Even if Your Regret Holds Me Back - Chapter 70

The thing that broke the lingering contemplation was Elai’s gesture of getting up with a groan.

“Then, I’ll be going now.”

He lightly shook his hair, which had become even curlier from the moisture.

Ian frowned at the water droplets that splashed onto his head. Elai, pretending not to notice him, urged:

“Whether you push forward or not is Your Majesty’s freedom, but nothing will change just sitting here like this.”

He took out two gold-leafed papers from his bosom and dropped them where he had been sitting. The papers, damp thanks to someone, stuck firmly to the rock face.

Ian removed his hand from between his eyebrows and turned his head to check. They were entrance tickets to the Black Tailed Clock Tower, a famous spot located on the outskirts of Higher.

“You managed to get these quite well.”

“As the head of a trading company, you should dabble in the love business too.”

Ian let out a chuckle. Though he had comforted himself with various reasons, in the end, there was only one answer from the beginning.

Elai lit a definite fire to that wick.

“Just do as you’ve been doing. I’ve never seen anyone Your Majesty hasn’t been able to string along when you’ve stepped up. If this turns out to be an exception… well, that would be interesting in its own way too.”

Despite the light-hearted laugh, there was a glimmer of concern in his red eyes touched by moonlight.

Ian also got up from his seat.

Push forward, he muttered inwardly as he lightly patted Elai’s shoulder.

“If things go wrong, I’ll personally make sure to blame it all on you.”

“And if things go well, it’ll all be thanks to Your Majesty’s sophisticated handling.”

“Don’t go washing your mouth later saying you don’t remember saying such things.”

“If you disparage my pain like that-”

“Seems like you want other places to hurt besides your head.”

Instead of answering, Elai narrowed his eyes slightly. As Ian passed by him, heading back to the guild, he casually tossed a farewell greeting.

“Next time, let’s try to come with Assistant Dion.”

Ian’s steps faltered for a moment. Ah, right, that chatterbox. It’ll be quite a sight when we meet.

Feeling as if his ears were already hurting, he rubbed his earlobe absently and started walking again.

“…I should refrain from washing my ears.”

To block it out a bit.

The white room on the third floor of Evergale’s eastern mansion, reached by climbing stairs made of polished birch. This room, used as someone’s bedroom, always boasted a diverse beauty.

Exotic decorations, carefully chosen furniture, and classic wallpaper harmonized to maximize the beauty that the room’s owner prioritized above all else.

It was even more dazzling at noon like now. When languor seemed almost tangible, floating in the air.

In the midst of it all, Natasha sat on the bed wearing only a negligee with cascading white frills and a thin shawl, her feet in slippers.

She swept her blonde hair to one side, exposing her nape, then tapped the communication device on the bedside table.

The device’s light flickered for a long while before finally displaying the image of the other person.

“I contacted you three days ago.”

Eugene showed clear signs of fatigue through the screen.

“Did something happen in the meantime? If it’s related to Gordon again-”

“No, it’s not that, but…”

Natasha slightly tilted her right shoulder, pretending to adjust her posture. The strap of her negligee slipped down along the long line of her neck to her shoulder.

Natasha leaned forward without stopping. The loose silk revealed even more of her bare skin underneath.

“I’m so lonely, Your Highness.”

Natasha quietly murmured, capturing Eugene with her clear green eyes. All of this seemed to have happened unintentionally, adding to its innocent transparency.

It was a pitifulness that would be conveyed even through the flat screen, but Eugene responded quite coldly.

“Is that the reason you contacted me?”

“…Do you need a better reason than this?”

“If needed, is there one?”

“…No.”

Natasha, who seemed to be holding back her words for a moment, immediately added:

“There’s no reason, and I don’t have a single ally around me. I’m not just lonely, I’m heartbroken, Your Highness.”

As Natasha sniffled once, tears began to well up in her eyes. Eugene absorbed the scene with an unwavering expression.

It was a situation he had grown accustomed to by now. Natasha rarely didn’t cry when she contacted him.

Nevertheless, this time the tears seemed even more concentrated, so Eugene squeezed out a slight interest.

“If something happened, just say it directly, Natasha. I’ll resolve it without you wasting time on unnecessary words.”

As he said this, Eugene scanned Natasha’s body with his gaze. It was to check for injuries like last time in Futua, but her flawless, smooth skin was the same as he had seen three days ago.

Perhaps the left shoulder hidden by the shawl was the problem. Just as Eugene was about to open his mouth to point it out, Natasha, understanding his gaze, intercepted his breath first.

“Lady Christine always seems desperate to drive me out. She interferes with my daily routine, nitpicks every little thing…”

“I said there’s no need to waste time on unnecessary words.”

“-Won’t you come back now?”

At the finally revealed true intention, Eugene quietly sighed through his nose.

She was a woman with many desires. And many words.

“…Helena was always quiet.”

“Pardon?”

Natasha, wiping away her tears, looked at Eugene with round eyes.

Instead of comforting her, Eugene turned his gaze away from the screen. As he resumed the work he had been doing, he subtly pointed out her behavior.

“Mother wouldn’t harass you without any reason.”

“It’s clear she’s doing this simply because she doesn’t like me.”

“Making her like you is also your role. You should know, Natasha, that the aspects of you that I cherish might be irritating thorns to someone else.”

At some point, terms of endearment no longer came from Eugene’s lips. Natasha’s face turned pitifully pale, but Eugene continued without even glancing at her, criticizing her attire.

“What time is it now, and you’re still dressed like that. If you want to please Mother, you should have shown sincerity in doing your work satisfactorily first.”

“I did my best in my own way.”

The hand that had been moving the quill pen smoothly paused for a moment. Eugene raised only his eyes, furrowing his brow, and told Natasha:

“From now on, do your best not in your own way, but in Evergale’s way. I won’t even ask for the best.”

“…So in the end, you too think I’m far inferior to the Madam.”

“-Natasha.”

“But you used to say you disliked that because it was boring.”

“……”

A moment of silence followed. The silence that seemed like it would last long was broken when Eugene put down his quill pen.

“I’ve almost found it. I’ll be there soon, so wait.”

And the screen disappeared.

Natasha held the turned-off communication device silently. Though the lazy afternoon sunlight remained the same, the air around her felt like winter had come early.

But Natasha wasn’t worried. There was nothing to worry about. Because she knew she had already become his responsibility.

‘So even if you say you love that woman again now, you can’t shake me off just as much.’

Whether one wanted it or not, it wasn’t possible to erase an already established presence in an instant. Eugene’s current appearance was the clearest evidence of that.

Natasha put down the communication device and flopped down on the bed. She reveled in the soft touch of the bedding, wriggling her body.

It didn’t matter how much time was left before she would be pulled out. That was enough time to complete her task.

“I love you.”

A soft, low, warm tone. Words that had been branded like a seal on her cheek, her nape, her ear.

A voice that made her swallow her resolve to turn away countless times, that ultimately made her throw away her everything.

“I love you.”

But a voice no longer directed at her. Helena, knowing this, still called out to him like an engraved instinct.

“Eugene?”

Then Eugene, who had his back turned, slowly turned around. She immediately met cold, emotionless eyes.

Helena took a step to get closer to him. Pathetically, she was blocked by a hand that firmly pushed her away.

“You didn’t expect those words were for you, did you?”

“…Eugene?”

“Know your place, Helena. If I put you in that position, you shouldn’t expect my affection too.”

Eugene turned as if to turn his back again. Helena hurriedly grabbed his arm.

Her hand went out like a habit. It was as if she had become a wind-up doll programmed to move that way.

Her body moved on its own, even knowing that the Eugene before her was an illusion she had created. A creaking sound came from joints that hadn’t been oiled properly. Maybe it was the sound coming from her heart.

If only you would pour something into me, I would move properly. Like a new doll just out of its packaging, like on our wedding day. I would keep repeating that I love you over and over.

“It was you who gave me the name of Evergale. Does it make sense not to expect affection between a married couple?”

“This is why I’m tired of you.”

“What more do I need to do to satisfy you?”

“Nothing. So don’t try, Helena. I’ll give you one piece of advice out of consideration for our past relationship. If someone clings to you, discard them early. They surely have a price they want from you.”

Eugene removed Helena’s arm and turned around. Helena called his name repeatedly. She called and called until her throat felt like it would burst. But no actual words came out as sound.

Her legs wouldn’t move, as if nailed to the spot. She could only stand and watch as Natasha’s red nails wrapped around his nape and pulled him close.

‘Don’t go. Don’t go, Eugene.’

Her vision began to ripple. She was confused whether it was because of tears or because all of this was a dream.

It just hurt. It hurt and hurt again. Wondering if it would hurt less if she just tore out her heart, she clutched at her chest.

The heart she grasped like that was warm. It was soft and comfortable, as if she wondered if such warmth remained in her.

‘Why…’

Consciousness slowly surfaced. Only after blinking three or four times did she realize it was someone’s hand. When she turned her head to the side, she saw silver hair as expected.

How long had he been like this? Fatigue could be read on the face that had fallen asleep, hunched over the bedside.

As if he had taken away her fatigue, she felt too refreshed, while he looked tired.

Of course, the dark circles under his eyes didn’t mar his appearance.

The morning sunlight passing through the opaque window brushed between his sparkling eyelashes. Due to his distinct facial features, the boundary of the shadow cast over his face was clearly divided.

Helena turned her body completely to the side. After admiring his sculpture-like face for a moment, she carefully reached out her hand.

The slowly moving hand touched Ian’s sleeping face with a soft tap. It tickled past his straight nose bridge and cheek, then plucked away the hair that had fallen onto his brow.

“Why are you so…”

As she rubbed the plucked hair between her fingers, Helena felt her eyes reddening again.

Why do you make me struggle so much? Why do you keep making me forget my place?