Even if Your Regret Holds Me Back - Chapter 19

“As long as ‘only Basil’ is alive. Then what about me?”

“Eugene, I didn’t mean-”

“Then what about you, who wants me to live?”

It was a voice like a stain falling on pristine white sheets. Eugene gritted his molars.

“No matter how much consideration I give you…!”

Helena knew. Eugene loved her. More precisely, he loved ‘only’ her.

He wanted to take only her from the Owen family and cut off the rest. He often showed signs of wishing to never see them again if possible.

But she couldn’t cut them off. However, Eugene loved even this foolish her, so he must have been sending money until now.

If the time spent focusing on Evergail increased while turning a blind eye to that house, he wouldn’t have minded throwing such petty cash as if giving alms.

But today didn’t seem to be the right time.

Whether something had touched a sore spot, all expression disappeared frighteningly from Eugene’s face.

He swallowed the words he couldn’t finish with trembling breaths and spoke in a perfectly unshaken voice.

“Do you know what people are calling you?”

“…”

“They say you’re a parasite clinging to Evergail. I can’t understand why you have to hear such things while bearing Evergail’s name.”

Helena’s face turned pale at Eugene’s harshly spilled words.

To think it had reached even his ears. Though it was words that had pierced her heart dozens of times already, hearing it from Eugene’s mouth was by far the most painful.

Helena rolled her eyes anxiously and opened her mouth stutteringly.

“I’m sorry. But Basil-”

“Basil this, Basil that. Aren’t you tired of it?”

“Eugene…!”

“I’d rather you had nothing tying you to that house!”

Rumble, crash!

Fierce lightning and thunder struck simultaneously with Eugene’s roar. As if it had cut off her breath, Helena momentarily stopped breathing.

Now even her fingertips were so pale she didn’t look like a living person. Moisture slowly began to pool in her large eyes.

“What did you just say… H-how could you? Knowing what Basil means to me, how could you say such a thing…!”

“And do you know what you mean to me? It’s harder for me to see you being talked about like that by people!”

Eugene let go of Helena’s arm and snatched the picture. Helena let out a short scream, but his thunderous voice came first.

“You are the mistress of Evergail. Not some woman from the streets who was pointed at in Hyer!”

Rip, tear, rip.

Helena’s wide-open eyes grew even larger, and the teardrops that had finally welled up fell in large drops.

Outside, thunder that shook the ground was rumbling, yet why did this small sound of paper tearing hurt her ears so much?

“Stop, please, stop, stop it…!”

Helena clung to Eugene, scattering tears. The haphazardly torn pieces fell to the floor one by one, and Helena collapsed onto them as well.

She frantically gathered the pieces. Following her repetitive motions, long nail marks were left on the soft carpet. Just like her heart that had been butchered now.

Eugene stood in front of her, watching her actions before turning away.

Stopping a few steps later in front of the door, he turned his head and spoke while looking at her from the corner of his eye.

“Forget everything else. Just remember that, Helena.”

Thud, the door closed and Eugene left the room.

Lightning struck a few more times. Helena couldn’t tell if the unceasing vibration was from the thunder or her own crying.

After that day, Eugene and Helena didn’t exchange words. It was only on the evening of the fifth day at the dinner table that the ice finally broke.

Eugene spoke first.

“…The trade business suffered heavy losses because ships sank due to bad weather. I was on edge and seems I took it out on you unnecessarily. I’m sorry.”

“…”

Helena remained silent. She just quietly mashed potatoes with her fork, eyes lowered to her plate.

Eugene seemed to study her expression before filling the silence with his voice again.

“I sent additional money yesterday just in case. But next time something like this happens, just tell me, don’t try to solve it alone. I can do this much at least.”

“…Thank you.”

Only then did Helena slowly move her lips. Her voice after five days was calmer than expected.

Eugene resumed moving his knife back and forth, which had stopped midway through the roasted lamb.

“Still, it would be best to refrain from setting foot in Hyer for the time being. At least until the rumors die down. I understand how you feel, Helena.”

“I know what you mean. I was shortsighted. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so stubbornly insistent. I’ll be careful.”

Eugene’s brow unfurrowed at the smoothly flowing answer. He continued cutting as he admonished.

“I heard there’s a celebration for the princess’s birth at the royal palace next week. Stay at the townhouse and focus on social activities. It may be difficult to adjust right away, but you need to gradually expand your position to make things less difficult later. I don’t know when I’ll have to leave again.”

“I’ll do that.”

“I’ll also tell Mother to stop prying into your affairs.”

“Thank you for thinking of me.”

Helena’s gaze remained fixed on the mashed potatoes. Her mechanical replies had no inflection, sounding like a broken toy.

Then a few minutes later. Slowly gripping her knife, she opened her lips again.

“But you know, Eugene. No matter how pathetic, even if I’m called a parasite. I can’t cut ties.”

Eugene’s knife-cutting sound stopped at the low voice. A sharp gaze was felt, but Helena didn’t look at him.

Basil was in the Owen family. Her only blood relative was there.

So to save that red-haired child who resembled her. She couldn’t let go.

“When everything I could hold onto was cut off,”

Without glancing at Eugene until the end, Helena put down her fork. Instead, her hand gripping the knife tightened.

“It’s the only thing left to me.”

.

.

.

And today, Helena finally sneered at her past selves.

To think all that was left after enduring and protecting so desperately was just this tattered picture piece.

Helena clutched Basil’s only trace to her chest as if engraving it on her heart and began to walk, following Ian.

[This is the timeline separator]

People here, people there.

The daytime streets were crowded. Dion stopped in the middle of it all.

‘My lord?’

He couldn’t be sure because there were so many people, but he thought he saw Ian for a moment.

He pushed through the crowd frantically. Behind him, the knights Ian had carelessly left behind followed with light footsteps.

“What, did I see wrong?”

Even after entering the main street, Ian was nowhere to be seen, as if it had been a mistake. Chasing after traces he had already lost only made him feel more rueful about his predicament.

He gradually slowed his pace and trudged along. The knights also stopped running. Dion’s gaze turned to them briefly.

Instead of the elite unit shining in silver armor, he saw five shabby brothers no different from himself.

They must have been objects of envy in their own right at the imperial palace. How did they end up like dogs chasing chickens by getting on the wrong train, he felt pity for them.

On such a nice day, watching lovebirds engaging in affectionate acts in a gloomy alley.

‘Passionate even in broad daylight. Good times.’

For some reason, Dion felt embarrassed and turned his head away. Whether lovers were pressing their lips together or rubbing against each other, now was not the time to leisurely watch.

He unfolded the map he had purchased at a shop to determine the next search route. Of course, it wasn’t easy to check the way in the middle of a crowd.

“Ah, I’m sorry.”

Despite being careful, he ended up bumping into a passerby due to being distracted. While hurriedly apologizing, one of the knights left the group.

Dion shouted in alarm.

“Sakin! I told you no solo actions! And that’s the right side! Do you want to go back the way we came?”

At Dion’s shout, the man with blue hair tied up quickly put on the brakes. He stood in front of a signpost tilting his head.

Then, as if he finally understood, he hit his palm with his fist once and turned left. Indeed, it was the wrong direction.

Dion squeezed his eyes shut as if he couldn’t bear to watch anymore.

How could he have been counted among the elite unit when he couldn’t even distinguish left from right? Was it intuition? Was his swordsmanship amazing? Was his stamina outstanding?

Dion stopped thinking further. It would only give him a headache. He vented his anger at another blond knight who was chuckling beside him for some reason.

“What are you doing, Eli! Hurry up and catch him!”

His lord was clearly trying to shorten his lifespan.

[This is the timeline separator]

Ian led Helena to the opposite side of the main street. The shouting male voice gradually faded away.

An aide who only chattered during the time he should be with Helena… was unnecessary. A hint of guilt briefly delayed his thoughts, but the conclusion was the same anyway.

‘Fortunately, it seems Sakin is unintentionally buying time well.’

He hoped he would continue just as he had been doing so far. It wasn’t his fault that he was a hopeless fool with directions.

Satisfied after leaving the main street, Ian stopped while looking for an inn a bit farther from the center. His side felt empty.

“Helen?”

He immediately turned around to see Helena standing still. She had been staring intently at the picture in both hands, but now raised her head with a troubled expression.

“Is there a problem?”

As Ian approached and asked, Helena put the picture in her bag and spoke.

“Let me ask one thing.”

“Several are fine too.”

“Were you sent by Eugene?”

“…”

Despite his assurance of money, Ian was at a loss for words. He not only couldn’t find an immediate answer, but in fact, there was a bigger reason.

Hearing that man’s name in Helena’s voice felt strange. So strange that he didn’t want to hear it again.

As Helena was about to speak again in the prolonged silence, Ian asked back.

“Who is Eugene?”

“…You seem to know.”

“I don’t know, though.”

“Then why do you dislike him so much?”

“I’ve never disliked him.”

“You just frowned when I only mentioned his name.”

“That’s because the sunlight was too bright.”

Though he tried to make excuses, he couldn’t avoid the suspicious gaze. The street behind the shop where they were standing was in the shade.

“…Or you were too dazzling. So stop staring at me like that.”

Male lead is a Destined Young Husband (Female-dominant)

One-sentence summary: Wife-master, listen to my explanation!

Li Ruantang, a young lady from a prestigious family, stumbled and fell. When she woke up, she saw a noble and beautiful young man sitting by her bedside, wiping away tears.

The young master had slightly reddened eyes, and his every move exuded charm.

The sight made Li Ruantang’s eyes hot and her heart flutter. After all, she had made a bet with the young master Meng from the neighboring family. If she couldn’t marry a husband before the end of the year, she would have to admit defeat and give up the jade she had worked so hard to obtain.

Outside the window, the flowers were in full bloom.

Rather than losing the bet, the jade, and her face, Li Ruantang calculated that it would be better to seek marriage with the young master in front of her, killing three birds with one stone.

…

Meng Jun never thought that an accident during a spring outing would lead to them rolling down a cliff and into a river, yet still survive.

Now they were trapped in an unknown village, and Meng Jun had overheard that the family who had rescued them had their own intentions.

After all, it was Li Ruantang who had lost her mind and sought marriage first. He was only trying to protect himself!

Glancing at Li Ruantang, who was listing her own merits, the young husband’s voice softened, and he blushed as he lied, “W-wife-master, Wife-master, don’t you remember me?”

The young husband’s voice was clear and handsome, coaxing Li Ruantang’s heart to be soft and sweet, and she spared no effort to protect him.

It wasn’t until they returned to the capital that Li Ruantang suddenly remembered.

When they had fallen off the cliff, in order not to implicate Wei Yunruo, whom he secretly admired, the young husband had instead pulled her, who was slightly farther away, down the cliff with him…

Short summary by Yuushi L: Initially, the male lead (ML) liked another girl, while the female lead (FL) liked the ML. Both fell off a cliff. The FL temporarily lost her memory, and the ML, fearing others might take advantage of him, claimed FL was his wife while they were staying in a village. Later, when they returned home, the FL regained her memories and remembered that the ML liked someone else, so she kept her distance from him. However, during their time living together in the countryside, the ML’s view of the FL had completely changed. From this point, his pursuit of the FL begins.

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