I Regret The Kindness I Gave You - Chapter 5
Elizabeth stared intently at Merche, her breathing short and ragged.
Twenty years ago today, the day I gave birth to a son who didn’t breathe.
If only that small, red newborn had simply breathed like the others, a grown son would be standing there now.
Every year in mid-October, the people of the castle felt sorry for her as she fainted or suffered from a fever.
Losing a child was bad enough, but being declared infertile less than a year later – her pitiful state was certainly deserving of sympathy.
But in the eyes of Elizabeth, who received that pity, there was someone even more pitiful than herself.
That child, Merche, who took the place of her son.
At the mere age of seven, Merche was isolated in an unfamiliar castle, separated from her family, and lost even her parents at the hands of the cold-blooded Genovefa.
It was done to preemptively cut off any potential interference from maternal relatives.
“I will be loyal for the sake of the Lupinus family. Please, spare my younger sister. I will ensure we never bring shame to the family.”
The image of Merche prostrating with her terribly small body, begging for her sister’s life, came to mind.
That face, holding back tears until the end despite eyes swollen red, that pitifully trembling voice.
It was an ordeal no child of that young age could endure.
Yet that child endured it. All to save her sister’s life.
In that regard, Merche Ashtad was a truly strong being.
More aristocratic than anyone, flawlessly perfect.
Even if she couldn’t dominate the pack of wolves, that was because she was from a branch family and her Lupinus blood was thin – it wasn’t Merche’s fault.
In fact, didn’t she show thoroughly perfect results in all aspects besides wolf domination?
In Elizabeth’s eyes, Merche was more than qualified as the successor to the Lupinus family head.
And yet, despite knowing him… Why did she find that child so uncomfortable?
“Come closer.”
At Elizabeth’s words, Merche took a few steps until she was right next to the bed.
Her smooth golden hair that seemed to capture the light and her bright blue eyes were distinctly visible.
The straight posture and elegantly lowered light golden lashes.
Meeting her gaze, Elizabeth let out a low moan.
Such beautiful and noble dignity.
“My son… if he were alive, he would be just like you.”
If that little bundle of flesh that she had sent away without even holding once had grown up safely.
Wouldn’t he have grown into a child with such dignity?
The more she looked at Merche, the more she saw the image of her own son, whose face she had never properly seen.
A hot lump seemed to rise in her chest, suddenly making it hard to breathe.
That was why. This was why that child made her uncomfortable. Because she kept reminding her of the child she lost.
Because she was occupying the place that should have been her son’s, such a dazzling child who was ‘alive and breathing’.
“I’m uncomfortable with you. When I look at you, I can’t help but feel hatred rising. The place you are in, you gained it because my son died.”
“……”
“Do you also think I’m bad for being like this?”
Merche quietly met those fevered, hazy eyes.
Was Elizabeth Lupinus’s resentment towards her bad?
The answer was not difficult to reach. In Merche’s mind, Elizabeth’s resentment towards her was not bad. Rather, it might even be natural.
If one’s own child died and another child took their place, it would be strange for a mother’s heart not to be torn apart at the sight.
The truly difficult question was this. That man she discovered not long ago. Should she tell Elizabeth about Rude?
That perhaps her ‘dead’ son was actually alive, that someone might have schemed to take her son away.
Confessing that might be the right thing to do. Especially to a mother who grieved so deeply over the death of her child.
…But in the end, Merche decided to delay the confession.
Instead of telling Elizabeth about Rude, she decided to give her the answer she wanted.
In fact, that was also her true feeling.
“Countess, you are not a bad person.”
“…Why?”
“Because even though I cannot presume to fully understand your feelings, I understand at least a fragment of it.”
Merche raised her gaze that had been half-lowered and looked more deeply into Elizabeth’s face.
As if seeing the traces of emotions that remained particularly deep in the chaos of her confusion.
“Anyone would feel the same. So it is not your fault, Countess.”
This was probably the right answer. It was also what Merche thought.
Elizabeth stared blankly at Merche after hearing the answer.
In the end, she let out a faint laugh. To be so heartless and kind at the same time.
A child who blunted all the blades she had set up.
In respect for that great kindness, and in gratitude for the answer that blurred even the guilt, Elizabeth offered a piece of advice and a warning.
“Kindness can certainly be considered a strength, but be careful.”
Be kind to just anyone and you might bring great calamity upon yourself.
Elizabeth whispered softly. Merche listened to that whisper with a puzzled face.
The calamity that kindness could bring. What did that mean?
Instead of asking back, Merche answered by gently expressing affirmation.
Because for her, it was a somewhat distant warning that was difficult to understand.
[Timeline Separator]
“Young Lady!”
When she called out loudly, it wasn’t long before the transparent lake-colored gaze turned to her.
For a moment, Karin forgot her urgent business and smiled contentedly.
Oh, how beautiful her young lady was.
Karin’s young lady, Merche, was breathtakingly beautiful.
Like the twin gods of the sea, Nilam and Nisha, from the kingdom’s mythology. No, she was as dazzlingly magnificent as if the great goddess Nisha had descended to the mortal world.
Most people in Lupinus Castle loved the generous and merciful Merche, but they revered her beauty first and foremost. Even those who disliked Merche or didn’t particularly like her kept their mouths shut in front of her beauty.
That was how overwhelmingly and terrifyingly powerful that face was.
“What is it?”
Her soft-spoken voice and seemingly expressionless face appeared cold at first glance, but Karin knew.
The sun-like warmth her young lady’s heart possessed.
Even now, Karin had raised her voice and called for the young lady in a manner not befitting etiquette. But Karin’s young lady asked for the reason without any rebuke.
With the belief that if Karin had shouted loudly, there must be a reason for it.
Secretly delighted by this show of trust in her, Karin took out a rolled-up piece of paper from her bosom.
“This. That little hawk brought it tied to its leg. It’s painted red, so I thought it might be an urgent message and brought it!”
Merche’s hand slowly stopped at the paper, painted so red it hurt the eyes as if signaling the urgency of the matter.
If it was a hawk, it was a message from the residence where she had sent that man. If it was such an urgent message from the doctor entrusted with his treatment…
A sense of foreboding rose like a haze.
When they arrived at the residence, the sight that unfolded before their eyes was a terrible scene of bloodshed.
It wasn’t difficult to grasp the situation. It seemed to have happened while he was taking a bath. Inside the angular marble bath stood a man completely drenched, and servants who had stepped back in fear, bleeding. Amidst the tense confrontation, the tension was palpable.
“We, we were just trying to help him bathe…!”
“We truly did not intend any harm!”
The desperate cries of the servants, who had not a single unscathed part on their bodies, seemed to hold not a shred of falsehood. Merche first gestured for them to leave, then slowly shifted her gaze to Rude, who stood in the bath.
“Get out. If you take even a single step closer, I’ll kill you.”
Every time he exhaled roughly, his large rib cage swelled menacingly. His wrists, with veins visibly protruding from the force, were covered in bright red nail marks seemingly left by the servants.
It looked painful to even look at, but the man himself didn’t even seem to feel the pain. Only then did Merche notice something strange.
Rude’s eyes. There was no focus in his purple eyes.
“Rude.”
“I said get out… Get out!”
“Do you recognize who I am?”
“Do you want to die? Shall I crush all your limbs?”
The strangely misaligned conversation, the excessively rough breathing. Merche quickly came to a conclusion.
That man, he must have lost his mind right now.
“Oh, you’re here?”
Just as she was about to examine Rude’s condition more closely, Gerald, the resident doctor she had hired for this residence, timidly entered the bathroom.
With a deep purple bruise on one eye, Gerald looked thoroughly cowed at a glance.
Barely standing on trembling legs, he poured out his aggrieved voice.
“At first, when I suggested taking a bath, he said he’d rather die than do it… But for the sake of hygiene, he absolutely had to be washed. It’s better for treatment too!”
“Did you try to force him to wash?”
“…Well, not exactly, but I tried to put him to sleep and do it.”
The last words were almost a whisper.
When Merche asked again, not having heard properly, Gerald resigned himself and confessed everything.
“He himself said it would be better if he took sleeping pills, and I thought there was no other way to give him a bath. I was going to just quickly wash him while he was asleep, really…!”
“…You took him to the bath after giving him sleeping pills, but he woke up midway.”
“Yes. Th-that’s right.”
She roughly understood the situation. The effects of the sleeping pills wore off much sooner than expected, and Rude, who should have been asleep, woke up.
Then he went on a rampage in that state of lost sanity.
The reason blood was splattered on the bathroom floor was also soon apparent.
The shard of glass gripped in Rude’s hand. Judging by the shattered glass bottle that contained fragrant oil, he had used one of those shards as a makeshift weapon instead of a knife.
Unfortunately, there was nothing else breakable in the bathroom besides glass bottles.
“Get out, please get out… If you don’t want to die…”
Rude’s breathing, already rapid, became even more labored.
Moreover, the glass shard he gripped tightly had long since become a weapon that harmed himself.
The edge of the shard lacerated his hand. Seeing the blood dripping and pooling on the floor, she could no longer hesitate.
Merche stepped toward Rude without hesitation.
*
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[su_service title=”Men In The Royal Harem All Yearn For Her (Female-dominant)” icon=”icon: star-o” size=”16″][/su_service]
When scheming men desperately battle for her favor in the male harem…
This one’s also on my reread list! The rivalry, scheming between the men in the imperial harem are just as intense and thrilling as in classic palace drama novels, where concubines fight to the death. Give it a read, girls! I promise you won’t be disappointed.
Synopsis:
“I am not worthy of her… but I still want to be by her side, even if only as a loyal dog…”
Those were the painful whispers of Yue Guanyi – the proud Crown Prince of the Great Qi, who was torn between deep love and a guilty conscience. Despite holding the supreme power of the Imperial Guard, he still could not forget the dark past when he was sold into a brothel.
Fate played a cruel twist when Qiu Shuzhi – a young female official who had just passed the imperial examinations with top honors – stepped into his life. She did not know that she was the one who had saved him from a tragic fate many years ago. And now, her heart was the target of pursuit for both Yue Guanyi and the powerful Empress Dowager Qin Qing.
While Yue Guanyi only dared to silently care for and protect the one he loved from afar, the Empress Dowager Qin Qing openly expressed his feelings and did not hesitate to take advantage of his power to approach Qiu Shuzhi. The covert struggle between the two most powerful forces in the imperial court began…
Trigger warning: All men in this novel are yandere style.
[su_heading] NOTE: You’re bound to regret it if you skip this novel. Read the review & spoiler to find out what you might be missing!
Link to read the Review & Spoiler
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