It was a long-standing guidebook for empresses passed down in the imperial family.

Ilarid’s white hands and the white paper beneath them shone dazzlingly. The golden nib glided lightly over them. Her neat handwriting, admired by all the imperial family and nobles, stood out.

Modest and wise Ilarid.

When referring to her, people always attached those two words. It was an undeniable description for anyone who had encountered the Empress even once.

An elegant and graceful figure, and an atmosphere that could not be easily approached, always surrounded Ilarid.

The nib began to flow gently along the paper.

Following its movement, a few strands of bright silver hair hanging by her ear fell along her cheek. Ilarid blinked her deep green eyes slowly, carefully inscribing every sentence from the scroll.

[Above all, an empress must always maintain a composed mind. She must overcome all crises with detachment and always be by the Emperor’s side…]

Suddenly, there was a thud from the wall of the adjacent room.

The sudden noise in the midst of the silence was like a dissonant chord. The nib in Ilarid’s hand stuttered, spitting out tiny specks of ink.

She calmly began to wipe away the black dots with a nearby handkerchief.

The wall shook once more. Mixed in with it was someone’s cry of ecstasy.

The sharp sound, let out at full volume, penetrated the wall and reached Ilarid’s ears. She knew who the sound belonged to.

The Emperor’s hidden mistress, Selina le Diobe, known as the ‘Shadow’.

Soon after, the sound of the Emperor’s low groan was heard. The rough breathing of the man and woman continued incessantly.

Why, of all places in this vast imperial palace, did it have to be next to the Empress’s Palace, and right in the room next to her? As if they already knew the Empress was in this room.

Ilarid put down the handkerchief stained with black ink here and there and picked up her pen again.

Was this the first or second time she had experienced this? The goings-on in the next room could be ignored as usual, as if nothing was happening.

Should we renovate for better soundproofing? How much of the Empress’s Palace budget was left? Ilarid brushed it off like that, pretending not to hear, and straightened her posture to focus on her transcription again.

By now, the noise was heading towards its climax. Selina’s voice calling out “Your Majesty” grew louder. The breathless moans intermingled and then suddenly stopped.

‘It’s finally over.’

Ilarid shook her head almost imperceptibly.

The nib scratched, leaving only an ink stain on the paper that hadn’t been fully expelled.

The writing that left only a trace became an empty past. The hand that dipped the pen back into the inkwell began to tingle.

It was after she had written a few more sentences. The door opposite her desk burst open, revealing a man. A servant, unable to stop him in time, was bowing his head.

Only one person could behave so rudely in front of Ilarid – the Emperor, Cledius.

“How elegant indeed.”

His sarcastic words slithered in like snakes. Ilarid’s hands and feet tensed involuntarily, but she calmly steadied her breath and slowly raised her head.

Cledius leaned against the door, looking towards where Ilarid was sitting. His deep red eyes, the opposite of Ilarid’s, pierced into her relentlessly.

His beautiful golden hair waved over the ornate door decorations. His attire was disheveled, unbefitting of an emperor’s position.

Cledius’s skin was blatantly visible through the gaping fabric. Ilarid lowered her gaze back to the paper she had been transcribing, without showing even a hint of surprise.

Was there not even a moment to tidy up and come?

Surely not. Ilarid ignored the Emperor’s skewed gaze and focused more intently on the feel of the pen tip.

Low footsteps were heard, then stopped abruptly in front of her desk.

“The Empress must be virtuous… What’s the use of all this?”

The mocking tone, accompanied by a click of the tongue, was slow but enough to grate on one’s nerves. Cledius’s finger suddenly entered Ilarid’s field of vision.

He sneered as he scattered the papers Ilarid had been transcribing, one by one.

Ilarid laid down her pen to press Cledius’s hand. Then, without looking at him, she calmly said:

“It’s one of my daily routines.”

“Is a virtuous empress your dream? So I’ve come all this way, but not even a change in expression…”

“Go wash up and come back.”

“Why, do you dislike the smell of another woman on me?”

He asked as if it were a natural question and brought his hand to Ilarid’s cheek. An unpleasant heat flowed down her cheek.

Ilarid frowned and looked up, and Cledius’s deep red eyes were curved in a smile.

It was clearly a sneer, but strangely, he seemed to be enjoying it. Is this situation amusing? Ilarid felt her breath catch.

It was incredibly arrogant for a man who had openly engaged with his mistress while his wife was in the next room.

Strictly speaking, Selina was not officially affiliated with the imperial family. In the Astrid Imperial Palace, such individuals were referred to as ‘Shadows’.

Beings who couldn’t appear in official settings but lived receiving the affection of the imperial family. They could live secretly within the imperial palace under the protection of the imperial family.

Rules like the ones Ilarid was transcribing had long since become mere scraps of paper. Having one or two mistresses after ascending to the position of Emperor or Empress was as common as breathing. It was the freedom of those in power to bring in as many Shadows as they pleased.

But all love should be fair, and relationships should be discreet.

No matter how absolute the Emperor’s power was, there were lines that should not be crossed. At the very least, the Empress deserved to be shown even a superficial affection.

However, Cledius had already gone far beyond that. It was a blatant case of favoring only the ‘Shadow’.

He didn’t hesitate to display his affection even near where the Empress could see and hear. He brought Selina along to the Emperor’s Palace, the gardens, and even official events where many nobles gathered.

For Cledius, implicit rules were nothing more than dust that could be blown away.

As a result, the Empress’s authority and honor were slowly falling within the imperial palace.

Ilarid quietly exhaled the breath that had been caught at the end of her solar plexus. Then she picked up her pen and brushed away Cledius’s hand that was still on her cheek. At this moment, she didn’t want any part of her husband touching her body.

“If you remain in such a disheveled state, it will tarnish the Emperor’s dignity.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“Yes. What other reason could there be?”

Ilarid’s green eyes were unwavering. They held a clear light that would probably endure any storm with detachment.

Cledius frowned as he looked into his wife’s eyes, which showed not even the slightest movement. It was obvious that saying anything more would be futile.

He turned his back on Ilarid and walked away without a word.

If insult had a smell, this would probably be it. A fishy, unpleasant odor crept up to Ilarid.

She shook her head a few times and then fixed her gaze on the scattered papers. However, it was difficult to completely hide the sigh that escaped.

As soon as Cledius opened the door, a clear and melodious voice rang out, as if it had been waiting.

“Your Majesty!”

Along with a fresh, youthful fragrance, bright pink hair touched Cledius’s bare chest.

Two innocent lime-green eyes looked up boldly at Cledius.

Selina, who had already freshened up, embraced the Emperor’s waist with the grace of a blooming flower.

It was hard to imagine that she was the same person who had been moaning and gasping passionately just moments ago.

“You embrace me once and then leave like that, I feel neglected.”

“You’re quite adorably jealous.”

“But you said earlier that there was only me…”

“That’s right. In this country, you, Selina, are the only one who receives the Emperor’s love.”

Cledius ran his hand through Selina’s hair. His fingers began to gently tangle between each strand.

Accepting his touch, Selina shivered lightly and burrowed deeper into the Emperor’s embrace.

This was power.

The one who received the Emperor’s love naturally gained power within the imperial family. She knew this fact better than anyone.

The attitude of the maids in charge of Selina and the luxurious items filling her room were proof of this.

It seemed like yesterday that her family had fallen and she had struggled, but now she felt like she had gained absolute power.

Selina boldly stood on her tiptoes and kissed Cledius, as if to show off. Only a ‘Shadow’ in the palace would dare to kiss the Emperor first. He chuckled and willingly reciprocated Selina’s audacity.

Their intertwined fingers tightened even more. Their breaths filled the corridor stickily and squeezed through the open door.

While exchanging lips with his mistress, Cledius glanced at Ilarid. His upturned red eyes swept over Ilarid in the room.

‘Look here.’

How could she not be bothered? She must be pretending not to see, biting her lip while telling herself she needs to maintain her dignity as the Empress.

Please let it be so.

But his expectation was beautifully off the mark. Ilarid in the room was still busily moving her pen, showing not the slightest interest in the two people outside.

It wasn’t that Ilarid was unaware of their antics. Even if she closed her eyes and moved her hand, her ears were bound to be open.

With the surroundings so quiet, the whispers of the two humans entered Ilarid’s ears without being buried in other noise.

There was a lesson Ilarid had learned from spending quite a long time in the imperial palace.

If you can’t filter it out, ignore it thoroughly.

If there’s an existence in life that you can’t remove, isn’t it enough to live as if it never existed in the first place?

How much time had passed? The two people at the door had disappeared somewhere.

It felt like she could finally breathe properly. When she reached the last sentence of the scroll, Ilarid put down her pen and let out a big sigh. The tightness at the end of her solar plexus that had been uncomfortable until just now seemed to loosen a little.

Ilarid began to organize the papers spread out on the desk. The period of the last sentence had spread along the grain of the paper.

She had tried to pretend not to see them, but it seemed her concentration had scattered without her realizing it. A bitter smile involuntarily appeared on Ilarid’s lips.

It can’t be helped. She was already sick of letting things go. She gathered all her desires and thoughts on paper and neatly folded them into the bottom drawer of the desk.

As she closed the drawer, a few sheets of paper inside fluttered. Some of the papers had symbols representing noble families drawn on them, while others did not.

Reading the beginning, they appeared to be ordinary greeting letters. However, upon careful examination of the content, they were letters promising cooperation with the Empress.

‘We have not forgotten the grace of the former Countess Melpiram.’

‘Remembering the beautiful day in May.’

Melpiram. That name that had now become a dangerous word. Ilarid’s own family, now rebels who had disappeared without a trace.

Ilarid pushed the letters deep between the papers where she had transcribed the ‘Rules for the Empress’.

‘Mother. Father. And brother.’

The horrific images of her family that appeared in her dreams when she fell asleep. The sight of them being executed as traitors was a nightmare that constantly entangled Ilarid.

The one who had annihilated them was none other than her husband, Cledius.

‘I will end this with my own hands. Without fail.’

Ilarid gripped the drawer handle tightly. Compared to the anger boiling inside her, the drawer closed relatively quietly.

She returned to her composed posture as the Empress. It was time to start the next task.