Didn't Plan to Become a Companion - Chapter 50

I did my best not to sound desperate, but I couldn’t stop my voice from trembling.

“That’s not certain. However… When the Saint appears, Rochester will immediately come under pressure. From the temple’s perspective, the Saint is a being who deserves respect.”

A being who deserves respect. I rolled those unfamiliar words around in my mouth.

“The temple has agreed to some extent with Rochester’s intention to protect you. After all, you’re the one who helped Ricardo’s manifestation. So the High Priest’s attitude is quite surprising to me as well.”

“……”

“But it’s not the first time the gods have been capricious. Whether it’s truly the will of the gods, we can’t know.”

It was a blasphemous statement even in passing, but there was no fear in the Duchess’s eyes. El Li Ade, believed to be the god of the gods worshipped in Dermayer, is believed to be the sky god and the creator god of the Dermayer Empire.

This too was just a distant and vague story that existed only in text to me.

“Then is there really any need for an engagement?”

“No, the fact that the Saint will appear earlier than planned is known only to the temple and Rochester. And you must leave this empire as Rochester’s fiancée. That’s the only way you can save your life even if you fall into the Emperor’s hands.”

The Duchess went on to explain that if the engagement were to be nullified due to the Saint’s early appearance, the Emperor’s order to kill Pennel would immediately be reinstated.

“Thank you for telling me. Then I’ll… be prepared to leave at any time.”

I tried to wrap up the conversation quickly, but the Duchess didn’t simply let me prepare my heart.

“But, Lady Pennel.”

“Yes, please speak.”

Unable to know what expression I was wearing in this suddenly changed situation, I rubbed my cold hands against my cheeks. The bigger reason was wanting to hide my expression.

“Do you perhaps like Ricardo?”

I should immediately say no, but…

“Do you want to stay by his side because of that?”

My innermost feelings, which even I didn’t know, were unearthed, hitting the mark. The Duchess let out a small laugh like a sigh. Along with the words that such feelings couldn’t be hidden even if one wanted to.

“Ah, but don’t worry. I…”

“Lienne, I am not on anyone’s side. I wanted to see you separately to say this.”

At first, I thought I must have misheard. Yet even before I could fully understand the words, a tingling sensation ran from the top of my head down my entire back. It was only after some time that I realized it was a shiver.

“What… do you mean by that?”

Still, I couldn’t help but ask again. Because there was not a single reason for the Duchess to say such things to me.

“I am a selfish person.”

“……”

“So confront it, if you want. To keep your place.”

Nowhere in the Duchess’s resolute attitude was there any sign of playfulness. Before I could come to my senses, incomprehensible words poured down like heavy rain.

“You’ll be under tremendous pressure. If they find out we’ve put the Saint and you on the same level, the temple will side with the imperial family, and then even Rochester will be cornered.”

I couldn’t give any answer and just breathed heavily.

“You might even be branded a witch and burned at the stake.”

At those words, spoken lightly as if a joke, flames burst before my eyes. But the firm voice that followed immediately extinguished the fire that had filled my vision.

“Rochester’s history has always been a series of struggles. I will elevate you, the daughter of Pennel, to the ranks of a Saint as well. If only you wish it.”

The Duchess gripped my shoulders and looked directly into my eyes.

“If you want to have Ricardo, confront it. Fight for it.”

“……”

“Even if it leads to the Duke and I dying, even if it leads to the extinction of our family, we don’t care.”

Whispering that I could fill the void they would leave behind, the Duchess was as beautiful as a water goddess seducing humans.

It was a moment when I truly felt in my whole heart that the most dangerous temptation wears the most beautiful face.

“Why… are you telling me these things?”

I clenched my trembling fingertips tightly in fear.

“Why, you ask? The will of God? I don’t know about such things.”

No matter what anyone said, Rochester was undoubtedly the bloodline most loved by God.

There was no one in this empire who didn’t know that…

“This is a purely selfish decision for my son.”

How could I, by what means could I, be a selfish decision for Ricardo?

“I really can’t understand. Why are you going this far to tell me these things?”

Along with my words, only a part of the breath that had been clogging my chest was barely exhaled.

Come to think of it, she had been favorable towards me from the beginning.

It was an utterly absurd thing compared to how the world I had lived in until now had always been hostile to me.

The fear of the Duchess’s unilateral support, whose reason I couldn’t even guess, came crashing down like a tidal wave.

At that moment, she smiled a smile reminiscent of Ricardo.

“The reason is very clear. It’s not difficult at all.”

It was that very smile that was so warm it sometimes made tears well up unexpectedly. At that smile resembling kindness, my eyes unknowingly heated up.

“Because my son smiles.”

“……”

“Because of you.”

At that moment, Ricardo, who had walked to the bench, turned towards me.

In one hand, he held a bouquet of flowers so beautiful that calling it beautiful would be an understatement. With an even more radiant smile.

Only then did I realize that what was rooting me to the spot was none other than my own greed.

“Lienne.”

Ricardo called my name like a melody, showing off the smile he had inherited from his mother. With that, my feet were unbound and a smile naturally formed.

Is there anyone who wouldn’t smile when the person they love is waving a bouquet of flowers and calling their name like a song?

He approached right in front of me in just three strides with his long legs and suddenly knelt on one knee. Unbelievable things and words swirled around me.

“Will you be engaged to me?”

I trembled, unable to breathe properly. Even though I knew the engagement he was talking about was only for 6 months. Or maybe, knowing that it had become even shorter now.

The moonlight brilliantly illuminated his smiling face, making it even more beautiful.

“Even if it’s a long theatrical engagement, it’s still an engagement, so we should at least keep up appearances.”

My heart cheered fervently and purely at his calm voice that made it seem like it was nothing.

Like the moon gently illuminating the earth and the unripe evening primrose cheering for such a moon.

I reached out for the flowers held out before me. I couldn’t not accept them.

My fingertips trembled coldly as I took the bouquet that could not be mine.

“I swear to be faithful during the time I am your fiancé.”

A kind expression was entwined on the face of the man swearing temporary loyalty.

“I’ll make sure you don’t regret getting engaged to me.”

Ricardo recited a common repertoire as if he were really proposing.

“The next step seems to be a love serenade, but… I’ll skip that.”

I couldn’t come up with an appropriate response to the man who was smiling playfully. Normally, I would have teased him, saying that a proposal without a serenade was fake and that I was already regretting it.

But I just breathed out heavily, making a sound that was grating even to my own ears.

My rough breathing was filled with greed.

Knowing that he couldn’t fail to read the emotions tangled in my eyes, I couldn’t avoid his gaze or hide my feelings. No, I didn’t feel like doing so.

‘Rica… Is it really okay for me to do this?’

His face, which had been staring into my eyes for a long time, suddenly crumpled.

Is it right to fight to keep by my side a man who has no memory of me left, who says there is no meaning left between us?

This is madness.

To make him abandon the Saint chosen by God, to turn the temple into an enemy because of that, to provide an excuse to the imperial family that constantly targets Ricardo, all to satisfy my own greed.

To put him and his family in danger because of that, and thus to carve out a destiny that will lead to my own burning at the stake.

For a man who doesn’t even love me.

Yet why do I feel like there’s only one path?

In the end, will the witch from the East die engulfed in flames because she couldn’t give up her greed? Why does this enormous thing, which I thought I would never be able to take even a step towards out of fear all my life, feel so light, like it’s nothing, at this moment?

At that moment, Ricardo slowly stood up. My head, following his gaze, was raised high. On the contrary, he lowered his head completely and stared intently into my eyes for a long time.

“You… do you desire me?”

Ah… Having finally been caught with my ugly inner thoughts, I eventually dropped my gaze from him. But he didn’t leave me alone like that.

“Did you suddenly start wanting to have me because I proposed? Is that it?”

He asked, mixing in a hint of laughter, like someone who hasn’t given up hope in the face of an unbelievable fact. As if pleading not to cross the line he had drawn.

“Yes…”

I didn’t deny it. It would have been useless in front of him anyway.