#Chapter 4. Despair (2)

Ian. Ian was a prince. And Sesenia’s only friend. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say they had shared all their time together throughout their lives. As they grew up, everyone thought they would naturally become lovers and get married.

However, their relationship didn’t progress beyond friendship when Sesenia became engaged to the Crown Prince.

Even so, she kept Ian by her side because he cared for her more than anyone else. He gave sincere advice. He was always on her side.

When her free-spirited sister caused trouble, and when she had to take over the family and juggle two roles as Empress because of her sister, it was Ian who criticized Elzere and her father.

Now this Ian says he loves her sister.

Sesenia was dumbfounded.

“Love. Yeah, fine. Doing this because of such a flimsy emotion… Alright, I can understand. But are you really okay with this, Ian? My sister slept with my husband. How can you love such a woman?”

“That’s why you’re stupid. A boring person like you probably wouldn’t understand. True love.”

“Are you saying I’m a fool because I don’t know love?”

“That’s right.”

Sesenia almost laughed out of disbelief but managed to hold it back. This was truly madness. But Ian wore an ecstatic expression, as if he had already fallen deeply in love.

“Sister always shines brightly. Unlike you, who’s nothing but gloomy.”

“That person who slept with all sorts of men, even stealing her sister’s husband… You’re saying she’s different from me?”

“Yes.”

“Really… love is such a foolish thing. In the end, a woman who even bore my husband’s child… If that’s love, then love is truly not worth pursuing.”

Such love that abandons even basic morality. It was disgusting and revolting. It made her stomach churn.

Meanwhile, Ian began to criticize Sesenia.

“This is all because of you.”

“Now it’s my fault?”

“If you hadn’t been so greedy, none of this would have happened.”

“Greedy? What on earth was I greedy for?”

Sesenia was so dumbfounded she couldn’t even speak. She had never been greedy in her life. She had lived as a replacement for her sister, just as her father wanted. She had taken on everything her sister didn’t want to do. Yet he said she was greedy.

“Tell me, Ian. Is this what you have to say, you who’ve seen me up close? What was I greedy for? Was it wrong to inherit the Marquis family in place of my sister, who threw a tantrum saying she didn’t want to do anything, didn’t want to inherit the family? Was it wrong to marry the Crown Prince and become Empress in place of my sister, who said she didn’t want to marry that good-for-nothing Crown Prince, that he could never become Emperor?”

She thought he was on her side.

Until she saw Ian, she thought there must be a reason, that he wouldn’t abandon her.

Sesenia believed in her friend until the very last moment. This hurt more than the wounds inflicted by her husband who cheated on her every day, more than the wounds inflicted by her sister who had an affair with her husband.

Because to Sesenia, Ian was not just a friend, but the only person she trusted.

‘I was the real fool.’

She never understood when she saw cheaters rationalizing their own behavior. As if they were having a beautiful romance, a love of the century. And even now, she still didn’t understand.

Maybe it was because she had never experienced passionate love herself, but love… in her opinion, was the worst thing. Something that hurts others because of their own feelings, something not beautiful or romantic at all.

Sesenia chuckled.

“Tell me, Ian. Why can’t you speak when your mouth is open? Or do you have nothing to say? You know I wasn’t greedy for anything. And love? Isn’t it something that can never be fulfilled in the end? What are you going to do now? Don’t have such foolish thoughts…”

It was then.

No matter what Sesenia said, he seemed unaffected. Instead, he clicked his tongue while looking at her.

“You want to survive by being so petty, don’t you?”

“…”

“Love will be fulfilled someday. If I keep taking care of her by her side, she’ll see me eventually. I’m enduring as much as I can for that. After all, His Highness’s womanizing is quite famous, and eventually, Sister will end up alone.”

“So what if she ends up alone? What difference does it make?”

“It’s natural for people to look at those by their side when they’re lonely. Eventually, Sister will come to me. And I will become Emperor. For her sake.”

“Really… what a great lover you’ve become.”

She felt chills down her spine at the fact that he had hidden these feelings and done things beneficial to Elzere while by her side. Doing things favorable to Elzere, while violating her.

“Thanks for letting yourself be used. Thanks to you, I got closer to Sister.”

“Ha…”

If it had been her sister using her, using her to get what she wanted, it might have been less unfair. But the fact that a friend, a long-time friend with whom she had even discussed marriage, had done this was incomprehensible.

“Really… Why… Why did I trust you?”

“Because you’re stupid.”

“Right. Because I’m a complete fool. Falling for such an obvious trick.”

It was then.

“Sesenia. My lovely sister Sesenia.”

With the sound of clicking heels, someone appeared. It was Elzere.

“Ah.”

In her arms was a very small child.

“You’re dying tomorrow, shouldn’t you see your niece before you die? Ah, no, not niece but… your husband’s child? What should we call it? What our baby is to you.”

Seeing Elzere chuckling, Sesenia felt her blood run cold.

“…Is that… something you should say in front of me right now?”

“Of course it is. So… you should have known your limits. Even if you’re the Empress, why did you act so viciously?”

“Viciously? I… I sent you there instead of killing you because you’re my sister… If I had done it, at least you wouldn’t feel wronged!!”

“Right. You didn’t do anything. That’s why you should have killed me. What a great saint you are, sending me there. How stupid.”

“…Were you… really sorry to me? Was your apology sincere?”

“How foolish. Did you really think I was sorry to you?”

Sesenia’s body trembled.

“What did you say…?”

“I deliberately approached the Emperor. You know? Once I gave it to you, it felt like a waste. It was my position… It felt like you stole it from me. That’s why I did it.”

“…You’re saying it was intentional…? How… How can everyone do this to me… How… People who are supposed to be family… People who are supposed to be friends…! Ha… How can this be?”

“Sesenia.”

It was then. Elzere briefly entrusted her child to Ian and approached Sesenia.

Then she gently stroked Sesenia’s hand, which was clinging to the iron bars.

“Still, I’ll make good use of the family you worked so hard to build. And the Empress position too. Thank you.”

“…”

“You did well, my sister.”

“Did you want those things so badly?”

“Yes. Being a woman, what made you think you could take everything? The family was originally mine, wasn’t it? But because you did a little well, father handed it all over to you. So I couldn’t stand the sight of you. I just wanted to take back what was mine.”

Sesenia shook her head.

“For such a trivial reason?”

“Trivial reason? It’s a very big reason, sister. The feeling of having what’s mine taken away is really dirty. So you should have known your place. Everyone always praised me for being better than my sister, more beautiful and smarter than you, but suddenly everyone started praising you? The news spread throughout the empire that my sister was so great. A new woman, they said. How ridiculous it was. You acting so high and mighty in that position after stealing what was mine… I hated it so much.”

But Sesenia couldn’t say anything. Was her whole body going numb from the betrayal of the people she trusted? She thought so, but there was something strange about the hand Elzere had stroked hers with.

“Ah…”

“So… don’t talk nonsense and just die quietly.”

Sesenia’s body gradually stiffened. Her mind was clear, but her body collapsed to the floor without any reflexes. Though her body couldn’t move, the pain remained.

“Ah… Wh-What… did you… do…”

“I don’t want to hear you talking nonsense before you die tomorrow. So… since I know a bit about herbs… I used some poison on you. You probably won’t be able to speak until you die. Well then, goodbye. I’ll live well with what you worked so hard to build. Farewell.”

As if to mock her, Elzere even took out the hand of her still young baby and waved goodbye to Sesenia. She wanted to say something, to ask more, but Sesenia’s mouth and body refused to move.

‘Ironically, what did I hope for?’

What did she really hope for?

‘Was it for a shred of affection?’

The capable Sesenia. The intelligent Sesenia. But no matter how hard she tried, such a Sesenia could never receive the love of her family.

‘I just… wanted to hear that one word of praise.’

They say that when you’re about to die, your whole life flashes before your eyes. It wasn’t time for her to die yet, but Sesenia recalled the past. The reason she had struggled to hold on in this position. Even she couldn’t understand it.

Now that everything was coming to an end, she finally remembered.

She just longed for a word of praise. A word that would allow her to exist as herself. That’s why she had struggled so hard. Unlike her sister who was loved just for existing, she felt like an impurity.

Although her father and sister never said anything, people said that Sesenia might not be the real daughter of the Marquis, to the extent that they had no resemblance at all.

As if to prove this, her father treated Sesenia only in a businesslike manner.

‘The reason I struggled… and endured so hard was just… because I wanted to be acknowledged.’

Even as her whole body was becoming paralyzed, tears flowed from her eyes. Anger and hatred. And the relief that she no longer had to engage in such futile acts settled in her heart.

As time flowed by, Sesenia recalled one secret of the family.