Even if Your Regret Holds Me Back - Chapter 50

“You have a very strong tendency to avoid. You instinctively avoid confrontation. So you’re specialized in defense, but at a disadvantage when it comes to attacking someone. You’ve never attacked anyone, have you?”

“…I don’t want to.”

“I feel the same way. How could harming someone else be enjoyable?”

At that moment, Sakin, who had been quietly listening behind them, suddenly stood up.

“Lies! Those are blatant lies, miss!”

As if he had many things to protest, he raised his clenched fist high and shook it.

Ian did not stop Sakin. He didn’t even look at him, let alone turn his head, maintaining his posture with his back turned.

He merely lightly threw the wooden sword, now completely cleaned of dirt, backwards. The wooden sword hit Sakin’s forehead with a crisp thwack sound. With not at all gentle force.

“I wonder if you know the feeling of your knees going weak just from looking at someone’s eyes… Ugh!”

With the sound of impact, the tattling voice was abruptly cut off.

Ian continued speaking as if nothing had happened.

“I know you’re not used to harming others, but a sword has two edges. As much as you use the sword’s power, you must also understand its cruelty.”

He approached the pile of bricks a few steps away. Then he drew the greatsword that Sakin had placed on top and swung it.

The wind created by the blade cutting through the air made Helena’s bangs flutter. As she stepped back a little, the sword made a few more swooshing sounds, stirring the air.

“It’s the weight that anyone who wields a weapon must bear. Protecting one’s domain also means having to kill those who intrude.”

For a moment, his usually straightforward purple eyes wavered. Helena didn’t let him go, staring at him just as he had done to her.

What memories were flowing through those sunken dregs right now?

‘What did you… have to kill in order to protect what?’

Her mind filled with thoughts became complicated. Her throat that had stopped speaking felt dry.

‘At least it must be better than me, who foolishly dropped my neck to protect love.’

Because in front of him, she felt herself becoming infinitely smaller again. Because she felt shabby for only knowing how to use such methods.

However, her self-reproach was interrupted when Ian handed her the greatsword. Her arms dropped down with the sudden weight.

“There’s no need to be so serious from the start, though.”

Ian, quickly returning to his usual expression, changed the atmosphere. Hearing him, Sakin behind them grumbled, “After scaring us just now!”

Ian took Helena’s wooden sword and once again hit him with it. Sakin approached, dragging a long bench while holding his red, swollen forehead.

Ian took back the greatsword while continuously looking only at Helena. As if trying to recapture Helena’s scattered gaze back to himself, he gently stroked the back of her hand.

“Anyway, there may come a time when you have to do it someday. That’s why we train. To be prepared.”

While Ian was sheathing the greatsword, Sakin seated Helena on the chair. He also handed her the water bottle from his waist and placed his hand on Helena’s shoulder.

As he relieved the tense muscles with appropriate pressure, Helena couldn’t help but let out a faint moan. A satisfied smile spread across Sakin’s lips.

“Hehe, I was also famous in our house for my magic hands.”

[This is the timeline separator]

As usual, Eugene informed the knights of the search areas and set out into the streets with Walter. It was the routine that Helena had created for him. He hoped it wouldn’t become a daily occurrence.

As they were walking like that, Walter suddenly stopped. He was looking across the street. Since it was an uncharacteristic sudden action, Eugene followed his gaze.

A well-built man with blonde hair was approaching, waving his hand as if pleased to see them.

Eugene fixed his gaze straight ahead and tilted his head slightly to the side.

“Do you know him?”

“Well… I had a small friction with that man’s brother in an alley the other day. We cleared up the misunderstanding with a fairly good duel… He said he was a regular knight belonging to a merchant guild.”

Walter, standing behind Eugene, answered close to his back. Meanwhile, the man had reached within arm’s length of them.

“For a city not small enough to bump into someone you’ve just crossed paths with, meeting you again like this might be fate. Anyway, it’s good to see you.”

His manner was as smooth as his appearance. Walter didn’t dislike the man’s glib attitude, but Eugene was with him now. He needed to first ask for permission to have a separate conversation with the man.

However, before Walter could open his mouth, Eugene asked the man:

“Haven’t we met somewhere before?”

Walter’s slightly parted lips froze in place. Eugene was not the type of person to usually ask such questions, nor did he easily take interest in others in the first place.

Of course, that wasn’t the important fact right now. The feeling of bewilderment had to be discarded as soon as possible.

Probably, given this man’s behavior, he would block the way regardless of whether it was a beast or a person…

“When did you start hitting on me? No matter how much you rely on your face, I won’t fall for it.”

Because he would dare to say such things to Eugene.

Walter could only hold his forehead, unable to even groan. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. Surely Eugene must be emanating killing intent.

It was fortunate that he couldn’t see his expression from behind.

However, even facing him from the front, the man still seemed to lack the sense to discern the situation.

“Oh my. I heard that men who jest well are popular with ladies, but it seems it doesn’t work on gentlemen. Or perhaps this gentleman doesn’t understand the aesthetics of humor?”

Seeing how he was stretching out his neck, asking to have his windpipe cut off…

It was awkward to call it fate, but too precious to call it a passing encounter. Walter hurriedly stepped forward, hoping he could at least act as a buffer.

“That’s enough. This is not someone you can exchange jokes with. If you dare to approach with such crude words one more time, I won’t stand idly by.”

Walter swallowed dryly and finally checked Eugene’s face. As expected, it was full of anger. But on the other hand, his expectations were off the mark.

Eugene, who seemed like he might draw his sword, simply turned his body away.

“Let’s go. You too, don’t associate too much with lunatics. Life is already tiring enough.”

Eugene hurried along the path he had been walking. Walter followed closely behind, giving the man an apologetic look.

The man stepped aside, signaling that he understood. That’s what Walter thought.

“Memories are such fickle things.”

Until he dropped words that were neither believable nor understandable again.

“The one who forgets is done with it, but the one who remembers relives that irretrievable moment alone, even for the share of the one who forgot.”

Eugene’s footsteps came to an abrupt halt. Walter prayed that he wouldn’t turn around. He wished the man would just shut his mouth.

Of course, in his life, situations rarely unfolded according to his wishes.

“My master is in quite a pitiful situation. His first love has completely erased my master from her mind, even though he would gladly hang himself for her. Yet he claims it doesn’t matter and keeps running forward, it’s just…”

This was just one of those situations. The man finally threw out new bait, and Eugene faced him with eyes filled with even thicker killing intent.

For some reason finding it amusing, the man consistently maintained a grinning smile.

“Isn’t it amazing? Such people should really meet each other. Fortunately, I happen to be an expert at catching bugs.”

He approached Eugene with a leisurely breath. Walter was simply amazed at how easily he could do that.

Meanwhile, his outstretched hand lightly scratched the air as if catching something.

“I’m thinking of lending a little help.”

The man maintained his smirk as he opened his palm. The remains of a bug, crushed beyond recognition of what it originally was, fell from it.

“Whether it’s a pest or a beneficial insect, I’m not sure. You, being much more knowledgeable than me, might know.”

He looked down at the remains that fell like ash with indifferent eyes and dusted off his hand. Then he placed it on Eugene’s shoulder. It seemed that whatever little sense he had left had finally vanished.

The shocked Walter inevitably reached for his sword hilt. It would be better for the man if he stepped in before Eugene. However, the hand that had just grasped the handle stopped in place.

The man’s suddenly changed gaze made it so.

Red, intense, and darkly boiling eyes. It was as if he had completely transformed into a different person… a different being and then returned.

“Well then, take care.”

The man’s nonchalant voice touched the momentarily paused time again. Like a small water balloon bursting, pop.

When Walter blinked, everything had disappeared. The frozen expression, the inexplicable sense of discomfort. As if it had all been an illusion, the man moved along leisurely as he had when he arrived.

Walter forcibly turned his stiff neck to look at Eugene. This time, he thought, he surely won’t hold back.

Surprisingly, he was still in place. In a daze. He just stood there with empty, hollow eyes fixed somewhere.

“Your Excellency…? Are you alright?”

Walter asked cautiously, but at the moment, his words couldn’t reach Eugene.

It was because of a certain memory that pierced through his mind like an electric shock the moment he brushed past the man. No, could this even be called a memory?

‘This can’t be happening.’

Eugene clutched his head. Too untrue to be a memory, too vivid to be a fantasy, the scene kept flowing.

Himself, unfamiliar yet not strange, someone he didn’t know and had never been… and Helena.

Whether he closed his eyes or opened them. The scene wouldn’t disappear.

It felt like being pushed out against his will in front of an unavoidable wave. Yet there was no pain in his head either.

‘Why am I, why am I… you?’

It was just a day that pierced his heart.

A day I forgot and you alone ruminated over, an unknown day.