Even if Your Regret Holds Me Back - Chapter 15

Contrary to her desire to keep her distance from him as much as possible, she was now cornered. Not even a single step back was possible.

Behind her was a blocked door, in front was the man blocking that door.

A small resolution hardened. She didn’t like using weaknesses, but there was no choice.

Helena slowly reached out her hand. She carefully brushed aside the silver hair that had fallen over Ian’s forehead and placed her hand on his exposed cheek.

He did not brush away her hand. Growing a bit more courageous, Helena stroked his cold skin with her thumb, just as he had done.

After rubbing his cheek a couple of times, he slowly closed and opened his eyes. Their gazes met at close range.

How long has it been since I saw myself through someone else’s eyes?

“Is that how you normally look at people, or are your eyes naturally like that?”

“…What do you mean?”

Helena slid her hand down to his nape. The well-defined muscles beneath her palm flinched.

She ignored the subtle trembling and pulled him closer. With just a little force, he was easily drawn in.

Helena tilted her head slightly and asked.

“Do you know me?”

And then she continued in a whisper.

“Because I don’t know you.”

At that moment, the breath that had been moistening her cheek disappeared. Ian held his breath for a moment.

Once again, cracks appeared on his face. A face filled with emotions she had repeatedly turned away from.

This time, instead of avoiding it, Helena pulled him even closer. He looked slightly dazed.

‘He didn’t seem like a man who would be flustered by such skinship. Is this an act too?’

Either way, this was her only chance.

Helena raised her knee with all her might. She was determined to leave this place, even if she had to use force.

“I let my guard down. I should have remembered that you’re still as bewitching as ever, then and now.”

Until the knee she had raised with such force suddenly stopped midway.

“Let go of this.”

“Your stubbornness remains the same as well. I should have prepared a cat trap.”

“I said, let go.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

Ian, who had grabbed the upper part of her knee with the hand not bracing against the door, applied steady pressure.

As if that wasn’t enough, he pushed his thick thigh between Helena’s legs, completely controlling her movements. Their bodies pressed even closer together.

“A storm is coming soon. All the other inns have already closed their doors.”

His languid voice brushed against her earlobe. Helena tried with all her might, but she couldn’t break free from his embrace.

No matter how hard she pushed, his solid chest didn’t even seem to budge. It felt like facing a large rock rather than a person.

It was hard to believe this was the same man who had been so easily pulled in by her touch just moments ago.

Meanwhile, Ian remained unfazed by Helena’s various efforts. He naturally felt her forehead, and his expression only grew more stern.

“Your fever hasn’t gone down yet. If you go out like this, you’ll collapse again.”

Helena inwardly scoffed.

What was the point of pretending to be concerned? In the end, he just wanted her to do as he said. The irritation she had tried to suppress was slowly rising.

She didn’t like the situation where he seemed to see through her completely. She was not some stray cat that needed to be tamed.

Now, the only shield she had left was her sharp attitude.

“That’s perfect. I can continue what I couldn’t finish earlier because someone interfered.”

Helena glared at him as fiercely as she could. Surely there must be a limit to playing the saint when faced with such repulsive words.

Though she felt quite pathetic herself, even this was not enough against him. Ian broke through her defenses far too easily.

“That’s unfortunate. Because someone will interfere again to prevent you from dying now, just like earlier.”

Ian stepped back a little.

Helena’s brief relief at the new influx of air was short-lived.

There was a creaking sound of something twisting from below.

When Ian withdrew his clenched right hand, a pitifully crumpled golden mass was revealed. It was the door handle, which had been intact until just moments ago.

A chill ran down Helena’s spine. Something had gone terribly wrong. It felt like she had stepped into an inescapable swamp.

“Now we’re both trapped. With no way out, it’d be best to get some sleep.”

So said the very person who had caused them to be trapped.

Helena tried to protest, but before she could, a large hand wrapped around her waist. He hoisted her onto his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and approached the bed.

Helena shouted to be put down and pounded on his back, but it only hurt her own fists. Ian paid no heed and threw her onto the bed.

“Ugh!”

Helena’s mind went blank for a moment from the impact of the fall. In that time, Ian even took the care to pull up the blanket and cover her.

“What are you trying to do now?”

Helena sat up abruptly as soon as the dizziness subsided and demanded.

He ignored her outburst as if it were natural and flopped down on the floor. Then he fell silent.

Helena stared intently into the darkness. With the shadows of furniture added, she couldn’t see clearly what expression he was making.

Swoosh-.

Right on cue, rain began to pour. The rhythmic sound of water filled the gap.

The window frame creaked occasionally in the strong wind. Silence continued for a while.

Helena had no choice but to burrow into the blanket. She curled up into a ball and waited for a few more dry thunderclaps to pass.

This time there was a creaking sound from the wooden floorboards. It seemed he had turned onto his side.

Helena also lay on her side facing the window. The two of them closed their eyes with their backs to each other.

In the damp room, Ian quietly announced the end of the day in a low voice.

“Good night.”

[This is the timeline separator]

Click. Click.

Natasha sat on the bed, repeatedly opening and closing a silver dagger. The surface, decorated with embossed skulls and grim reaper figures, shimmered faintly in the moonlight.

It was too cruel a purpose for such delicate fingers to hold, and it had been gifted with an even more cruel meaning, but Natasha had gladly accepted it.

There was no reason for a woman in love to refuse a gift from her beloved.

Since then, whenever Natasha had worries, she would rub the dagger as if seeking comfort.

‘This is the first time it’s been like this.’

However, even after nearly an hour of rubbing until her fingerprints were raw, her worries were not easily shaken off.

Natasha released her lip that she had been biting and flicked her thumb. The blade that had risen halfway up, pushed by her thumb, locked back into the sheath.

The click sound seemed to echo particularly loudly in the space devoid of Eugene.

It had been two weeks since he had last sought her out.

‘There’s no way my effect has already worn off.’

Natasha fell into thought, scratching her chin with the blunt end of the handle.

‘Did someone else stimulate him?’

Or perhaps Helena’s absence had an impact. Though they were in this state now, they had been a married couple for 5 years.

Whether the emotions built up over that time were love or hatred, it wasn’t possible to disregard an existence that had formed layers over years in an instant.

‘That’s collapse. That woman… she chose it herself.’

Natasha steeled herself as she imagined Helena, who might be pathetically crumbled by now.

If Eugene had even a shred of lingering feelings, even if he wasn’t aware of it himself, she couldn’t act hastily.

Once a fire has flared up, it won’t easily die down, and the situation would flow smoothly. All she had to do was continue playing the role of a beautiful, obedient doll as she had been.

If there was one thing that slightly bothered her…

‘Given that woman’s personality, I thought she would have endured for at least a few more years.’

Helena’s surrender declaration, faster than expected, was surprising. Compared to the period when she herself had begun to captivate Eugene, Helena seemed to show signs of folding her cards early on.

‘Or is she resolute enough to know it’s useless anyway?’

That couldn’t be.

At least the Helena that Natasha understood was a person with outstanding stubborn persistence.

She thought Helena wouldn’t easily give up unless she experienced it herself. Unless she stayed in place until she saw the very end.

‘Anyway, it’s better than being late, so I should start moving soon. I need to get the key first to feel at ease.’

Natasha cut off her thoughts as if slicing them and put the dagger down on the bedside table. When she raised her head, she could see the full moon shining brightly through the window.

Natasha muttered as if making a wish, her gaze fixed on the hazy light.

“Come soon, Your Grace. We have so much to do.”

[This is the timeline separator]

The light was extremely bright. Helena fumbled around for something to block it, when she suddenly recalled last night’s events.

‘That man…’

She slowly raised her upper body to lean against the bed’s headboard and looked down. He was lying on the floor in the same position as when he had fallen asleep.

She turned her head again. Due to the folded curtains, fresh sunlight poured directly onto the window sill.

‘…I really didn’t die.’

The weather was bright as if last night’s storm had been a dream. Helena left the bed and opened the window.

The fragrant smell of freshly baked bread wafted in first. Then she heard the sound of cart wheels carrying loads of dried fruit.

She could see people diligently moving about from early morning, gradually filling the streets. The scent of life emanated from everywhere.

Everything felt strange. All that should have ended yesterday had not ended.

Today had inevitably come. She had somehow lived. It felt like peeking at the behind-the-scenes content of a story that had already concluded.

Even the act of breathing felt alien. The air after the rain had cleared was so purely refreshing that it made it even more so.

Helena leaned forward with her hands on the window frame. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

The warm yellow afterimage of sunlight danced before her eyes, and a gentle breeze tickled her face along with her hair.

The bustle of ordinary people’s ordinary daily lives sounded like background music.

‘I wonder what mood everyone wakes up to every morning.’

What kind of feeling should one have to want to live through a day?

How can they endure so ordinarily for a week, a month, a year, a lifetime?

‘I still don’t know.’

Her musings scattered with the cold air that suddenly blew in. As it was entering early autumn, the wind was somewhat chilly.

Just as Helena opened her eyes and thought she should close the window, she sensed a presence behind her.

“Even though it’s the second floor, I don’t think you’d be fine if you jumped out.”

His voice was a bit hoarse. He must have just woken up, as traces of sleepiness could be heard.

However, that dry languor couldn’t mask the warning tone embedded in his sentence.

Helena remained with her back turned. Soon, the sound of two footsteps approaching her echoed.