Even if Your Regret Holds Me Back (Completed Main Story) - Chapter 1
“Are you Helena Owen?”
Perhaps it had started then.
The moment God began to utterly abandon her.
Helena, who had risen from a wandering witch on the roadside to a noble Grand Duchess, thought so.
“It’s strange—whenever I’m near you, my heart feels at ease. The more I think of you, the more I long for you. I wish you felt the same way about me.”
Eugene Hyde von Evergale.
The master of the very land upon which every villager who once cursed her now stood—
From the instant she met the Grand Duke of Evergale, all her blessings and tragedies were born.
‘Now, it’s all just old history.’
But that realization no longer mattered.
Helena should have understood time sooner. Before its power, which faded everything, both blessings and tragedies grew ever more distant, like a swamp swallowed by mist.
Her memories blurred and faded as a deep, resonant drumbeat echoed—boom, boom, boom—announcing the world’s end.
“The execution of Helena Evergale shall now commence.”
At last, once again, the executioner’s proclamation fell.
As concise and unembellished as her fall itself. No lengthy words were needed to reduce her from a noble Grand Duchess to a falsely accused, despicable condemned prisoner.
Helena crawled forward like an empty tin can, kicked along by the executioner. Her swollen eyes made it hard to see, and moving was a struggle.
She could barely feel the throbbing pain in her wrists, raw from the coarse rope. Her broken leg, left neglected for days, had long lost all sensation.
Bone-deep cold gripped and twisted within her. She tried to reflect on the past but soon gave up.
As she bowed her head low, a dark shadow loomed overhead.
“Helena.”
Her name, spoken in that pleasing, low resonance just as when they’d first met.
His voice, always tinged with a lilting inflection, carried an air of quiet sensuality.
Though others might call it cold and distant, to Helena, it was simply one among many reasons she’d fallen in love with him.
Yet—
Had she known that very voice would now choke the breath from her like poison, would she have loved you?
‘No, I couldn’t have.’
That must be why it had come to this again. Helena lifted her head with gritted determination and looked up at Eugene.
“You’re the worst of all.”
She forced herself to meet those eyes—now utterly devoid of warmth.
“If you were going to abandon me like this, you shouldn’t have approached me in the first place.”
She’d wanted to stay calm until the end, but her lips trembled uncontrollably, shaken further by the effort to hold back tears.
Heartbreak piled upon heartbreak until resentment surged hot within her.
“You shouldn’t have given me affection! You shouldn’t have held me warmly! You shouldn’t have said you loved me—if you couldn’t follow through to the end!”
At last, her pent-up emotion exploded in something close to a scream. It rose and rose—only to crumble helplessly.
“You shouldn’t have reached out to me… to me…”
Her voice, hoarse and exhausted, faded like embers after a fire.
The crowd’s jeers and condemnation hurt less than the icy look in his eyes—precisely because they hadn’t always been that way.
“If I’d known my life was destined to be this wretched from the start, I would’ve resigned myself to it. Why give someone hope only to shove them into the gutter and make them even more miserable? Was it truly so entertaining—to watch me hang on your every word?”
“Do you really think you have the right to be angry with me now?”
“But you said you loved me! You promised you’d stay with me forever! After making that promise… am I still so insignificant to you?”
“It was your own doing, Helen. However unfair your situation, you never should’ve killed Natasha.”
“I didn’t kill her. It’s the truth. Please believe me.”
“…Hah, Helena.”
Eugene let out a rough sigh, struggling to suppress his anger, and rubbed his face wearily.
Helena wished she could go deaf—anything to avoid hearing what came next.
But bound as she was, she couldn’t even cover her ears.
“With your wretched life, atone for stealing Natasha from me.”
Tsk. The sound of his tongue clicking cut cruelly into her chest.
His piercing gaze felt like it was flaying her whole body.
“Eugene, Eugene…! Don’t go! Eugene!”
Despite Helena’s desperate cries, he turned away with a look of disgust, as though she were filth.
His footsteps grew fainter, swallowed by the roaring crowd that had gathered to witness the execution.
Amidst the chaos, the executioner seized Helena’s hair and dragged her onto the scaffold.
Ah… ah… ah…
Only wordless sighs circled in her throat, unable to form proper sentences.
If his love had been her everything—and now that love was gone, with no way back—
‘How am I supposed to live now?’
Her thoughts didn’t last long. Beneath the dawn’s first light, the thick blade glinted.
It struck her neck with a wet slice.
Thud!
Thus, her first life rolled away.
“Hah… hah…!”
After two more lives crumbled, when she opened her eyes for the fourth time—
Helena finally understood.
It was time to truly end her love with him.
[This is the timeline separator]Once, Helena had been clever enough to know her place—a shameless, tenacious witch of the cursed Owen household, willing to discard even noble titles for money. That was who she was.
Without the protection of even a single dress, her natural beauty and body became not a blessing, but a sin. Instinctively, she understood the restraint: selling what little she had would only invite greater ruin.
Thus, knowing all too well, she ended up doing something far beyond her station.
“Please leave now. And I’d appreciate it if you never came looking for me again.”
But Eugene was no pushover who’d accept such an arrogant refusal.
Despite the strange glances and countless objections from those around him, he brought her flowers and jewels every day, promising her eternity.
No matter how she pushed him away, the next day he’d appear with an even larger bouquet—stubbornly persisting even as he coughed violently from his pollen allergy.
Contrary to her expectation that he’d soon give up, his courtship continued—not just a week, not even a month, but stretched into half a year.
Eventually, Helena helplessly gave him her heart. Though she knew it shouldn’t deepen further, the steady drip had already broken through the wall.
The mighty Grand Duke of the North and the fallen Viscount’s daughter—
A mismatched pair, like puzzle pieces forced together.
Thus, the Grand Duke of Evergale’s eventual marriage announcement was nothing short of scandalous. To gossipy tongues, Helena became the perfect appetizer to whet their appetites.
⌜She really knows how to play that pretty face of hers.⌟
⌜Has no shame at all—she made the complete repayment of her family’s debts a marriage condition! Why is the Grand Duke so desperate to keep such a brazen woman by his side?⌟
⌜She’s always had a scandalous reputation. Maybe this time she’s gone and gotten herself pregnant.⌟
Noble or commoner, tongues weighed the same. While whispering politely to her face, behind her back they dragged her into ruin with cheap rumors and gossip.
Yet Helena endured all the persecution.
“Forget it all. No matter what anyone says, you’ll be my wife.”
All because of one simple truth—Eugene loved her.
That fact, so ordinary between lovers, was what kept her alive. He was her reason to live, her savior.
She believed she’d found the kind of fateful meeting reserved for fairy-tale protagonists—a stroke of luck in a life otherwise filled only with misery.
Until Natasha, the beautiful golden-haired woman, appeared.
“I don’t want to take your place, my lady. Let’s be friends, okay?”
Tragically, behind every fairy tale lurked a snake cloaked in cruelty. Those who dared covet what they shouldn’t were punished.
The snake opened its jaws, and Helena realized—she was never the protagonist.
When had it started—Eugene speaking only Natasha’s name, never hers?
Foolishly, by the time she truly understood him, she’d already come too far. Thus, this time, she couldn’t accept the same ending.
‘Even if I must die again, I won’t die by your hand.’
Her life itself paled beside the pain of being discarded by him.
That was the gentlest ending Helena could claim for herself.
[This is the timeline separator]A sunlit indoor garden. The Evergale ducal couple sat across from each other, a finely set tea table between them.
Steam rising from her teacup dampened Helena’s cheek, snapping her out of her daze.
Helena scratched the golden rim of her cup with her fingertip, then lifted her head. Through the large window, she saw Madam Tara, her personal maid—the only person in the estate who knew the truth between her and Eugene.
They say life is comedy viewed from afar, tragedy up close. Yet even from a distance, the conservatory looked utterly grim.
Madam Tara kept her head deeply bowed, showing the bare minimum of courtesy, and fiercely avoided Helena’s gaze. Her very posture made Helena’s situation all the more real.
‘So nothing’s changed this time either.’
This fourth life, following three returns, differed slightly from the others. Previously, she’d always awakened three years into her marriage, at the moment she shared a bed with him. This time, her eyes opened in the fifth year.
At first, she’d felt a flicker of excitement—perhaps a turning point had come. But it was a futile hope.
Truthfully, she’d sensed it vaguely from the very start—waking alone in her private room, not in Eugene’s bed. Since the ending would inevitably be the same, she found it easier to accept it as divine intervention, sparing her further wasted effort.
Helena had steeled her resolve twice over all night to find peace—leading her to sit here now.
To finally put an end to this relationship, in which not a single conversation or shared glance had passed between them.
‘We truly wasted the word “husband and wife,” didn’t we?’
Swallowing a faint sense of emptiness, Helena lifted her teacup to her lips.
Eugene held vast territories in the northern region of the Imperial realm of Instantia. His father, the former Grand Duke, was a renowned hero who’d ended a long-standing territorial war, and Eugene himself had inherited that legacy as an undefeated national hero.
Moreover, the Evergale estate had maintained several massive enterprises since his father’s time. The shipbuilding industry in the Senova Archipelago and the magic-stone mines in the Hecate region were among the Empire’s largest. Eugene had not only preserved but strengthened these ventures, proving himself a shrewd and capable businessman.
Yet, as with all figures of his stature, he was perpetually busy.
Just this month alone, she could count on one hand the number of times she’d even seen his face, let alone heard his voice.
Hence, despite being so occupied with both public and private affairs—
‘That’s why, even sitting face to face, you never speak first.’
But whether he was the Empire’s hero, the admired Grand Duke of Evergale, or secretly indulged in affairs behind closed doors—
None of it mattered anymore.
Because soon, she and he would become strangers.
When male lead is the homewrecker
“I know she doesn’t love him.”
I’ve read the novel below twice already. Girls, I’m highly recommending it to you!
The female lead? Not a good person.
The second male lead? Not a good person.
The male lead? Willingly plays the third party, breaking up the female and second male lead’s relationship despite all the warnings from his friends—so yeah, he’s definitely not a good person either.
Basically, nobody in this novel is simple-minded or without scheming.
The female lead starts off as the male lead’s secretary, but don’t worry—later on, she takes over the company while the male lead steps back to support her. He won’t steal her spotlight, overshadow her, or dull her shine.
I love novels where men are out here snatching wigs, tearing each other down, and going to war just to win the female lead’s affection. And this is exactly that kind of novel. Most of Hai Dai Ran’s works have this dynamic. You’ll see the male characters’ emotions being pushed to the absolute extreme.
There’s even a scene where the second male lead exposes the male lead online for being a homewrecker. The brotherhood immediately gangs up on him, dragging him through the mud. I find it compelling —it completely flips reality on its head, where usually, women are the ones fighting over a man and getting torn apart by the sisterhood.
For me, female leads in the novels I read should only struggle in their careers, not in love. But if the brainless romantics in the story are all men? I have zero complaints.
I’ve pretty much read all of Hai Dai Ran’s novels and even translated all of them—her works are just my thing. I’ll slowly upload everything here. One day, when my website is official, I hope I can invite her to join as one of the star authors.
Here’s the story synopsis:
One-line summary: She is his lifelong obsession, to the point where he was willing to be a third wheel, scorned by society, just to wedge his way into her relationship with her fiancé.
Cold-hearted and indifferent female lead + Scheming and subservient CEO male lead
Intro 1:
“I know she doesn’t love him.”
With blood trickling from his clenched fist, Rong Xiu gazed at the woman before him, his eyes clouded with anguish. Hidden in the wardrobe, he had witnessed Fan Xia – the woman he desperately loved – in an intimate embrace with her fiancé. Yet his heart still yearned for her, defying all reason.
Fan Xia, the elegant and composed assistant, carried something mysterious in her eyes whenever she looked at her fiancé, Wen Lan Sheng. Strange occurrences began to surface – secret meetings with the young Gu Jin Yi, an unexplained withdrawal of 5,000 yuan… Then suddenly, her fiancé’s sister, Wen Jing, violently attacked her.
In this matriarchal society, Rong Xiu had risen to become the chairman of a powerful healthcare conglomerate, breaking through gender prejudices. But for the first time, he willingly stepped into the shadows as the other man, disregarding his friends’ warnings to become her secret lover.
Because he had discovered the truth – Fan Xia wasn’t the pure angel everyone believed her to be. And perhaps, he was the only one capable of helping her execute her mysterious plan…
Intro 2:
Rong Xiu’s biggest regret in life was missing out on Fan Xia.
He secretly loved Fan Xia for 7 years.
Watched her go public with her boyfriend.
Watched her kiss her boyfriend at their wedding.
Until that man blissfully nestled in Fan Xia’s arms, obtaining everything he could only dream of.
The crazy jealousy stripped away his hidden secret love, layer by layer, burning like wildfire.
Fan Xia, how can I have you!
【Reading and Trigger Warning Guide】
1. Female dominant, male submissive, male pregnancy
2. Male lead schemes his way to the top, male competition
_____
Please help me, I want to bring you the best possible things.
If you find any chapter or novel with poor translation and editing quality, let me know by commenting directly under that novel or chapter. I will retranslate it as soon as possible.
[Touch the gear icon in the bottom right corner of the screen to move to the next chapter if you want.]
Who cares? 😒 That mf deserves a lot of pain 😒😒😡😡
EXACTLY! She’s with someone else …now you aint shit
Me too 😒 she should have kicked his balls and cut them 🤔