I Became the First Love of the Impenetrable Male Lead - Chapter 33

Nathan’s eyes narrowed as he glanced at Ian through piles of documents.

‘Why is he like that today?’

As usual, Ian was sitting in front of his desk, but his hands held nothing, not even the usual pen. All he was doing was slowly clenching and unclenching his fist repeatedly.

“Your Highness?”

“……”

Ian, with his fingertips clenched, slowly blinked his eyes.

“Has something happened again?”

It was then that a subtle crack appeared on the face that had shown no expression. Ian, looking confused, lightly ruffled his bangs and pressed his eyelids shut.

“Rather than something happening… I think I’m the one being strange.”

Nathan, who had been unconsciously admiring the statuesque face, suddenly came to his senses. He jumped up from his seat and rushed straight to Ian’s desk.

“What do you mean by strange?”

Ian, who was about to part his lips, hesitated and let out a soft sigh.

‘Where and how should I start explaining this.’

He had been angry seeing Rosebelia just saying she was fine. Then their eyes met and…..

He couldn’t remember clearly after that.

He had only met those clear eyes shining like jewels, but when he came to his senses, his hand was moving on its own.

‘At that time, I was…’

It felt like being enchanted by something. When he met her eyes that seemed to ask what he was doing, it felt like being doused with cold water.

That’s why he had fled the training grounds. Because he felt unfamiliar with himself for acting so out of character.

“Or is it my hand that’s strange?”

“Is it related to Lady Rosebelia Winters?”

Ian finally met Nathan’s eyes properly as he looked up. Nodding his head slightly, he briefly explained what had happened at the knights’ order.

“That’s not strange, it’s natural.”

“Natural, you say?”

“Your Highness, love is an emotion that makes you do things that can’t be explained in words. It makes you feel like you’re not the person you knew, makes you do strange things you wouldn’t normally do… Well, isn’t that how it is?”

“Even wanting to touch?”

Nathan, who had been acting all high and mighty, coughed shortly as if flustered.

“Pardon?”

“I mean… I wanted to reach out to that person. Is this what you call love?”

“Yes, well… Although Your Highness’s emotions seem quite more radical than I thought, that’s precisely a faithful expression of love. I think love is ultimately an instinctive attraction.”

“……”

Ian’s pupils wavered slightly. Watching this up close, Nathan swallowed his laughter and said,

“That doesn’t mean you can touch a lady without consent.”

“Do you think I wouldn’t know that?”

“Your Highness has always been so uninterested in the opposite sex. I’ve never seen you even glance at someone before.”

Even Ian found this side of himself unfamiliar. In fact, there was still a lingering question in his mind.

‘Was I someone capable of loving another person?’

The Empress Consort who bore a son before the Empress, and the First Prince who was that Empress Consort’s son.

Due to the check from the Empress’s faction, Ian had been accustomed to suppressing his emotions since childhood.

He tried not to be swayed by anything, and didn’t try to desire anything greatly.

More accurately, it was closer to pretending not to desire. Because that was the only way they wouldn’t try to take things away from him.

Pretending things weren’t his was ultimately the only way to keep what was his.

Perhaps that’s why. As he tried not to show his emotions, he gradually became an indifferent person. He felt his range of emotions narrowing, and he couldn’t feel much excitement about anything or anyone.

He had become dull like a rusty knife, and thought he had become accustomed to such a life.

For someone like him to join the White Knights Order was close to a brief deviation.

You know, there are days like that. Days when you want to step onto an unfamiliar path instead of the usual familiar one.

That’s how he entered the White Knights Order, and by chance, crossed swords with Rosebelia at the eve festival.

At first, he only thought about wanting to cross swords with her again.

How did he end up falling in love with that person? He still couldn’t find a clear answer. There didn’t seem to be a decisive moment…

‘So this is love, not admiration.’

Ian’s Adam’s apple bobbed greatly. Just thinking of her made his mouth feel parched for some reason.

“So what are you going to do from now on?”

“……”

As Ian hesitated to answer, Nathan, who had been staring at him, opened his mouth again.

“I mean… What kind of relationship do you want to have with Rosebelia?”

*

“My lady, don’t tell me you’re hurt?”

“Ah, this is just a little…”

Before I could finish speaking, Anne unwrapped the linen wrapped around my wrist. Examining the swollen wrist, she asked in a worried voice.

“It must hurt a lot, right?”

“This much is fine.”

I could see Anne’s eyebrows drooping downwards. My response that it was fine seemed to upset her instead.

Well, Anne would always make a fuss whenever Rosebelia came back with minor injuries.

“Wait just a moment. I’ll quickly bring something to compress it.”

The hurried footsteps faded away and soon the door closed. I, who had been perched on the edge of the sofa, half-lay down.

‘What I did was just a light compression. So make sure to treat it when you get back.’

“If it weren’t for Ian, it would have swollen more.”

There are quite a few people here who sincerely care about Rosebelia. It’s a bit surprising that Ian is among them.

In the dream I saw, Ian and Rosebelia didn’t seem to have any particular friendship. It seems like I’m building a good rapport with Ian to this extent, but…

“For now, I should maintain this level of acquaintance, and what I need to pay attention to in the future is the subjugation, I guess.”

Subjugation…

Aura, monster, Ian, Renart, and Edwin…

The thoughts that had been chaining one after another stopped there.

My gaze, which had been wandering around the room, suddenly settled on one spot. I slowly got up and approached a storage cabinet slightly taller than me. When I flung open the topmost door, I saw a few small silver jars.

“So the person who gave this ointment is Dylan Riley.”

Dylan Riley is Olivia’s elder brother and a figure she relies on quite a bit, but he was also the person from the Riley family who showed the most friendly attitude towards Rosebelia.

Once, when young Rosebelia was returning to the mansion after secretly learning swordsmanship, she encountered Dylan. At that time, Dylan noticed that Rosebelia was learning swordsmanship but didn’t reveal it to anyone.

Then he secretly brought ointments and medicines good for wounds. He was the first to congratulate her when he learned she had entered the White Knights Order.

I heard he still often delivers medicine to Anne when he visits the marquis’s residence, so he would be perfect to ask for help with Edwin’s matter.

I turned around and sat at the desk, quickly writing a letter to Dylan Riley.

Starting with a brief greeting, I wrote about Edwin’s matter and was just about to put down the pen when Anne came in. Seeing me at the desk when she thought I would be sitting quietly on the sofa, Anne touched her forehead as if dumbfounded.

“Anne, I can explain this…”

“My lady, what are you doing again? Your wrist is already swollen, if you keep using it, it might swell up terribly tomorrow.”

Anne, holding something that looked like a pouch filled with ice, said with a huff.

“I couldn’t help it. I had to send a letter.”

“A letter?”

I nodded lightly and handed the letter to Anne. I could see Anne’s eyes widen slightly as she checked the name written on the envelope.

“This needs to be given to someone trustworthy. Make sure it’s delivered in person.”

“Yes, my lady.”

*

I thought it was a night where sleep strangely eluded me. Had this fluffy bed become unfamiliar after sleeping in the knights’ dormitory for a day? Trying to brush off such trivial thoughts, I made an effort to fall asleep.

After tossing and turning, I seemed to have closed my eyes for a long while.

‘Mother, I told you. I’m not seriously injured, I just got hurt while training with Schultz.’

‘Aaron saw bruises all over your body, how can you say you’re not seriously injured…’

The first to appear were Cayden and Olivia. As I slowly blinked, Rosebelia and Herman came into view, followed by the employees of the marquis’s household gathered behind.

This looks like the main hall.

‘You go and bring Schultz here.’

Herman, who had been holding his forehead the whole time, gestured to Aaron, the male servant assisting Cayden.

‘I was just about to bring him to hear what exactly happened.’

At Olivia’s gesture, Schultz appeared as if he had been waiting. His face looked slightly thinner than the last time I saw him in Rosebelia’s memory.

‘Schultz, explain. What kind of training did Cayden receive to end up covered in bruises?’

‘That’s… Because I inflicted wounds on Young Master Cayden’s body under the pretense of training.’

‘What did you say?’

Behind Herman, who was frowning and asking again, Olivia could be seen staggering as if she had received a great shock. Leaning on Margaret, Olivia opened her mouth as if squeezing out her voice with difficulty.

‘Why on earth would you do such a thing…’

‘…I received instructions from Lady Rosebelia. She said Young Master Cayden would soon have reason to seek me out, so I should cleverly inflict wounds in hidden places and torment him…’

At those words, some of the employees glanced at Rosebelia. Rosebelia, whatever she was thinking, just silently stared at Schultz.

‘Schultz, what are you saying? You were the one who tried to stop me. You know best that these are injuries I got from pushing myself too hard in training, so why are you suddenly slandering my sister?’

As Cayden burst out angrily at Schultz’s words, Olivia could be seen moving stealthily. Before long, Olivia, who had approached right next to Cayden, hugged him tightly.

‘You poor thing. You were completely deceived too, Cayden.’

‘That’s not it, Mother. Schultz is lying right now.’

The commotion showed no signs of subsiding. That’s when Herman asked Rosebelia.

‘Is all of this true, Rosebelia?’

‘…’

Schultz looked as if he was about to bury his head in the floor like a guilty person. Rosebelia, who had been staring endlessly at that sight, gradually shifted her gaze to Herman’s face.

‘I’m asking if it’s true.’

‘What answer do you want to hear?’

Her expression was calm, as if she had known such a situation would come someday. No, it was more like someone who had given up long ago, having no expectations from the start.

‘What?’

‘Schultz and Cayden are saying completely opposite things, so I’m curious which side you’re asking if it’s true. It seems you already firmly believe one side, so think as you please.’

Rosebelia turned and left, with Cayden hurriedly chasing after her.

‘Sister!’

I opened my eyes with a start at Cayden’s cry. After confirming the familiar ceiling, I took rapid breaths. Even though I knew it was a dream, my palms were drenched in sweat from how tense I had been.

What kind of situation is this now?

I, no, Rosebelia instructed someone to hit Cayden?

“What an absurd slander…”

It’s clear that Olivia recruited Schultz to slander Rosebelia, but it was somewhat questionable that Schultz, of all people, joined hands with Olivia.

The Schultz I saw in Rosebelia’s memories wouldn’t have done such a thing.

Judging by how he couldn’t look straight in the eyes until the end, it seems there might have been some circumstances…

“But how can a person who’s a father do that? When Schultz and Cayden were saying completely opposite things, if someone questioned me like that, even I would…”

Whether I had properly immersed myself in that situation, I could feel my cheeks burning. As I tried to catch my breath, I got up from the bed while pressing my throbbing head.

“Who’s showing me this? Why am I having such dreams?”

The question that had been swirling inside suddenly spilled out. It was like a light mumble to myself, not expecting an answer from anyone, but for a moment, a somewhat familiar voice was heard from the air.

“That’s because I hope you’ll make different choices than the Rosebelia of the past.”