I Decided to Let You Go - Chapter 17

In the Kingdom of Charliee, such harsh blizzards were rare, so the snow of the north was always fascinating. Although it might be strange to compare nature this way, it felt like a new marvel.

Fascinated, she touched the window repeatedly, not realizing the cold. The chill that entered through her fingers rooted deep into her bones. The biting cold finally awakened her mind.

‘If I were buried in snow… Would my heart and body become clean? Could I become pure and be forgiven for everything?’

Unlike her, the snowflakes beyond the window were pure white and beautiful. Rather than being trapped in this dark, gloomy place, she wanted to be buried out there. It felt as if sprinkling that white snow on her body would cleanse this sewer-like life.

Cayena had comforted herself, saying her child had gone to a paradise created by God. In that place, allowed only for good and lovely children, there was no suffering, only happiness and laughter.

To meet her child, Natasha too had to head for paradise. But she was neither good nor lovely. Her sins and misfortunes were too numerous to count.

The God who is cruel only to me won’t let me into paradise. Even in death, I won’t be able to meet my child. I might wander alone in an empty space.

So, if I close my eyes buried in snow. If I cover my body with that snow that will wash away all my sins…

She clutched her clothes and the dagger she was holding tightly. Her hands holding the items trembled with ecstasy. Her face was filled with excitement, like someone who had succeeded in solving a difficult problem.

The Duchess, leaving her room, approached the entrance wrapped in a thin blanket. The number of servants she encountered on the way was countless. Countless also were those who witnessed her turning the doorknob. But none of them moved to control Natasha.

They were busy exchanging jokes, mocking the mad Duchess.

She turned her back on those who didn’t love her and stepped outside. Now nothing mattered anymore. For her, walking on shattered hopes, such by-products posed no threat.

Natasha, with her back to the door, finally straightened her posture and stood upright.

Winter, encountered after a long time. The raw cold faced without anyone’s help. These were the most brutal things Natasha had ever faced in her life, and simultaneously, the most beautiful.

Her feet sank deep as she walked through the quiet snowfield. Her already small frame became even smaller. She couldn’t even feel her feet due to the snow that reached her ankles. The slowly spreading cold chilled her entire body.

Still, the woman didn’t stop and kept moving forward. It was to enter Douglas Forest, against the words of the owner of the duchy.

And finally, she reached her destination. The darkest and deepest part of Douglas Forest. So dark that people’s footsteps had ceased, they said.

Here, it seems unlikely that her body would ever be found, even in the future. Buried in snow, she would find eternal rest, hidden from others’ eyes.

Natasha knelt without hesitation. She took out the dagger she had kept close since losing her child and unsheathed it.

She had always agonized at life’s crossroads, but this was the first time she had resolved to die. It was truly an impulsive plan.

But there was no hesitation in her movements. After staring blankly at the transparent, sharp blade, she finally raised her arm.

‘I despise you so much.’

She swung her arm, raised towards the sky, downwards. The white snow that had piled up on her shoulders scattered in all directions. The unfamiliar sensation and the ominous sound entered her ears dully.

It didn’t take long for her body to fall to the ground. The beautiful snowflakes soaked in hot blood gradually melted.

‘As much as you hated me, now I too, intensely…’

Looking at the crimson blood that resembled someone’s eyes, Natasha solemnly accepted the impending end.

‘If there is a next life, Sieghart.’

The man who killed my family and child, and now kills me without even blinking an eye.

The man Natasha loved terribly, loved, and loved.

Sieghart Asthart.

‘Let’s never be together again.’

Finally, she let go of the man.

‘Where is this…’

Natasha, opening her eyes, groaned briefly. Instinctively, she looked around to see if her dead self had reached paradise.

This place was different from what Cayena had described. Far from a seven-colored rainbow, not even a single white cloud said to be fluffy like cotton candy was visible. There were no children with white wings like birds on their backs, nor small cute animals.

Rather, this place was familiar. It was Sieghart’s office, etched so vividly in her mind that she couldn’t forget it even if she tried.

Surely her life had ended in Douglas Forest, so why was the scene before her dead self not a snow field but an office?

Perplexed, she touched her chest. The place stabbed by the knife was clean. She pressed and hit that area repeatedly to check, but still, there was no pain.

The memory of dying lonely on the snow field was still vivid as if it were yesterday. The blade piercing flesh and the death rattle predicting death remained clear.

That day’s death was certainly not a dream.

‘Perhaps this is the dream instead.’

Yes, maybe this is a dream.

They say that before a person dies, their life flashes before their eyes. Natasha might be dying, and this might be her sorting through her memories.

“So what’s the matter, Princess?”

It was when she was gradually organizing her thoughts. A familiar voice came from beyond. It was a strangely sharpened voice that seemed to be barely holding onto wearing patience.

It was natural for him to be there since it was his office, but she hadn’t thought of it while trying to grasp the situation.

Only then did Natasha have the leisure to look around. As she took her gaze off the man urging her with a tired face, her attention was next captured by the object she was holding.

It was a flowerpot with forsythia-colored flowers blooming.

That alone was enough. It didn’t take long to understand the situation.

“I won’t keep asking. I hope you’ll state your business and leave.”

In the meantime, a much harder voice cut between them. It meant that even for him, who rarely tolerated her hesitation to speak, there was a limit, and if she knew his personality, she should quickly state her business and leave even now.

It was a voice and attitude so consistent it felt monotonous. Natasha smiled briefly at these things so familiar they were tiresome, even in reminiscence. She confessed a bitterness that couldn’t be helped with an astringent taste.

‘On this day, more special than usual, I had come to speak of a very important matter.’

It was a day she could never forget.

The day she was all aflutter with the lovely fact of having conceived life. The day she strived to fulfill her wishes and pure love, even at the cost of giving up her freedom.

She had never hoped for congratulations in the first place, so she was prepared to endure any harsh words. If he wouldn’t fulfill the duties of a father, she intended to fulfill the duties of a mother twice over. So, she thought no words would affect her.

Really.

‘You should have made it clear that you wouldn’t love the child of a hated wife. Then it wouldn’t have been painful.’

To think she’d return to the most difficult moment of all. Even until death, God is cruel.

Frustrated with the predetermined future, she finally raised her head. Her hand gripping the flowerpot tightened. Between her lips that had been closed all along, a voice that seemed resigned leaked out.

“I’m with child.”

Even if it’s a future already set in stone, her past self trapped in the past could sufficiently change the future. But the answer was so predetermined that even the worry itself was futile.

“It’s your child. I can say it proudly even in the face of your endless denial and doubt. This lovely life is our child, and my pure love.”

Even if a dagger pierces her heart twice, she can’t deny the child.

“It seems you knew I would doubt. Then I should fulfill your expectations, Princess.”

The back of his hand that had been resting on his sharp chin was roughly swung. The flowerpot flew in an arc and fell to the side. The white marble floor instantly became a mess.

“It’s not my child.”

“……”

“If you don’t want to leave the child as a blemish on the ducal family, get rid of it.”

An answer that wouldn’t be reversed.

She chewed over and over the daggers flying from beyond his scarlet lips. They were sharper and more aggressive than the cold blade that had pierced her heart.

“Your threat is wrong, Sieghart.”

Natasha, who let out a hollow laugh like a sigh, stood up from her seat.

“Even I am a blemish on the ducal family, so what’s there to fear if the child becomes one?”

Then, she stepped forward, lightly treading on the glass shards rolling on the floor.

The journey was short. The destination was not the door, but in front of the window. Natasha, who had been looking at her haggard reflection in the glass, opened the window as if she had made up her mind.

Even though it was death she was facing again, the emotion of fear did not coexist. It felt as refreshing as the cool wind entering the room.

Taking a deep breath, she confessed to the person standing behind her.

“Come to think of it, I’ve never said this to you. Sieghart, I……”

To the man she had loved.

That she hated him so much.

“I despise you intensely.”

She deliberately didn’t consider the expression of the person who would have heard the story. Natasha, having finished calculating the height of the building, immediately threw herself out.

Along with her last words disguised as a confession, she fell into the pond below.

Hoping this wretched reminiscence would end.

Her muffled ears felt as if they were filled with water. Was it the aftermath of drowning in the pond?

No, she’s dead, so there shouldn’t be any sound…

“…right? Filthy princess.”

Just as she was wondering, the voice emerged again. The sound, which was as murky as if filled with water, gradually became clearer.

The confusion was accompanied by dizziness. Natasha, barely raising her head, faced the owner of the voice.

Why She Is Still Unmoved (Female-dominant)

One-line summary: He uses various methods to seek her affection, but she remains unmoved.

Synopsis:

Si Qingyu is a doctor who has saved countless lives and enjoys tranquility.

Luo Shaoxuan is ruthless, deeply scheming, and the top young master in the capital. He admires Si Qingyu.

Luo Shaoxuan: I want to be the only one in your eyes and heart.

Features a cold and calm female lead vs A noble and scheming male lead.

There will be both sweetness and torture towards the male after their marriage.