Even if Your Regret Holds Me Back - Chapter 10
Rumble-.
Dark clouds filled the sky without gaps, as if a heavy rain was about to pour down. Even the mighty Evergale could not escape the sky.
However, unlike the gloomy exterior, the mansion was as bright as day. Inside, the servants were busily moving about with their respective tasks. Eugene was also immersed in his work, holed up in his office.
His eyes did not leave the documents even as a maid quietly entered to set down some tea.
However, the hot steam rising from the teacup momentarily disrupted his concentration.
“Why should I be anxious… Hah.”
Eugene finally put down the pen he had been holding and picked up the teacup instead. His initials were engraved on the intricately crafted pure gold handle decoration.
It was something he had received about half a year after meeting Helena.
His name, which she had said she had carefully engraved one character at a time, suppressing her heart that felt like it would burst.
Her face, beaming as she gave this to him, was now blurry.
‘Let’s divorce, us.’
Only her calm voice kept echoing in his mind.
Eugene leaned back in his chair, setting down the cup. He couldn’t even begin to grasp where and when things had gone wrong.
It had already been a week since Helena left, and he had thrown himself into work as if nothing had happened.
It had been a week since Helena had slowly eroded his trust.
Just then, as if the door hadn’t closed completely, small voices could be heard from outside. It was a conversation between the maids who had just set down the tea.
“Will there be no need to make desserts for a while?”
“I suppose not, right? Since the madam isn’t here. The Grand Duke doesn’t really like sweet things.”
“That’s a shame, I always liked that we got to eat the leftovers.”
“Tsk, how thoughtless. I hope the madam returns quickly, even if I can’t eat any.”
“Who said I didn’t want that?”
The slightly offended maid poked her colleague’s side. As her colleague pretended to rub her side in pain, she looked around cautiously before continuing.
“But where did she suddenly go on a trip? And alone at that. Did she need some kind of mood change?”
“How would I know? Stop with the pointless chatter and go receive the ingredients at the back door.”
With that slightly complaining rebuke, the voices gradually faded away.
Eugene gazed at the cooling teacup, lost in thought.
‘Helena… liked desserts?’
When they were alone, she would only drink tea with a light aroma, and never asked for any snacks to be brought.
He had thought she avoided sweet things. Was she just accommodating him? So as not to disturb his nerves with the sound of chewing cookies or strong aromas.
“When I was young, I never imagined this position would be one where I couldn’t freely eat even one thing I liked.”
At the time, Helena had said it like a joke, but her face seemed hollow.
He recalled how she had occasionally shown such an expression from some point on. These were scenes he’d rather not remember now.
He needed to calm his troubled mind. Eugene stood up, intending to take a walk.
As he left the room and headed towards the landing, he heard other voices from the stairs below. It was the maids carrying laundry.
One maid carefully unfolded a greenish-brown satin dress.
“Don’t you think this would suit the madam well? She liked this style, didn’t she? Though she didn’t wear it often, saying it shouldn’t detract from Evergale’s dignity. So I was wondering, how would it look if I wore it?”
“Wake up from your dream. It suits the madam because she’s the madam. If we wore it, we’d just look like fallen leaves.”
“True, the madam would look beautiful even in rags.”
Eugene’s eyes followed the dress as the maid put it back in the basket.
A plain dress with barely any decoration except for some puffed pleats at the waist and sleeves.
Eugene had always given her lavish gifts, as most noble women were wont to have, and to allow Helena to maintain her dignity as the Grand Duchess.
Helena had always received them gladly and filled her wardrobe accordingly. So he had thought her tastes were no different from other women’s. Before marriage, she must have only worn simple dresses due to financial constraints.
‘It can’t be my misjudgment.’
His mind became even more complicated. Eugene quickened his pace towards the garden.
Fortunately, the greenery bathed in the midday sun wasn’t a bad choice. As he walked through it, the confusion seemed to subside a little.
Then he stopped in front of a yellow flower bed situated in a corner of the garden. It wasn’t a particularly large flower bed. Nor were the flowers especially rare or extraordinary.
Normally, he would have avoided coming near due to disliking the pollen, but strangely, his gaze kept being drawn to it.
“Hey there.”
“Ah, you’ve come.”
Just then, the voices of two men in conversation drifted from a few steps away. It was the gardener trimming branches and a stable hand passing by. Eugene pressed himself behind a bush.
After their trivial personal chat ended, the stable hand sniffed and pointed at the flower bed.
“Hmm, how come these flowers are bigger than the ones you’re trimming? They seem to smell better too.”
“Oh, come on. Don’t compare those. That’s the flower bed the madam tended. She put so much care into growing them. Even the speechless plants must know it.”
“Ah, this is what the madam grew? Well, no wonder it’s so pretty. If even a blade of grass receives so much love, how happy must the Grand Duke be.”
As the two men finished their conversation and left, Eugene approached the flower bed as if entranced.
‘Helena… tended to this.’
The woman he knew extremely disliked flowers.
She had reluctantly accepted the bouquet he gave as a gift before marriage, but even then, she repeatedly asked him not to bring them.
After coming to the mansion, she never put flowers in vases. She removed all the vases from their tea time spots and even from her room.
This flower bed was what remained of Helena after she had cut away and cut away at herself.
A small space barely the size of the desk in his office.
Eugene, feeling rather displeased by this, hastily left the garden. It seemed better to bury himself in mountains of paperwork than to indulge in such leisure.
However, traces of Helena were everywhere. She was in every place his feet touched.
Even at the training grounds he briefly stopped by on his way back to the office, she wouldn’t let him go.
Some knights resting while maintaining their swords expressed regret.
“When will the madam return? Sparring with her was our only joy.”
“That’s right. It feels so empty these days.”
“Yeah, even when we practice, it doesn’t feel like we’ve accomplished anything.”
Eugene’s pupils dilated greatly.
Even if Helena’s tastes or the flower bed were his misconception, this, this…
The feeling of facing so many facts in just half a day didn’t seem like it would ever become familiar.
No, was there even any truth among them to begin with?
He immediately interjected among the knights.
“What do you mean by that? Helen spars?”
“Y-Your Grace!”
The knights were startled and all stood up at once. Eugene urged them on with an angry look. Finally, one knight stuttered out the truth.
“W-Well… She has been our sparring partner for quite some time. We couldn’t believe it at first either, but she had the skill to easily subdue a new knight.”
“So you’re saying Helen held a sword.”
“Yes. The madam-”
“Enough.”
Eugene’s brow furrowed noticeably.
Helena’s husband is Eugene Evergale. The person she loves is also him.
Why did others seem to know her better than he did, why were there so many aspects of her that only he didn’t know?
‘Who exactly is the you that I know?’
He was irritated. His mood soured without him realizing it.
‘Why did you hide everything from me all this time?’
The time he had arrogantly thought would be fine now felt spiteful. Her absence was more than just bothersome. Only after she disappeared did he notice the empty space.
‘If you weren’t going to teach me anything, at least teach me how to forget you.’
[This is the timeline separator]
By the time she got off the last carriage she had changed to, only a few coins remained.
Helena spent most of that money in the marketplace. She exchanged it for flowers that would neither quench her thirst nor fill her stomach.
She walked towards the public cemetery, holding the bouquet to her chest. It was a much larger bunch than what she had paid for. The fragrance of the layered, lush marigolds tickled her nose.
“Do you know what those flowers mean? Happiness that will surely come. Only good things will happen to you from now on, miss.”
Perhaps concerned by her constantly gloomy expression, the flower shop owner smiled good-naturedly and wished her good fortune.
The people here were always kind-hearted. Despite being one of the poorest villages in the North, it had always been so. It was what had helped her endure her childhood.
Preterita, her hometown where she spent her now distant childhood.
As soon as Helena showed signs of becoming a proper lady, the Owen family left the barren Preterita for the larger village of Higher.
‘It was to sell me at the highest price possible. Luckily, I caught Eugene’s eye.’
Helena married the year after settling in Higher. Soon after, she left for Evergale, and while she lived in luxury there, Basil died.
She couldn’t leave her brother alone even in death. Helena reburied him in Preterita. Now, in this land where all those she loved had closed their eyes.
Mary Owen and Basil Owen.
Helena slowly knelt before the two neatly erected tombstones. Gentle sunlight poured over the white marble.
“Mom, Basil. I’m here.”
Of course, there was no answer. However, there was already a clumsy bouquet of wildflowers that looked as if a child had woven it haphazardly, so Helena placed her bouquet next to it.
“Mom, you liked these flowers, didn’t you? You said that just looking at them quietly made you feel like you were buried in a flower bed from the scent alone. I like them too. Your name is in them. Basil probably liked them too. He always said he liked everything I liked.”
It was the same on the day she said she was marrying Eugene because she loved him. Basil sincerely congratulated her, saying he was glad.
Helena quietly stroked the tombstone with Basil’s name engraved on it, as if caressing a memory.
Although all she felt was the cold touch of stone, she hoped that the sleeping Basil could somehow feel her touch.
‘Back then, I thought that protecting Evergale was the way to save you.’
On her last day visiting the Owen household in her first life. Basil’s wheezing breaths still echoed in her ears.
*
Save yourself from story hunger — the novel below will blow your mind!
[su_service title=”Ex-husband Wants Reconciliation (Female-dominant)” icon=”icon: star-o” size=”16″][/su_service]
One-line summary: Chasing the wife to the crematorium (making an effort to attract someone who has become indifferent), the female lead doesn’t look back, the second male lead takes the position.
Intro:
To repay the kindness of the older generation, Su Mu crossed into a female-dominated world and became a live-in daughter-in-law of the Yan family, single-handedly saving the Yan family from fire and water.
But her husband, Yan Jiyue, the eldest son of the Yan family, treated her with sarcasm and never showed her a good face.
It wasn’t until after Su Mu’s death that this pampered and arrogant young master shed a few fake tears and pretended to want to die for love.
This life’s kindness was enough. If there was a next life, she would definitely kick Yan Jiyue away.
Who knew that the heavens would be so kind as to allow her to be reborn, returning to the time when she had just married into the Yan family.
Su Mu glanced at the Yan eldest son, who still spoke coldly to her, and threw a divorce letter in front of him.
“Let’s divorce!”
***
Yan Jiyue never imagined that he would be reborn. He happily went to find Su Mu, wanting to make up for the mistakes he had made in his ignorant youth.
Wasn’t the reason the heavens allowed him to be reborn to let him reconcile with Su Mu?
But when he pushed open the door to Su Mu’s room, the person lying on the bed was another man.
Su Mu’s personal attendant, Xie Yi.
Yan Jiyue hated him so much that his teeth itched. In front of Su Mu, Xie Yi was a gentle and considerate whisperer of sweet nothings, but in reality, he was vicious-hearted and deliberately sabotaged their husband and wife relationship.
In the previous life, it was he who secretly hid in Su Mu’s coffin and committed suicide, stealing a step ahead of him to be buried with Su Mu.
Yan Jiyue’s eyes were filled with hatred as he cursed, “What kind of thing are you? Your background is lowly, what right do you have to occupy Su Mu?”
Xie Yi looked at the sleeping Su Mu and no longer pretended to be a whisperer of sweet nothings.
He proudly stuck out his belly, “I have the right because my belly is capable of giving the Wife-master a daughter.”
***
Yan Jiyue was consumed with jealousy. He spread rumors that Xie Yi had once been branded with the mark of a “harlot” on his chest.
But on the night Xie Yi cut off the flesh bearing that mark, Su Mu suddenly realized something was amiss.
“How did you know the exact moment I was poisoned? And why did you show up a month early?”
Xie Yi remained silent, blood from his wound soaking through his robes. His sapphire eyes brimmed with anguish – or was it just a flawless act?
Between a once-arrogant husband now seeking redemption, and a gentle soul willing to die for her – who truly held the darkest secrets? And could it be that Su Mu and Yan Jiyue weren’t the only ones given a second chance at life…?
[Reading Guide]
1. True divorce, chasing the wife to the crematorium, the female lead doesn’t look back, the male lead is Xie Yi.
2. The ex-husband did not cheat, he just realized too late and didn’t realize that he liked the female lead.
_____
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