The mother, who had just seen her baby in the newborn nursery, returned with tears in her eyes.

“What a handsome baby. As much as I hate to admit it, he’s the spitting image of that Hyun Woo, with his eyes, nose, and mouth.”

Although I had only held the child briefly, he resembled his father so much that I could picture his face.

While enduring labor pains like death, I had bid farewell to him in my heart, but I realized it was my fate to raise this child and live the rest of my life remembering him.

There’s a saying, “When a loved one dies, you bury them in your heart!” But instead of burying my loved one in my heart, I decided to let him go, and embraced the child who resembled him in my arms.

“Mom, we need to name our little one… Could you please name our handsome son?”

“It’s your son, you should choose the name you want.”

“No, I want you to name him, Mom.”

After more than eight hours of labor pains, I overcame the final hurdle calling out for my mother.

Thinking of my mother who must have endured even worse labor pains in a more challenging environment when giving birth to me, I wanted to ask her to name this newly born child.

Mom said she would think about it for a day since we needed to register the birth, and then let me know the name.

With no other patients in the ward, Mom lay down on the bed next to mine instead of the makeshift cot.

The wind rustling outside the darkened window could be felt on the bare branches.

“Mom, it seems cold outside. We’ll go home in three days, right?”

“Yes, the nurse said we should stay for three more days. Since it was a difficult birth, it’s better to monitor your progress before discharging.”

“I miss our little one.”

“You can see his face tomorrow in the nursery. Today has been such a difficult day, so don’t think about anything and get some rest.”

Hearing my mother’s words, I closed my eyes, but sleep wouldn’t come.

From the moment I first met him in the hospital emergency room, to the day we reunited at S University Medical School library, the days we spent dating at the school cafeteria, library, and convenience store, and our overnight trip to Baengnyeong Island – each day flashed before me like a panorama.

He had been the only man in my life, but he had vanished like smoke.

As this night passes and tomorrow’s sun rises, I will be reminded of him every time I see the child’s face, but I resolved once again that I must let him go from my heart.

Mom seemed unable to sleep too, as I heard her tossing and turning in the darkness.

“Mom, can’t you sleep?”

“No, I never knew I’d be so tearfully grateful for my grandson’s birth. I’m thinking about what name to give him.”

“A Korean name would be nice, or any name with a good meaning.”

“There are many good postpartum care centers, but I’m sorry I can’t send you to one because I’m poor.”

“Mom… thank you for bringing me into this world.”

I sincerely expressed my gratitude to my mother.

Although Mom cried again, saying she was sorry for bringing me into a poor family, I comforted her, saying that now I just need to live strongly and happily with my child.

The saying ‘Women are weak, but mothers are strong!’ resonated with me as I felt the difference in my resolve before and after giving birth.

The emotion I felt when I first held my child in the delivery room welled up in my chest again.

A strong will to live and determination to become stronger blossomed in my heart.

‘I am a mother now!’

*****

The winter in Boston was long.

Ha Yeon said that since the latitude was about the same as Jungang-jin in North Korea, early winter starts in November and it can snow until April.

We promised to go on a date at The First Church square in downtown when the first snow falls.

Hyun Woo was busy preparing for the final exams at the end of his first semester in December.

Checking on Hyun Woo, who was practically living in the lab, through a couple app that shows location information, Ha Yeon sent messages in between, telling him to take care of his health while doing research.

Hyun Woo’s life in Korea had been monotonous with studying, part-time jobs, and home, but his life in Boston wasn’t much different.

His life consisted of weekdays going between the lab and his poor neighborhood apartment, and spending one day of the weekend with Ha Yeon.

As he spent a lot of time focusing and investing in research, Hyun Woo’s own research started to show results, and the project he helped the postdoctoral researcher with had good data, promising a good paper.

While being the first author in papers for the three major journals known as CNS – Cell, Science, and Nature – is considered most important and recognized, co-authored papers are also recorded as Hyun Woo’s achievements and will follow his research career forever.

Hyun Woo heard from his advisor that the project he helped the postdoctoral researcher with would be completed smoothly by the end of the year, and based on his contribution to the Cell paper currently being written, his name would be listed third in the author order.

Although it hadn’t been a year since coming to America, he was overjoyed at the fact that he could publish a paper in the international journal Cell.

His advisor at S University Medical School was very disappointed when Hyun Woo left for America in the middle of his degree, and even said he would specially appoint him as a professor at his alma mater if he could produce three papers as first author in CNS.

Hyun Woo had resolved to achieve this goal during his doctoral program and postdoctoral research, and although this wasn’t a first-author paper but a co-authored one, he was pleased thinking that the warm-up for his research life had begun.

As Hyun Woo focused on his research life in America and the amount of studying for the semester increased, his life in Korea faded away one by one.

He worried about his mother who was alone, but he assuaged his guilt by saving from the scholarship his advisor gave him and sending her living expenses once in a while.

At some point, money became like a blanket covering his conscience, making the guilt and remorse in Hyun Woo’s heart disappear.

He decided not to visit Korea at all until he wrote three CNS papers, and to temporarily set aside his guilt towards his mother who gave birth to him.

He also let go of So Hee, whom he had loved, and his guilt towards her from his heart.

He did well in the final exams too, finishing his first semester with good grades.

On December 23rd, after the final exams, the long-awaited first snow fortunately came pouring down just before Christmas.

Because it was dangerous due to the snow, Hyun Woo told Ha Yeon to take the Red Line train to the church, while he took the Green Line train.

Befitting its long history, Boston’s above-ground subway mostly runs on the surface and is marked by colors according to the line.

When they first arrived in Boston and traveled the roads together, it was fascinating to see the above-ground trains stop along with the cars on the road when the traffic light turned red.

The First Church in Boston, true to its name, was the oldest church in Boston built in 1630, which was rebuilt after being destroyed by fire in 1968.

Hyun Woo liked the church’s majestic architecture and its history, and it was a place he often went for dates with Ha Yeon as it was only a 10-minute ride on the Green Line above-ground train from Harvard Medical School.

Like the First Church, he wanted to erase his difficult childhood and his father’s life stained only with alcohol and accidents, and rebuild himself anew.

The First Church building, majestic with the first white snow of December on it, appeared before Hyun Woo’s eyes, and shortly after, Ha Yeon appeared, taking quick steps.

“Oppa, it’s finally the first snow. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for the first snow…?”

Come to think of it, Hyun Woo had never remembered the first snow, nor had he ever celebrated it.

When he was in school, he worked part-time jobs even in winter to help his mother, and to earn money for tuition and pocket money, so he had neither the time nor the peace of mind to enjoy the first snow.

Even when he was dating So Hee, they were both so busy with part-time jobs that they didn’t have time to talk about the romance of the first snow, and all he remembered was sharing fish cake soup at a convenience store to warm their frozen bodies when it snowed.

In America, Hyun Woo was learning various cultural and leisure activities that come with a life of leisure from Ha Yeon.

Travel, music, performances, dining out – all of these were experiences Hyun Woo was encountering for the first time.

Whether Ha Yeon wanted to fill Hyun Woo’s blank slate with as many meaningful and good experiences as possible, she wanted to take him to special places on weekends or days that needed an event.

Ha Yeon, who was walking hand in hand with Hyun Woo at the First Church, looked up at the first snow falling from the sky with delight.

When he worked part-time at convenience stores and gas stations in Korea, Hyun Woo used to resent the snow falling from the sky, calling it ‘sky garbage’ every time it snowed.

For people with easy lives, when it snowed, they would say it was good for skiing with natural snow instead of artificial snow at ski resorts, but for Hyun Woo who worked part-time, it was just ‘sky garbage’ that needed to be cleared.

Perhaps because he only had painful memories from Korea, Hyun Woo couldn’t feel the excitement of the falling snow, but he didn’t want to ruin Ha Yeon’s happiness in enjoying the first snow.

The two entered a Thai restaurant near the First Church and looked at the menu.

When they first started dating, Ha Yeon used to ask Hyun Woo about the menu, but at some point, she started ordering food on her own.

Living fiercely day by day, only seeing what was right in front of him, he had never even tried Thai food, which was quite common.

It was the same even when he was dating So Hee.

Even if he had asked, the names of the dishes were all unfamiliar to Hyun Woo, and he had no idea about their taste or aroma.

Hyun Woo didn’t resent or dislike Ha Yeon for this. It was a natural change to save time, and he felt comfortable with her doing so.

Ha Yeon ordered ‘Pad Thai’, a noodle dish, ‘Pu Pad Pong Curry’, a crab dish, and ‘Tom Yum Kung’, a representative spicy soup dish, saying they were representative Thai dishes.

Ha Yeon would often teach Hyun Woo by ordering representative dishes at restaurants.

She would say that whether he becomes a doctor or a professor in Korea, accumulating the refinement, knowledge, and experience befitting upper-class society was also something to learn from life in America.

While Hyun Woo agreed with Ha Yeon’s words, sometimes he felt like he was being bred to enter upper-class society, which hurt his pride.

All the food Ha Yeon ordered was delicious.

Hyun Woo’s short tongue, as if longing for a new world, began to indulge in the taste of new food.

“Oppa, does it suit your taste?”

“Yes, I don’t have a habit of being a picky eater. I didn’t eat because I didn’t have it, not because I couldn’t eat it.”

“Hoho. It sounds a bit cynical somehow, but I’m glad you’re enjoying the food.”

“Since you order well, even unfamiliar dishes don’t feel burdensome.”

“I know everything about you, oppa.”

As time passed, the emotions Ha Yeon felt for Hyun Woo seemed to be a mix of various feelings like obsession, love, and possessiveness.

With Christmas just two days away and December 31st a week away, Ha Yeon wanted to have a special party.

“Oppa, I want to spend this year-end meaningfully somehow.”

“How?”

“It’s our first Christmas in Boston together, and it’s December 31st… We should spend it in a way that will remain in our memories forever.”

After thinking for a moment, Ha Yeon looked into my eyes and said,

“Oppa…”