Even if Your Regret Holds Me Back - Chapter 35

The living ghost of Evergale.

That was how Walter Argyle viewed Helena.

He stroked his beard, which added dignity to his appearance, lost in thought.

Old memories surged like waves.

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‘Dad.’

‘Wake up, Dad.’

‘Should the captain of the knights of the proud grand duke’s family oversleep?’

“My pride isn’t that high… Irina…”

Walter woke up hearing the familiar voice.

Answering out of habit, he realized it was a dream when no reply came, and he came to his senses.

He grabbed a towel and staggered to the washbasin. The frozen water of midwinter burst out, rumbling through the drain pipes. He deliberately washed his face with the ice-cold water before wiping it.

As he looked up, a man just past the middle of his life was looking back at him. His reflection in the mirror had become unfamiliar lately.

The sparse white hairs starting to show, the deepening wrinkles around his eyes.

The clueless young knights praised it as the charm of a more refined middle-aged knight, but to Walter it was nothing more than a cruel reminder of the passage of time.

‘I’ve lived to this age even after losing you.’

It had been quite a while since he stepped down from the captain’s position due to exhaustion. During that time, his daughter’s way of addressing him remained fixed at “Captain.”

Still, he was grateful she appeared in his dream today. He started the day humming as if it were a good morning.

He neatly combed back his disheveled hair, tightly laced his military boots, and put on his uniform smartly.

After finishing his preparations, he turned back at the door before leaving.

“I’ll be back, Irina.”

Walter finally greeted the small frame on the shelf and left his residence.

A horse tied outside perked up its ears and approached as soon as it saw him.

“You seem to be in a good mood today.”

As he stroked its mane, its long tail swished from side to side. The foal his daughter once rode had now grown into a fine stallion and remained by his side.

Walter headed leisurely towards the temple, making the four-legged animal his only friend.

There was a reason he wasn’t going to the grand duke’s residence as usual. It was the wedding day of the new head of the family who had taken over Evergale after the passing of the previous Grand Duke Aslan.

‘I never thought the young master would fall in love with someone first… Human affairs are truly unpredictable. I guess I still have a lot to learn.’

Lost in various thoughts, the large spire was suddenly right in front of him. Walter entrusted his horse to the footman greeting visitors and continued walking.

The temple was filled with splendid vitality instead of its usual quiet atmosphere. Red camellia flowers densely decorated along the path were visible even before entering the main entrance.

It seemed somewhat unexpected for Yujin’s taste, who wouldn’t flinch even in bone-chilling cold.

Magic devices to raise the temperature were also visible, perhaps in consideration of the bride. Unimaginably expensive devices for ordinary people were scattered everywhere.

With that alone, the class of this wedding had crossed into an unreachable realm.

Walter admired the meticulous preparations as he looked around and then entered an area with few people.

Unlike the luxurious opposite side, the back of the temple was quiet. Only the shadow of the towering spire stretched long over the neat cobblestone path.

As there was still time to spare, Walter decided to stay here for a while. However, someone else had already come to avoid the commotion.

A woman in a snow-white wedding dress was pacing back and forth amidst the accumulated snow.

Walter hesitated at the unexpected scene.

Sensing his presence, the woman also whirled around sharply. The layered, voluminous dress skirt swirled with her movement.

“Who are you?”

Under the blue winter sky, he met eyes even more transparent than that.

For a moment, the image of his daughter wearing a wedding dress and veil flashed by.

‘If you were still alive, at this time…’

Walter stepped forward as if someone had pushed him from behind. Only after his Adam’s apple bobbed a few times did he finally manage to speak.

“…Walter Argyle, of the Evergale Knights. I apologize if I startled you.”

After bowing his head slightly in apology, he properly looked at the woman.

‘This person is Helena Owen…’

The bride, just an hour away from her wedding, was stunningly beautiful. However, that beauty couldn’t hide the tension spread across her face.

What could be so frightening to a new bride who should be enjoying the moment with nothing but happiness?

Perhaps because she reminded him of his daughter, Walter wanted to comfort her.

“I didn’t expect there to be someone else seeking solitude besides myself.”

“…”

There was no reply, but he walked past Helena with steady steps and sat on the bench behind her. Helena only followed him with her eyes without moving from her spot.

Seeing her still very stiff appearance, Walter opened his mouth again with a gentle smile.

“You can dismiss this as the nonsense of a passerby if you’d like, but I’ve found that it’s okay to lose your way for a moment in life. It’s not bad to stop when things get overwhelming.”

His attitude was infinitely polite. Had his sincerity gotten through? Finally, Helena relaxed her guard and lowered her tightly drawn shoulders.

Walter raised his gaze to the cloudless high sky. After taking in the clear colors, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. And as he exhaled, he said:

“Sit down for a moment and take a deep breath. Let’s rest for a bit.”

His voice, neither low nor high, gave a comfortable resonance.

If the earth hardened after rain had a voice, wouldn’t it be like this? Thinking so, Helena gathered her dress skirt and carefully sat down beside him.

For several minutes, only the sound of wind brushing dry branches passed by. The only addition was their gentle breathing occasionally mixing in between.

After a few more minutes passed like that, Helena, now completely relaxed, adjusted her posture comfortably.

When the white breath that escaped through her red lips dissipated into the air, Walter asked quietly:

“If it’s not too presumptuous, may I ask what made the young lady linger outside the wedding hall?”

At that, Helena looked at Walter with her eyes wide open like a startled rabbit.

It seemed to have been presumptuous after all. Her small exposed ears turned bright red as if caught in an embarrassing situation.

“Well…”

Helena bowed her head deeply and fixed her gaze on her sparkling shoes while biting her lip. Her carefully painted lips quivered several times as if about to answer.

She spilled her inner thoughts just as Walter was about to say she didn’t have to force out words if it made her uncomfortable.

“I… I feel anxious because I think I’m receiving love beyond what I deserve.”

“…Is the Grand Duke’s affection burdensome?”

“No, it’s not that… He’s lived a life completely opposite to mine, and everyone around him must be similar to him. I’m afraid I’ll become his only flaw.”

Helena bowed her head deeply again.

Walter silently looked down at her red hair, intricately woven and fixed with jewels shaped like laurel leaves.

Perhaps because it blended with the surrounding scenery, her hair looked just like a brightly blooming flower.

Had there been no one around this timid woman to tell her that she too was such a person?

Walter knew. That Yujin wasn’t someone who could simply be lumped into the category of extraordinary. That’s why he trusted his judgment.

Whether it was work, objects, or human relationships, there was always a reason for the things he became devoted to.

So Walter decided to use the reason the woman unknowingly harbored as a guarantee.

“Well… As someone who lost his wife long ago, I’m afraid I can’t give you a clear solution to resolve that emotion. But I know because I too have received love from someone beyond my worth.”

That all the words he was saying now were entirely based on her.

“He must have decided to marry you because you’re someone worth loving even beyond what you deserve.”

It was a consistently gentle, soothing voice.

Helena looked up at Walter and blinked. This time, pink spread across her cheeks instead of her ears.

Just then, Yujin’s voice calling for her was heard from afar.

Helena quickly stood up. She walked out of the shadow of the spire and into the sunlight like a puppy going to greet its owner. The figure of Yujin dressed in wedding attire appeared at the edge of view.

As soon as she spotted him, Helena gathered her voluminous dress skirts. She prepared to run with quick steps and turned to look at Walter.

“Thank you, Sir Argyle.”

Helena smiled with a rosy blush.

“Thanks to receiving comfort beyond what I deserve, I’ve found the courage to stand by Yujin’s side.”

The sunlight settled on her head like a veil. It was a smile blooming more beautifully than the camellias adorning the space.

Helena greeted Walter before running to Yujin. When he opened his arms wide, she fell completely into his embrace.

Walter watched for a long time as the couple walked towards the wedding hall after sharing a brief kiss.

For some reason, she had been a woman hard to take his eyes off from the beginning.

When he first heard that the once indifferent new Grand Duke was courting her almost daily, he thought it was nonsense. Now he understood a little.

He hoped that woman, soon to become the lady, would continue to receive such pure love as she gave. He wished she would keep smiling like a flower like that.

That was Walter’s first impression of Helena.

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Yes, the lady wasn’t ghost-like from the beginning.

It was only after Helena Owen became Helena Evergale that she gradually changed.

When Walter returned from two years of military service right after the ceremony, much had already changed.

She became much less talkative, her smile disappeared, and she rarely revealed her inner thoughts.

Especially when looking at His Excellency, she sometimes looked like a child trying to hide her disappointment after having high expectations.

And whenever Walter happened to catch such an expression, he would turn his head away.

Because, because…

‘I’m okay. Really okay, Dad. It doesn’t hurt at all… Don’t cry.’

The face of his daughter holding back tears until the very end overlapped in his mind.