To avoid being abandoned, Beatrix did as she was told, and those choices might have piled up, perhaps once again tying her own feet.
In the end, it might have originated from the emotional abuse that had been happening since childhood, leading to the creation of a ruthless person who even made her father kill.
Not wanting to be abandoned.
Not wanting to be rejected.
She felt like she couldn’t do anything. Countless words…
Leudelro’s emotions themselves were fragile. Eventually, the child’s inherent disposition would have been manipulated to suit Beatrix’s needs.
“Yeah. It’s natural to have such feelings.”
I smiled at Leudelro.
“Everyone is like that. Even though they think it’s not, even though they think it’s not the right path, people tend to have very small expectations. Your thoughts aren’t wrong. It’s natural for humans to have such expectations. So, I’m curious about your feelings.”
“I…?”
What thoughts did he have while sitting alone here? Was he waiting for the birth mother who didn’t come? Or did he slowly let go of his own feelings for that person?
I waited for Leudelro’s answer, silently observing the child. After much contemplation, Leudelro opened his mouth.
“Empress… no, Mom is right. I had a lot of expectations for her to come and say sorry for the past. To explain the reasons for leaving me in front of the orphanage. I expected her to be the one knocking on the door, not Mom. I… am very weak. I’m afraid of being abandoned because I’m weak. So, I wanted to hear that she didn’t abandon me. I never wished for her love or affection.”
“I see.”
“Just… I just wanted to hear that I wasn’t abandoned. Maybe… if I heard that, I thought my weak self might feel a little better.”
“Leudelro.”
I tightly held the child’s hand.
“Yes…”
“You’re not an abandoned child. You’re a chosen child. Lian chose you, and I chose you as my son. It’s not because you were born or abandoned out of necessity. You are a chosen and very special child. So, you don’t have to feel that way. We chose you.”
Leudelro’s eyes became moist.
“A… chosen child…”
“That’s even more special. So, don’t blame yourself. Don’t be afraid of being abandoned again. Got it?”
“I can’t claim that I’ll be okay right away… but I’ll try. Mom.”
“See? You’re a very brave child. You’re not weak. If someone tells you that you’re weak, they don’t know you. A child like you, with a pure and strong heart.”
These were not just words. In Beatrix’s eyes, Leudelro might appear weak.
However, when anyone experiences such things from a young age, everyone shows a vulnerable side. Everyone can be driven to extremes. It’s natural, and Leudelro being like this wasn’t strange at all.
“Thank you. For saying that.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m Mom.”
“Huh?”
“I have one request.”
Leudelro cautiously met my eyes.
“A request? Anything. I’ll do anything for Leudelro’s request.”
Even if it was a bombshell declaration to meet Beatrix, I would do it if the child wanted. Because that’s what a mom does. Because that’s the love for Leudelro.
“It’s about memories… I want to recall them.”
“Huh?”
“I was a little worried before. I was afraid of how harsh and difficult the memories inside could be. Now I think it’ll be okay. I have to face the things I don’t remember. That’s the only way I can live firmly as myself.”
Leudelro looked at me straight in the eyes as if making a big determination.
“Is it sincere…? Leudelro, you don’t have to force yourself.”
Despite my concerns, Leudelro nodded.
“No. It’s okay. It’s not forcing… I want to do it.”
“…There might be even more challenging things. It could make you more difficult. Still… are you okay?”
“In return, I have one request. Mom… always stay by my side. Even if I discover a weaker and more pathetic me inside… please stay by my side. That should be enough for me to overcome it.”
Already determined, Leudelro smiled brightly.
Trying to retrieve the child’s memories was my idea and my opinion.
Due to Beatrix, the child’s memories were sealed, and those sealed memories came up unexpectedly in the child’s mind. Beatrix moved Leudelro according to her intentions through that.
Knowing that, breaking that seal was a top priority. But I was worried.
“Are you really okay?”
“Yes! Are there bigger things than her abandoning me…? Even if there are… it’s okay. Because I have Mom.”
“Yeah. I’ll always be by your side.”
“Whenever I hear Mom’s words, only good things happen. When I was in that room as the Crown Prince, it was so difficult that I felt suffocated… but since coming here with Mom, I can breathe.”
Leudelro stood up and hugged me.
“Is that so?”
“Yes. So, trust me.”
“Yeah.”
I patted Leudelro’s back for a while and then took the child to the bed. I didn’t know what would happen in the future. To be prepared for any unexpected variables, I laid the child down on the bed.
“Are we lying down?”
“Yeah. In case you fall asleep. If you happen to have a dream, remember one thing. At the end of your long dream, there will be me, Lian, Shasha, and us.”
“Yes!”
The Male lead Always Seduces Her with His Beauty (Matriarchy)
Xin Jiao Zhou is the leader of the world’s premier sect. She has just experienced betrayal from all sides, was poisoned in an assassination attempt, and faced death squad attacks while the poison was taking effect. After finally clearing out the scum from her sect, she was drugged again while trying to detoxify.
After waking up from a night of unconsciousness, she gained a “beautiful and kind-hearted” husband.
Xin Jiao Zhou: “???”
He fell ill.
She came to see him, bringing breakfast.
As she put down the breakfast and was about to leave, his hand slipped while holding the spoon. “Clank!”
She turned around upon hearing the noise.
He looked up at her, his eyebrows drooping: “My hand… has no strength.”
“Shall I… feed you?” she asked tentatively.
He opened his mouth cheerfully: “Ah—”
Thinking she was drowning, he jumped in without hesitation to save her, but nearly drowned himself. In the end, it was she who swam over to rescue him, giving him air underwater.
After emerging from the water, his ear tips turned red. He lightly brushed his cheek, tucking his sideburns behind his ear, revealing delicate, pink-tinged ear tips. He lowered his gaze, too embarrassed to look at her.
Xin Jiao Zhou: He’s truly beautiful, kind-hearted, and adorable.
A certain someone when disciplining subordinates behind the scenes: “If they don’t obey, just kill them.”
What’s that? She might already have someone she cares about in her heart? A certain someone: Find out who it is, kill them, and then there won’t be anyone.
What? She met a man by the riverside? What? That man even hurt her? A certain someone: Whichever hand hurt her, chop off his entire arm.
Love at first sight without realizing it, gradually falling in love, slowly getting closer…
Family and national grudges, schemes and desires, good and evil, crime and punishment, she and he face the future together, seeking justice with passion!
A naturally dark female lead who could accidentally destroy the world but is actually an honest person VS a weak, pitiful, and helpless but skilled fighter, beautiful white-cut black male lead
My heart is not of stone, how steadfast is your love? — Tao Yuanming “Imitating the Ancients (No. 3)”
— Reading Guide —
Cold female lead & dramatic black lotus with hidden yandere traits male lead
