Die If I Can't Marry Off My Favorite - Chapter 26

So, when I heard that invitation for the last supper, what I did was.

‘I said yes, of course.’

When your superior asks you to have a meal together, what else can you do? When they say jump, you jump. Especially if it’s my favorite person I need to impress.

But I didn’t expect that a heart-fluttering dinner enjoyed alone with my favorite would turn into such a gloomy atmosphere.

I carefully cut my steak while stealing glances to the side. Then I squeezed my eyes shut.

‘Scary!’

Our lord was still glaring at the table as if it were his mortal enemy. He had been in that state since the meal began.

‘Damn it! I should have just refused and gone to the after-party!’

The steak, accompanied by a streak of tears, tasted salty and bitter. It’s truly lamentable that I finally got to taste a lamb steak made with utmost care by the royal castle’s best chef.

‘This can’t go on.’

I can’t end my first meal with As in this atmosphere.

I pondered over what happened today. Was As in a bad mood from the moment he arrived at the breeding grounds?

No, that’s not it. Though his expression had been gloomy all day, his attitude was no different from usual. The atmosphere was even good on the way to Kronen Castle.

‘He was even kind enough to take an interest in my relationships.’

Although his face was terribly fierce, let’s set that aside since it was always like that.

Anyway, my favorite, who is quite generous to his people, asked this at the time:

“You seem to be quite close with those guards.”

He seemed curious after seeing the knights take time out of their precious holiday to come help me. I answered readily.

“Yes! I often see them while walking Sammemmer, and they help me in many ways. We naturally became close.”

“…Then are you close with that one too? The one who invited you to dinner.”

“Sir Jerome? Yes. He often comes to the breeding grounds with the other knights.”

“Perhaps that bastard is dating…”

At that moment, a strong wind blew and devoured all of As’ words. I fixed my disheveled clothes and apologized.

“Oh my, I’m sorry, my lord. I couldn’t hear because of the wind. What did you say?”

“…It’s nothing.”

After that, there was a brief silence, but the atmosphere was fine up to this point.

Ah, come to think of it, As said something strange after that.

“Don’t get too close to those guards if possible.”

“Gasp, have I perhaps been interfering with the knights’ work?”

“No… Anyway, don’t do it if I tell you not to.”

“…?”

I was very perplexed that he was suddenly trying to end my friendship with the knights. Moreover, there was no valid reason!

I mumbled and protested quietly.

“But I like the knights… To suddenly say this…”

“What’s so good about those mashed potato guys?”

As suddenly burst out in irritation. I gaped.

My goodness, mashed potatoes!

Mashed potatoes were one of the foods As disliked. Yet he compared the royal guards, whom he should have assembled with his most trusted knights, to that?

I carefully asked.

“Perhaps, did the guards secretly eat the lord’s meals in a group or… something like that?”

“What nonsense are you suddenly spouting?”

“Well, I was wondering if the guards had done something terribly wrong. You seem to be angry with them right now…”

Then As’ face hardened menacingly. And after that, he didn’t open his mouth even once.

‘So that’s how this suffocating situation came to be…’

Hmm, thinking back on it, I get it. I was wrong.

Of course he’d be in a bad mood after I suddenly turned his royal guards into criminals.

I quietly put down the utensils I was holding. As looks at me.

I immediately bowed my head as soon as our eyes met.

“I’m sorry, my lord!”

“What?”

As furrowed his brow.

“What have you been saying you did wrong? Don’t bow your head.”

“I think I said something very rude earlier…”

“…”

“You’re angry… right?”

As I timidly looked up, As had a very troubled expression on his face for some reason.

He rubbed his brow and then blurted out.

“I’m not angry.”

“Then.”

“I was thinking that it might be better not to keep you in my sight for a while.”

“…Pardon?”

For a moment I thought I had misheard. But it wasn’t an auditory hallucination. He clearly just said he didn’t want to see me.

I jumped up from my seat.

“What?!”

My head rang. Why so suddenly? Does he mean he’s so angry that he can’t stand the sight of me?

‘No. If I’m driven out like this, you’ll be single forever and I’ll die!’

First, let’s apologize no matter what. I bowed my head deeply.

“You’re angry because I suddenly turned your royal guards into criminals, right? I’m sorry…”

“I told you not to bow your head! That’s why. Because you go around chattering everywhere and making a fuss. It’s annoying!”

As slammed the table and showed his anger. Then his eyes widened. I also blankly looked up at As.

After a moment of silence, As covered his forehead with one hand and muttered irritably.

“Damn it, you always make me impulsive.”

As bit his lip. Then he tried to get up and leave his seat, but.

He couldn’t because I reached out and grabbed the hem of his clothes.

I smiled awkwardly as I felt his gaze on me.

To be honest, I’m still not sure exactly what kind of anguish As is going through, or why.

But I can’t just let him go when he has such a self-loathing expression. I swallowed hard once and opened my mouth.

“Sometimes you should go where your heart leads you and act on impulse.”

“…”

“Don’t you think… it’s okay to do that sometimes?”

Having read As’ life through , I know why he’s wary of giving in to impulses.

Aspeiran Roakin was a ruler who ascended to the throne after overthrowing a tyrant who ruined the country to fulfill his own desires.

He never forgot the day he beheaded his uncle with his own hands. And he always reminded himself.

A ruler must always be calm. Must be rational. Every action must have a proper reason and purpose, and one must not seek personal gain.

This is the path of the ruler that I must pursue.

When reading , I thought such an As was cool. But on the other hand, I was worried.

A life of constantly restraining and tightening oneself. Would that really be happy?

Wouldn’t it be too painful and burdensome sometimes?

So if possible, I wanted to say something like this at least once.

“You’re human too, my lord.”

So, it’s okay to do what you want sometimes.

After hearing my courageous comfort, As said nothing. The corners of his mouth tremble slightly.

After a long while, he frowned and said.

“I’ve heard many people call me a good ruler. But this is the first time I’ve heard words like that.”

I suppose so. People don’t want their heroes to be human. That’s why this was something only I, who came from the outside, could say.

Hoping that my words could ease his obsession even a little, I chuckled.

“Of course you’re a good ruler, my lord.”

A faint smile hung on As’ lips as well. He gently removed my hand that was still holding onto the hem of his clothes and sat back down.

Then As showed a rare hesitation for him. Finally, he opened his mouth.

“Don’t regret what you said today later.”

I said what I’ve been wanting to say all this time, so what’s there to regret? If anything, I feel relieved.

I answered with a joke mixed in.

“Yes! Oh, before that, I’ll be careful with my behavior from now on so that you don’t impulsively drive me away because you’re too angry, my lord!”

“You really don’t understand what I meant by saying that.”

I heard his deflated laughter above my head. I blinked my eyes.

Wasn’t it just that you were angry because I was running around like a crazy horse? I thought it had exploded combined with the stress you’ve been under.

As I kept rolling my eyes, As smiled lightly once again.

“Alright. Just do as you like. Don’t hold back unnaturally.”

“Oh, then I won’t hesitate.”

I quickly picked up my fork and knife. I was glad the atmosphere had finally softened. We resumed our interrupted meal.

Yes, now I can taste it. It really is heavenly.

I secretly tapped my feet.

“It’s delicious. It feels like I’m having a proper meal for the first time in a while.”

“Was the food they usually serve so bad that you’d say something like that? All the food going to the research institute should be prepared in Kronen Castle’s kitchen?”

“Of course, all the food was incredibly delicious. It’s just that I’ve had to eat alone recently. So it didn’t feel like I was really eating.”

In our house, I mean, in our house when I was Jinoran, we had one promise we all made together. ‘We’ll eat dinner together whenever possible.’

While eating dinner together, our family shared many stories. Happy things, hard things, funny things, sad things… Sometimes even serious discussions.

Having grown up like that all my life, mealtime for me wasn’t simply a time to eat. It was a time of rest for the day and a source of energy to live vigorously tomorrow.

Maybe that’s why I hated eating alone. Even when I ate, it didn’t feel like I had eaten.

“But I’m the only one at the breeding grounds, and the researchers are all busy. So there was no one to ask to eat together.”

“I see.”

“I know it can’t be helped, but it was still a bit lonely.”

I scratched my head sheepishly. I vented enthusiastically, but now that I’ve said it all, it sounds too much like a child’s whining.

I smiled awkwardly at As, who was staring at me intently, and quickly added.

“Well, it’s okay. I’m an adult…”

“Then, why don’t you have meals with me occasionally.”

Clang.

The fork in my hand fell to the floor.

The servant who rushed in at As’ call quickly handed me a new fork. Regardless, I was just staring blankly at As.

The words I finally uttered were also incredibly stupid.

“…Am I dreaming right now?”

“This is reality. Get a hold of yourself.”

His cold words snapped me back to my senses. Could it be, really? Did our As really say he’d eat with me for my sake?

I couldn’t suppress my excitement at all. I put down my fork and clasped my hands earnestly.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Really, really, really?”

“I don’t speak twice with one mouth.”

“My lord…! You are truly thoughtful and kind and gentle and…”

“Enough.”

As stuffed meat into my mouth. Even with my cheeks full of meat, I smiled from ear to ear.

Alright, despite the sudden crisis that befell us, the journey to become my lord’s closest confidant is sailing smoothly.

At this rate, our lord’s marriage is just around the corner.

‘After marrying As off, I’ll spend a happy retirement raising a second generation that looks just like As.’

Just imagining it is thrilling.

The meal was somewhat finished in such grand ambitions and overflowing happiness.

As I watched the servants taking away the empty plates, I suddenly remembered something I wanted to ask As.

I should bring it up now. I leaned towards As.