I Regret The Kindness I Gave You - Chapter 34

“Yeah. It seems you’ve finally come to your senses, Merche.”

Elizabeth Lupinus. It was her.

Sitting elegantly at the table as always, Elizabeth commanded concisely.

“Get up and sit across from me. Unfortunately, you don’t have much time. So you’ll have to hurry. If you want to save both your sister and yourself.”

Christine. The sudden mention of her existence made Merche feel as if cold water had been poured over her, extinguishing the heat.

Her whole body ached, but she forcibly summoned her strength to stand up and sat in the seat facing Elizabeth.

Elizabeth, who had been watching Merche’s movements with her gaze alone, finally opened her mouth.

“A smart kid like you should have already grasped the situation by now. This isn’t a prison, and the one who could take you out of prison is none other than me. I believe you’ve figured that much out. Right?”

“Yes. I’m aware, Comeo-nim.”

“I won’t beat around the bush. I secretly took you and your sister away from Genovefa and brought you to one of my safe houses. I’ll spare your life, so leave this place with Count Karla of Venenum.”

“…And Christine. Will that child also be leaving with me?”

“Well. I had that in mind, but unfortunately, your sister rejected it.”

For a moment, Merche’s face darkened.

Her hands, clasped over her knees, trembled slightly and slowly subsided.

“You can personally meet with your sister and talk it over. Now you have to answer, Merche. What will you do? If you say you want to be caught by Genovefa again and die, then fine. You can do as your heart desires. I won’t forcibly stop you.”

“…Why. Why are you trying to save me, Comeo-nim?”

Elizabeth remained silent for a long while, even as she quietly met Merche’s eyes.

Why. I wonder. Shamelessly, only now asking why, to that child. The answer was known, making it even harder to utter.

“Because I have sinned against you. That’s why.”

I used young you as an outlet for my anger.

Even knowing it wasn’t your fault, I blamed everything on you.

In fact, it had been that way from the beginning.

Rude being disguised as a stillborn child and disappearing, and the resulting depression eating away at Elizabeth, causing her to suffer from neurosis.

None of it was Merche’s fault in the slightest.

Even knowing that, I blamed and condemned Merche as if it were all her fault.

“It wasn’t your fault. Everything was brought about by Genovefa’s sins. I knew that, yet I blamed and drove you away instead of him. So I want to repay that debt, even if it’s now.”

I know it’s a cowardly and belated apology, but even so.

“I’m sorry. For what I did to you all this time… I did something I shouldn’t have.”

Finally, I said the words that needed to be said. At the same time, I laughed self-deprecatingly.

Could there be an even more selfish apology than this? An apology to lighten the burden on my heart.

Merche, her pale face frozen like ice, didn’t answer for a long time.

She sat there like a well-drawn figure in a painting for a prolonged period.

But in the end, it was a conclusion befitting her. Slowly, yet calmly, Merche responded to Elizabeth’s apology.

“If you save my life and my sister’s, that will be enough.”

It was a strange thing. I was sure she would easily say she forgave me.

As always, she could have given the answer Elizabeth wanted, seeking even a shred of affection.

But as if something was blocking her mouth, the words of forgiveness didn’t come out.

It’s not enough. This doesn’t fill it. …Why? What exactly?

She felt a hunger. Not a simple appetite, but a hunger and thirst of a different nature.

What does she want? What does she desire to fill?

At that moment, Merche thought of someone.

The fervent gaze directed at her. The man’s eyes that obsessively pursued her at every moment.

No. Don’t think about it. Merche instinctively shifted her train of thought.

Now she had to survive. Even more so for Christine’s sake.

“I will leave this place as you said, Comeo-nim.”

“…Yes. That’s a wise decision. Count Karla is waiting outside, so you can leave right away.”

“Thank you. But before that, I’d like to see Christine. Can you tell me where she is?”

When Elizabeth gave instructions to the waiting servant, it wasn’t long before Christine appeared.

Although there were injuries visible here and there, seeing her face intact for now, Merche sighed with relief and hugged Christine.

“Thank goodness. You’re not hurt… I, because of me…”

“…It’s fine. Are you trying to dig a hole and crawl into it again? It’s that bad guy’s fault, what fault do you have? Don’t needlessly blame yourself.”

Christine, who had been obediently hugged by Merche, soon escaped from her arms.

Unlike when she used to raise thorns and rush at Merche as if wanting to argue, Christine now treated Merche with a rather tender attitude.

“I’m telling you in advance, I’m not going with you.”

Just when the atmosphere was peaceful for the first time in a long while.

At those words, Merche’s face sank, shadowed by sorrow.

“…Christine.”

“I’m not a burden for you to shoulder! I can live well on my own!”

“No. It’s not like that, Christine. I’ve never once considered you a burden. Truly.”

Merche grasped Christine’s hand tightly and whispered. Still, Christine didn’t back down.

“I’d rather die than leave with you.”

“…Christine.”

“I mean it. If you truly respect and care for me, don’t force me anymore. I can’t rely on you forever. You know that I have to learn to stand on my own someday.”

“……”

“Please let me go. It’s my last request to you.”

It’s not wrong. Merche can’t hold onto Christine forever. Moreover, Christine had always been that kind of child.

A child who wanted to stand on her own feet rather than rely on others.

Perhaps Christine had an even stronger will than Merche.

Still, the hesitation was due to the remnants of a worn-out past.

Her foster parents who were unjustly killed by Genovefa’s order.

The existence they worried about and cared for until the very end.

She wanted to protect it somehow. Everything of Christine’s that Merche had virtually taken away.

Christine’s world, the fence that would have remained to protect Christine for a long time if it weren’t for her.

Because it was Merche herself who made her lose it all.

She thought she had to protect Christine at all costs, no matter what.

But Christine, if that child herself doesn’t want it?

“…I see. So that’s how it is.”

Christine’s words are the right answer.

It was Merche herself who had unilaterally forced and insisted, not Christine.

“Alright. Do as you wish, Christine. If you don’t want to leave with me, you don’t have to.”

Christine’s face lit up.

But Christine, who had been happily lifting the corners of her mouth, suddenly hesitated and reached out to touch the side of Merche’s cheek.

It was something Christine had often done since childhood. A touch to gauge where her ear was when she had something to whisper.

As Merche considerately brought her ear close to Christine’s mouth, a low and affectionate voice flew in as if it had been waiting.

“Sister. You…”

As if she had something to say, she started to speak, but only briefly. For some reason, Christine couldn’t finish her sentence.

Her attention seemed to be drawn to Elizabeth, who was behind them.

The moment Merche noticed that, Christine hurriedly continued.

“You are different from me.”

“…Different, you say. We’re family, Christine.”

“Please. Listen to me just this once. You are different. Someone different from anyone else! You need to know that. Remember my words. Okay?”

The urgent voice was kept very low. At this point, Merche couldn’t not know.

Elizabeth, she was trying not to be overheard by her.

Christine was trying to convey something that Elizabeth shouldn’t hear.

“Take this. It’s for you.”

What she handed over was a book.

The thing she had been preciously holding in her arms since entering this room.

Seeing the utterly ordinary appearance of the fairy tale book, Merche received it with puzzlement.

“Read it when you’re alone. Don’t give it to anyone, only when you’re by yourself. Understand?”

“Yes. I will, Christine.”

Merche replied in a whisper-like tone to the words that were even being whispered.

Whatever this fairy tale book meant, it was precious to Merche because Christine gave it to her.

As she held the book to her chest as if it were more valuable than any treasure, Christine took a step back with a much brighter face.

They didn’t exchange farewells. Instead, they firmly held hands and slowly let go.

Christine’s face, which had become cloudy, contorted as if she were about to cry.

“Don’t die. You must never die before me. You can’t.”

“Okay.”

“It’s a promise. If you break it, I won’t forgive you even if I die.”

“Yes. I promise, Christine.”

Merche watched Christine’s receding figure, supported by a servant, without taking her eyes off her for a single moment.

Until she completely disappeared from sight, becoming a dot, Merche didn’t avert her gaze for a single instant.

It was fortunate that Christine didn’t look back.

If it was a poignant and burdensome farewell only for her, that was enough.

“…Miss!”

“Karin. You were here too.”

Before leaving, Elizabeth presented another pleasant encounter.

It was a face she thought she would never see again when she was dragged and imprisoned.

Feeling as if she were dreaming, Merche caressed Karin’s cheek.

The slightly cold fingertips from the chilly wind gently wiped away tears.