Even if Your Regret Holds Me Back - Chapter 54

Realizing what it meant, Helena raised one eyebrow.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t take it?”

“From now on, I’ll accept it regularly. If it’s even a day late, I’ll double the interest.”

“……Vicious swindler.”

“What did you just say?”

Helena shook her head, claiming innocence. At the same time, as she tried to pull her wrist free, Ian playfully tugged her slightly.

“You must have said it.”

“You must have heard wrong.”

“Now you know how to tease others too.”

“Now you’re no longer a stranger to me.”

He seemed to like the answer. Ian burst into a clear laugh and let her go.

In the hand that had left Helena’s wrist, there was a money pouch that he had taken without her noticing.

“From now on, you’ll have to come find me every time you repay, so we’ll see each other often.”

Helena frantically felt her empty bosom. Soon, a sigh of resignation escaped. She threw the wet towel at Ian’s exposed abdomen, his shirt unbuttoned.

Then she turned and walked to the doorway. As Helena put her hand on the doorknob, a soft voice mixed with laughter saw her off.

“Sweet dreams.”

Helena Evergale was dead.

It was only after a month that Eugene finally realized it. The death of the Grand Duchess Evergale no longer appeared even in the corners of newspapers.

Eugene thought he could cut it off just as easily. He believed he hadn’t held onto it in the first place.

However, the days he thought would flow away like sand grains stubbornly clung on, turning into a living hell.

⌜After living a lifetime in darkness, I saw just one beam of light. Of course I’d grab it. Even if there’s a cliff below. Even if what I’m holding onto is just a rotten rope that’s nothing more than an illusion.⌟

Once.

⌜The love I’ve stored up stinks of rot, Eugene. So the stench coming from me, who’s been holding onto it all this time, must be foul. That’s why you abandoned me too, right?⌟

Twice.

⌜If this was how our fate would turn out, I wish we had never started in the first place.⌟

Three times.

The guillotine blade fell every time, and the woman who only knew how to throw herself away until the end disappeared like that.

Along with the dark clouds that had hazily covered his mind.

Only then did Eugene see what was on his hands. It was dark red, sticky blood. Helena Evergale’s blood.

“Don’t go, Eugene!”

Thud!

The woman’s sharp cry cut through the scene like a falling blade.

“Huh, huk…!”

Eugene took a sharp breath in and out as he abruptly sat up in bed.

Sweat that had cooled even more in the dawn air clung to the nape of his neck. He rubbed the back of his neck and hurriedly checked his palms.

The sticky bloodstains seemed to have been washed away without a trace.

It was a dream.

A dream that felt like repeating the exact same past.

Though it was just a few hours, he never wanted to experience it again. It was terribly unpleasant.

‘What nonsense…’

He thought he wasn’t usually affected by dreams. But ever since having that strange hallucination before, he occasionally experienced nights like this.

Helena in scenes so vivid it was hard to distinguish between reality and dream. It made him feel quite disgusted.

Eugene roughly threw off the blanket and got up. He went to the shower room, turned on the water without thinking, and stood under it. He hoped the unsettling scenes would flow away with the pouring water.

But Helena’s afterimage seemed to flow away only to stubbornly remain.

⌜You said you’d love only me.⌟

In the dream, Helena kept dying endlessly due to her own misunderstanding, and though her words were different each time, the implied meaning was the same.

Resentment for why he left her. A sense of betrayal for not believing her.

‘No, was it resignation?’

Whatever emotion was etched in her words and face, Eugene couldn’t understand.

‘You left me first. Then why, why…’

Even if dreams are manifestations of the unconscious, Eugene wanted to control everything. Whether it was something he loved dearly or hated, it had to dance in the palm of his hand.

There must be a reason for the sudden appearance of the unconscious. He traced back his recent actions while brushing back his wet hair.

In an instant, one fact flashed through his mind. A fact he thought was perfectly concealed and hadn’t even considered.

‘Did she know about Natasha’s existence?’

From the moment he started to realize it, his skin began to tingle. The water he poured to wash away distracting thoughts instead became daggers that stabbed him.

It hurt as if that mere water flow was reproaching the sins of the past he had carelessly let slip.

Whether it was his skin or his heavily constricting heart, he couldn’t tell exactly.

‘I, you, you…’

Droplets clinging to his eyelashes fell to the floor. Eugene couldn’t close or blink his open eyes. He remained motionless like that for a long time.

The image of Helena’s back as she left Evergale without looking back lingered.

Eugene didn’t want to regret until the end. But Helena had finally made him do so.

‘I should have held on. I shouldn’t have let you go like that then.’

The hand braced against the wall turned bone-white with force. The sound of water continued ceaselessly through the night. Water kept pooling at his feet.

Ridiculously, Eugene Evergale had stagnated from the moment Helena Evergale moved.

There was time until the next subjugation battle, but Helena’s daily routine remained unchanged.

As if she would show withdrawal symptoms if she skipped even a day of training, she headed to the training grounds without fail today as well.

“Ugh…!”

Of course, her body that had been overexerted during the subjugation battle had not yet recovered. The aftermath of swinging her sword in a trance was quite significant and lasting for quite a while.

Because of this, even small movements like bending and straightening her waist to choose a wooden sword caused various parts to scream out in pain.

Helena forcibly ignored it. She just gritted her teeth and endured the groans. Already sweating profusely, she sat on a pile of stones and tightened her boot laces further.

However, the lace she was pulling tight with her index finger soon came loose again. It was because someone had grabbed Helena’s hand.

“…Mr. Plam.”

“I told you it’s fine to just call me uncle comfortably, didn’t I?”

Plam plopped down cross-legged in front of Helena. As dust rose, Helena leaned her upper body back slightly.

In the meantime, Plam let go of Helena’s hand. Instead, he completely undid the boot laces that were only half-tied.

Helena, somewhat surprised, tried to pull her foot back, but it was no match for Plam’s strength. In the end, Helena even had her boot taken away.

Plam smiled genially at her, who was watching with wary eyes.

“Your muscles must be in terrible shape right now. Sometimes taking proper rest is what improves your skills.”

His rough right hand grasped Helena’s ankle. He carefully unwound the bandage wrapped up to above her ankle bone and clicked his tongue.

“You’re walking around well like this? It’s amazing you can walk on this leg.”

Helena was about to answer that Mr. Plam’s hands were big, but she flinched. It was because his fingertips pressed on a place that was slightly swollen along with a bluish bruise.

Recognizing this, Plam lessened the strength in his grip on her ankle. Helena’s face flushed hot, feeling as if her weakness had been exposed. She struggled once more to pull her ankle free. Of course, it was useless.

Plam steadfastly turned the bony ankle this way and that, lightly chiding.

“I expected it from when I first saw you, but you’re really tough. How could you think of training again in this state?”

“It looks worse than it is, the pain isn’t that bad−. Ah!”

When Plam firmly pressed on the affected area, Helena let out a groan. Plam’s eyes narrowed as he looked at her.

“As if it’s fine.”

“…I didn’t know you had such a mischievous side.”

He ignored the complaint and rummaged through the bundle he had slung over his shoulder. Soon, new bandages and ointment fell in front of Helena.

“I know what your specialty is, but sometimes enduring isn’t always the best.”

Plam gripped her foot with his palm against her sole so that Helena couldn’t escape.

Maintaining moderate pressure, he first spread the ointment on the affected area. Then he pulled out a bandage about an arm’s width long and tore it with his teeth.

Next, he stuck one end of the bandage as if to secure it, and then his hand moving up to her calf was unhesitating. It was fast but delicate.

Helena slightly hunched her upper body and quietly watched what he was doing.

‘The movement itself is clearly unnatural… but there’s no hesitation.’

Today too, his left hand was tightly wrapped under a black leather glove. Unlike his right hand, which was bare and moved much more naturally.

Helena couldn’t take her eyes off Plam’s left arm for a moment.

Though it didn’t hinder his actions, it didn’t feel like the smooth movement of joints. It was closer to a mechanical movement that occasionally clicked and stopped, as if thick gears were meshing one by one.

“It’s done.”

Nevertheless, the treated ankle was perfect.

Helena remained silent, blinking her eyes until Plam put her foot into her boot. The entire process took only one minute.

‘Well… with such skilled hands, no wonder he satisfies even Gelda’s fastidious eyes.’

Plam put his hand on one bent knee, shifted his center of gravity, and stood up with a grunt.

Helena also got up following him.

“Thank you.”

As he put the bandages and ointment Helena handed back into the bundle, Plam instructed:

“Knowing how to take care of your own body is also a virtue. No one’s going to say anything if you rest a bit, so live while breathing a little.”

He reached out his hand as if to pat Helena’s head, then withdrew it. He was used to always doing that with Lily, but he barely stopped himself and rubbed his own beard instead.

Soon, as if he had thought of something, Plam grinned.

“Speaking of which, I’m out of materials… If you’re grateful, why don’t you go to the central district with that puppy young man?”

“Puppy…?”

At that moment, Sarkin suddenly appeared from behind and chimed in.

“I’m ready, uncle! Oh, miss, you were here too!”

His blue hair swayed like a puppy’s tail.