Even if Your Regret Holds Me Back - Chapter 38

Walter’s footsteps grew more distant. Eugene remained still until the sound completely faded.

He blew smoke into the air several times, and when even that wore off, he opened a new whiskey.

Both cigarettes and alcohol. Things he wouldn’t touch because of Helena went down well now that she wasn’t by his side.

It was because thoughts he didn’t want to entertain kept coming to mind. He needed something to stir them up.

Basil’s death, her increasingly lethargic appearance, and finally her declaration of divorce.

The love he had believed to be pure affection might have been his own delusion.

For that beloved kin, she might have been living pretending to love him.

An unexpected fear overwhelmed him.

Eugene Evergail, dared to have something to fear.

‘Was it for money that you married me from the start, Helena?’

When the doubt that even alcohol couldn’t overcome finally bloomed.

Crash!

Eugene threw the glass he was holding at the wall in front of him.

Like the shattered glass pieces, his thoughts scattered into fragments.

No. No.

‘That’s impossible.’

It wasn’t just his wish to rationalize.

She wasn’t wicked enough to harbor such intentions. She wasn’t a woman who used her head in front of love.

If love was a game where the one who loves more loses, Helena was always the loser.

So if there was a reason, it would be…

It would be…

Eugene closed his eyes and leaned back on the sofa, reluctant to draw a conclusion.

He didn’t want to regret. He had done nothing wrong.

This worry should end with her standing in his daily life again.

‘Tomorrow, I’ll have to expand the search radius beyond the bridge.’

He had already received several testimonies of seeing a beautiful woman with red hair. Eugene soothed his troubled mind by retracing the remaining routes.

But before long, he raised his upper body again and buried his forehead in his palm. A growling groan escaped through his clenched teeth.

He tried to think only of urgent matters, but it wasn’t easy. Neither a person nor a thought that had already taken root could be uprooted in an instant.

Rather, every time he tried to find Helena, he felt like he was losing her.

There was no point in turning away, he already knew the answer. So.

‘I’m angry.’

At her for hiding everything.

At himself for not knowing everything.

For the first time, he was angry.

.

.

.

Not far away, the sound of trumpet playing rang out loudly.

The celebration for the succession of the new marquis title in the Firencia region adjacent to Evergail was in full swing.

Eugene searched for Helena with uncharacteristically hurried steps. Fortunately, the vivid red was visible even from afar.

Pushing through the crowd and finally standing beside Helena, Eugene wrapped one arm around her shoulder and whispered in her ear.

“Sorry I’m late.”

It was an apology that made the promise from a few days ago meaningless. It was he who had first suggested attending the succession ceremony to enjoy the festival together.

If he had known it would be like this, he wouldn’t have gone to see Natasha in the first place.

At some point, Eugene found it increasingly difficult to stop going to the villa. Even if he just intended to check if she was doing well.

Moreover, once he went, time flew by as if he was enchanted. Today too, he couldn’t refuse Natasha’s request to stay a little longer and ended up being late.

However, contrary to Eugene’s worry, Helena calmly greeted him.

“It’s okay. It wasn’t bad being alone.”

It wasn’t an angry tone, nor a tired one, nor was it entirely emotionless. It was as if she had chosen a casual answer because her mind was occupied with something else.

Helena, who briefly glanced at Eugene, turned her head forward again.

“As you said, attending parties often is helpful. Seeing things like that.”

Eugene followed Helena’s gaze. There, a knight’s competition was in full swing.

The inauguration ceremony for the newly organized knights following the generational change in the Firencia family had already ended. This competition seemed to be held as part of the event.

As befitting an event, there was also a space next to the dueling arena where swords were introduced and taught to beginners.

Eugene, having grasped the identity of ‘things like that’, looked down at Helena intently.

‘…Is it fun?’

She couldn’t take her eyes off the swordfight, as if not wanting to miss a single small movement. She was also holding a wooden training sword, from somewhere she had received it.

Her white cheeks were flushed like peach blossoms, as if she had participated in some event while he was away. A faint but lively expression returned to her face, which had been showing only one expression lately.

Helena, still fixing her gaze on the knights’ movements, said,

“Since I was young… I sometimes thought. That I wanted to become a knight just once. A wandering knight who roams freely without being tied to one place.”

At this, Eugene chuckled.

“There are no women wielding swords while wearing dresses, Helena.”

Helena’s slightly raised corners of her mouth returned to their original position.

She blinked slowly and looked up at Eugene.

“…Then what if I take off the dress?”

Inwardly, a different question flowed.

‘What if I strip off Evergail from me?’

Fortunately or unfortunately, Helena’s gaze missed Eugene’s. He had turned his head to instruct something to a servant with a gesture.

Whether he had read her hidden true feelings, she didn’t know.

However, as he received what the servant brought, he answered.

“People shine the most when they wear what suits them best.”

Eugene opened a parasol densely designed with cream-colored frills.

Suddenly, Helena’s grip held the smooth, white handle of the parasol instead of the rough wooden texture.

Handing the wooden sword he had taken from her hand back to the servant, Eugene instructed.

“The sun is hot, so let’s move indoors now. Your skin will tan.”

“…”

Eugene began to move through the crowd with his arm around Helena’s shoulder.

Helena followed him silently, then stopped midway.

Fearing she might bump into someone passing by due to the sudden stop, Eugene pulled her closer.

Until then, no words came from Helena. She only tilted the parasol back slightly so its tip wouldn’t poke Eugene.

“Helena?”

Eugene looked at Helena with a puzzled expression.

She quietly opened her mouth.

“Eugene. Do I look radiant to you now?”

Under the brilliant afternoon sunlight, wrapped in a fresh light green silk dress, and with her beautiful face shaded by the parasol, the woman asked.

At that moment, Eugene’s body stiffened.

For a fleeting moment, someone else with a more fragile impression overlapped with her.

‘Your Highness, don’t go.’

The back of his eyeballs, where the afterimage remained, dried up.

Eugene rubbed his stiff eyes amidst considerable shock.

‘Why did I…?’

He couldn’t face Helena right away. He moved his lips only after a short while.

“…Always have.”

He answered again, as if confirming to himself.

“You’ve shone in every moment you’ve been by my side.”

Despite hearing the answer, Helena didn’t move.

She didn’t know what expression to show Eugene, who wasn’t meeting her eyes.

‘Then… why did you abandon me and go to that woman again?’

So she just erased her expression.

She erased her eyes, nose, and mouth, swallowed the question that had risen to her throat, and instead coated her tongue with a different question and spat it out.

“Will you continue to love me even if I don’t shine? Even if I’m a woman holding a sword while wearing a dress?”

This time, she could hear his voice much faster.

“Even if you’re a woman holding a sheaf of grain while wearing rags.”

“…Even then?”

“I love you. Even then.”

Eugene took her small face in both hands, pulled her close, and kissed her round forehead. Then he hurried his steps again.

Helena walked keeping a slight distance from him. The heat left on her skin felt strangely alien.

Like his body heat currently spreading through her intertwined fingers.

Finally, she murmured softly.

“Liar.”

It was a voice faint enough to be swept away by a gentle breeze, but Eugene heard it.

However, he didn’t bother to look back. Anyway, he couldn’t check her expression because her face was hidden by the parasol.

What face did you make when you said such words then?

I should have looked back once, Eugene thought only now.

‘It’s big.’

Helena tilted her head back as far as she could. Still, the tips of the trees didn’t come into view.

Even though it was just the entrance to the forest, black trees stood densely as if to pierce the sky.

It was the result of randomly choosing any nearby place colored blue on the map and coming without a plan.

Whooosh− The eerie sound of wind passed by once more. Ian grabbed her arm.

“The energy doesn’t feel good. It would be better to turn back now.”

Although she hadn’t insisted on going to the forest, it was disappointing to turn back now that it was right in front of her.

Helena stood firm, resisting Ian’s attempt to pull her out.

“We haven’t even properly entered yet.”

“Let’s find another forest. Even if we pass through here, it’s questionable whether there’s a village beyond.”

“But surely on the map…”

Just as Helena was about to remove Ian’s hand and fumble to unfold the map from her bag,

“My goodness, what are you doing there?”

An old man, not far away, waved his hand, pale with fright.

“Come out quickly! Hurry!”

The two stared blankly at the old man, not understanding what was happening. The old man quickly looked around and then ran over, panting.

“Judging by your inability to understand, you must be from out of town. Anyway, if you value your lives, you shouldn’t be here like this.”

The old man grabbed one arm each of Ian and Helena and led them out of the forest path.

Helena looked up at Ian in bewilderment. However, he didn’t stop the old man. Rather, he placed his large hand on her back and gently pushed to prevent her from standing firm again.

The old man let go of their arms only when they reached a place where the shadows of the trees no longer fell.

Finally catching his breath, the old man pointed behind them and asked,

“You’re truly reckless. Didn’t you see the sign?”

“…?”

Helena carefully retraced the path they had come. But there was no sign. If there had been one, even if she had missed it, he would have seen it.

As the two quietly exchanged glances, the old man pressed his forehead.

“Oh my. It seems Cerberus has torn it off again.”

Clicking his tongue, the old man warned in a cautionary tone.

“If you don’t want to be eaten without a trace like that, don’t even think about this forest. It’s a den of beasts.”

“Beasts?”

“This forest itself is designated as a restricted area. It’s all a measure taken for safety. Originally, if reported as intruders, you’d have to pay a fine, but…”

After glancing at Helena and Ian, the old man continued.

“I’ll let it slide this time, seeing your faces as a couple.”

“Cough, cough!”

Just then, Ian, who had been drinking water, burst into a choking cough.