Even if Your Regret Holds Me Back - Chapter 60

The villa located in the heart of the Berat Forest possessed an elegance different from the time-honored atmosphere of the Grand Duke’s residence.

The arched doors and cream-colored marble corridors always shimmered gently, day or night. Natasha liked the moment of walking through those corridors. Even more so now, with a dim silence settling all around.

At a time when only the sound of her own footsteps was the sole existing noise. It felt as if this was her own villa, and soon it would be. With Evergail.

Natasha entered the room she once stayed in without getting lost in the darkness. The neatly arranged bedding and curtains, the tidily organized vanity and wardrobe remained unchanged since her last visit.

Natasha sat at the vanity and first took out the communication device. A device with no incoming messages. It was no different from a cold, hard piece of scrap metal, but Natasha just stared at it blankly.

After about thirty minutes passed like that, there was a light landing sound outside the window. A man was standing on the windowsill like a nimble cat.

He opened the unlocked window and strode into the room. He was dressed in a mask and black attire, completely blending into the darkness from below his eyes.

Though reminiscent of an assassin or hitman, he did not conceal his presence. As he approached Natasha’s vicinity, a dark silhouette reflected in the vanity mirror. Yet Natasha did not move.

She was still staring intently at the communication device with no messages. Then the man took off his mask and lightly chided her.

“Will staring at it like that make a message come?”

Natasha replied without turning her eyes away.

“Shut up.”

“You know he’s a busy person.”

The man left her alone and flopped down on the bed. His purple hair tangled on the sheets. Only then did Natasha turn her head to face him.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. If you didn’t know, would you still be crawling at my feet, kitten?”

“Well, here I am trying to comfort you… We’re in a cooperative relationship, so let’s take it easy.”

The somewhat deflated man slowly sat up from his lying position. Propping himself up with both hands behind him to face Natasha, he clicked his tongue and then tentatively asked.

“You’re not actually in love with the Grand Duke, are you?”

The moment the question mark dropped, Natasha’s expression became peculiar. She tilted her head slightly as if she had received a strange question. Then, returning it to its original position, she smiled faintly.

“I love him.”

“What?”

The man let out an unbelieving sound. He removed his propped hands and stood up abruptly.

“You’re joking, right?”

“Does it look like I am?”

Natasha turned her head back to the mirror. Her raised corners of the mouth deepened further, and her eyes narrowed into curves. With her cheeks flushing slightly, her smiling face was unmistakably that of a woman in love.

Seeing this, the man let out an empty sigh.

“You must be mistaken.”

Natasha shook her head gently.

“It’s more than a mistake.”

A lovely smile still lingered on her lips as she spoke. Natasha gently stroked the cooled communication device and continued.

“Do you know when the best acting is achieved?”

The fingers that had been caressing the metal surface curled up, raising her nails. The uneven tips of her nails made ticking sounds as they hit the hard surface.

She remained like that for a while. As if hoping that this tapping would be transmitted to the one beyond like her own heartbeat.

In the silence where her voice had disappeared, Natasha gradually erased her smile. When she finally returned to a completely expressionless state, she quietly murmured.

“When you even deceive yourself.”

[This is the timeline separator]

Despite Helena’s foul play, Ian won the afternoon race bet.

His condition was that Helena would escort him to his quarters after dinner.

Of course, assuming she could control her body normally.

Currently, Ian was deeply regretting not adding that condition.

“Hmm… here… ah, it’s to the left.”

Helena kept leaning on him languidly. The occasional breath touching his nape was ticklish. Ian, rather, held his breath tightly before speaking.

“I’ll consider the bet fulfilled, so just let me support you quietly today.”

Of course, his opinion was lightly disregarded. The irregular sound of footsteps on the gravel path only stopped when they reached Ian’s quarters.

Helena, who had grudgingly escorted Ian, now insisted on going to her own quarters alone.

“I can get there fine on my own. Don’t follow me.”

Her words came out somewhat slowly as she struggled to straighten her curved tongue.

Ian pulled on the hand holding Helena’s arm, turning her towards him.

“You like being proper, don’t you? Is that why you want to hide being drunk?”

Helena raised her head to argue. Unfairly, his face was hidden in the darkness and not easily visible.

It could also be because her eyes wouldn’t open properly.

However, the next words made Helena’s mind suddenly ring an alarm.

“Then my bed would be closer than your room.”

What did he just say… Her buzzing mind rang. Helena had to struggle to string together the floating words into a sentence.

“…Then my fist might be faster than my mouth.”

“We won’t know until we try, I suppose.”

His voice was a bit too husky to be just mixed with laughter. Helena was very curious about his expression but turned her head diagonally to avoid his eyes.

Even knowing it was a joke, hearing it from him made her face feel hot. A heat different from the alcohol rose. The darkness she had thought unfair earlier now felt welcome.

Helena blamed the alcohol and admitted.

Because she was drunk, that’s why.

‘I keep feeling this way.’

Helena tried to grasp his fingers on her shoulder and remove them.

“Alright, I’m drunk. So stop teasing me.”

“How should I make it not seem like teasing?”

But his hand didn’t easily come off. More weight pressed on her skin. Helena, pausing for a moment, carefully opened her lips.

“Why do you want to do that?”

“…That’s right.”

Why do I want to do this?

The added voice was low. It was moist and hazy, as if squeezing the night air.

Helena spoke at the end of her breath, as if trying to reclaim the air he had taken.

“Don’t ask if you don’t know yourself.”

‘Because I’m too confused too.’

After a while, the gentle pressure on her shoulder finally disappeared. However, it didn’t completely withdraw but came down to hold her hand again.

“I’m sorry if the joke went too far. But I still believe I have the right to walk by your side.”

It was his usual plain tone. The firm skin digging between her fingers might not be, though.

He brought their intertwined hands to his lips and kissed them like a feather. With that, he slowly took a step.

Helena walked along without letting go of his hand. The sound of their footsteps continued quietly.

Whether it was a joke or earnest, a lie or the truth.

‘It’s warm.’

He was warmth once again. Inevitably, he was warmth.

[This is the timeline separator]

“What kind of relationship do you have?”

The sudden question awakened her mind that had been floating aimlessly straight ahead.

Helena put down the morning coffee she was about to bring to her lips and turned her head to the side.

The young guild member who had been chattering away next to her since early morning leaned his upper body further towards her and asked again.

“He sticks to you persistently like a tick, but it doesn’t seem like you’re lovers. I’m just curious.”

“Who… with that person?”

“Yes, the one who’s probably in your mind right now.”

His eyes clearly revealed his blatant interest in Helena.

Helena lowered her eyes to the coffee cup again. She fell into thought while tracing the rim of the cup with her finger.

What kind of relationship?

‘Of course, it’s…’

The answer that seemed like it would come out simply got stuck with a feeling of her stomach turning.

Helena deliberately took a few sips of coffee before struggling to answer. The young guild member grinned broadly upon hearing her response.

“So you’re not in any kind of relationship then?”

Helena fidgeted with the back of her hand as if the warmth from last night still lingered there.

“I wouldn’t say exactly that…”

It was then. The door burst open, and the subject of their conversation suddenly appeared.

Ian strode in and gulped down the cold water placed in front of the guild member. The emptied glass returned to its place somewhat roughly. His eyes were uncharacteristically sharp.

Keeping those sharp eyes unblunted, Ian turned them to Helena and nodded.

“Let’s go, to spar.”

[This is the timeline separator]

As the morning sunlight grew stronger, melting the cool air. Sakin sat outside the sparring grounds, placing his sword on his knees and began to polish it.

The spacious resting area that had felt empty with just him became quite weighty as Plam approached with heavy steps.

“The atmosphere is particularly fierce today. Did something happen?”

He sat down with a casual groan, bending his knees. As he did so, he laid his greatsword sideways for Sakin to polish easily. His gaze remained fixed ahead under his caterpillar-like eyebrows.

More precisely, on the man and woman intensely facing each other.

Sakin continued rubbing the oily cloth on the broad blade as he answered.

“Well… it’s nothing much, but this morning some guild member casually asked the young lady what kind of relationship she has with our captain. But the young lady…”

Clang!

“What on earth did she answer to make him like that?”

Plam’s tongue-clicking sound was drowned out by the successive clanging sounds. But he was able to get the answer from Ian’s voice that burst out among them.

“Not a man-woman relationship? Couldn’t you have found a better expression?”

As soon as Ian withdrew his clashing sword, he dove into Helena’s side. Helena parried him off and met his eyes.

“It’s not like we’re lovers or friends either.”

A brief and intense exchange of emotions took place over the crossed blades.

Unlike Ian’s firm pupils, Helena’s blue eyes trembled slightly. There was a mix of bewilderment, not understanding why he was suddenly acting this way.

Catching this, Ian’s intensity softened a little.

“Lovers… I’ll let that slide. But we can’t even be friends? I’m quite hurt.”