Didn't Plan to Become a Companion - Chapter 36

“I don’t want to… make you feel that way.”

So why…? I always asked you for a reason, but you never answered me.

Despite the fact that you actually worry about me a lot and always risk danger to save me, I don’t press you either.

Because there’s really nothing left between us. And it was right that there wasn’t.

Even so, I can’t hate Ricardo, let alone look away from him for a moment. If you don’t want to experience such feelings, would you understand me?

I clasped my hands tightly on my lap. Only then did I realize that I was still gripping the yellow rose as if it were a rope hanging from a cliff.

“What does it mean that the Crown Prince will soon die? Does it really mean he’ll pass away?”

He, who had been answering my questions readily until now, fell silent for a moment. Then he cast his gaze out the window, where clearly nothing could be seen.

“It’s the curse of the royal family.”

His lowered voice felt like a warning not to ask further, so I didn’t mention it again.

“But are we really… going to do it?”

“… Do what?”

“The engagement.”

The carriage was rattling along the rainy road. The rain had turned into a downpour, making the interior of the carriage even more somber.

Ricardo didn’t answer readily this time either. As if he were quite unwilling to get engaged.

“How did you know? The powers are something only the royal family and ducal houses should know about.”

“Ah…”

How do I know? Ironically, this had always been a big question for me.

When the first emperor, Wesley Schneider, founded the Dermeyer Empire, there were three great families that helped with the founding.

They were the Chaplin, Parquin, and Rochester families.

According to legend, after the empire was founded, the emperor granted them the title of duke, and God bestowed powers upon the three families. Those powers had maintained their strength firmly for the long period of 1000 years.

Naturally, the secrets about that power, the source of their influence, had been strictly guarded. This was precisely why the three families secretly helped each other.

For the monopoly of power, and paradoxically, for the balance of power they had tightly maintained between the royal family and the three families.

So I was always bewildered by it too.

Why did I, who didn’t even live in the Dermeyer Empire, know all those secrets?

“When I was young, precisely when I was 10 years old, I died once.”

Since lies were useless in front of Ricardo, I readily unfolded what had happened to me. Strangely, the memory of that time didn’t feel like my own.

“You… died?”

“Yes, I’m certain of it. It’s hard to express that feeling in other words.”

Of course, the fact that I knew about the royal family and ducal houses didn’t mean I knew everything about their every move.

What I knew was just the broad framework.

Like a genealogy written in some family’s dust-covered book.

Superficial contents like who was born when, who married whom, and who gave birth to whom.

Family genealogies don’t contain anything about how those people lived, how they loved, or what they lived and died for. My memories were exactly like that.

“It was a night when lightning was striking, and it just came to me then. As naturally as your legs start walking when they touch the ground.”

Until now, I had lived without even realizing that I knew this fact.

They were people who had nothing to do with me.

“Is that all?”

As if it could be all.

I slightly averted my eyes from Ricardo.

Stories about other people felt numb to me. To the point where I would have forgotten them already if they weren’t particularly impressive.

However, I didn’t want to tell him everything. Like how I couldn’t bear the pain in my heart for all the things Ricardo had to endure, as if they had happened to me.

“Yes.”

Even though it was clearly a lie, he didn’t press me. When I glanced up, his black eyes were shining with a complicated light.

Of course, it was somewhat true. It was natural that learning the secrets of those who existed in a novel wouldn’t have any meaning in my life.

Besides, I was fine until I met Ricardo again.

“As if someone had read me a book. The man with beautiful teal eyes controls space, and the man with brilliant red hair controls others’ memories. Something like that.”

Ricardo just stared into my eyes, not asking if it was the truth. It felt a bit comfortable now that he had no reason to press others.

“What about Stuart?”

“Who is that…?”

“The competitive Crown Prince who’s about to die. Do you perhaps know his ability too?”

I shook my head.

“I know he has an ability, but I don’t know exactly what kind of power it is. Ah, of course, I don’t want to know either.”

Ricardo chuckled and then leaned forward towards me. His face, suddenly close, examined mine closely.

“But why did you… die then?”

How many people in the world have received such a question? I reflexively pulled back from him. He just stared intently at my face without showing any particular reaction.

“Probably because I was… cold and hungry?”

Ricardo’s brow furrowed as if he didn’t understand the words cold and hungry.

“Can people die for such reasons?”

“The frog really doesn’t remember its time as a tadpole, does it?”

Ricardo looked at me as if asking what I meant, but I didn’t particularly answer. I didn’t want to fill the place of lost memories with such miserable content.

While I was briefly recalling my childhood, Ricardo reached out his hand. When I shrank my neck, he paused his hand.

But Ricardo soon moved slowly with a gentle face. My gaze involuntarily lingered on this expression I had never seen before. Soon, his large hand patted my head.

‘Huh?’

Then as he stroked it, the form completely overlapped with that of the boy from my childhood. Back then, Ricardo always acted like he was more of an adult than me. Just like now.

“It must have been very difficult.”

Ah, do tears usually come when you receive comfort? I thought I was fine, but maybe that wasn’t entirely true? Feeling the tip of my nose stinging, I retreated from him and spoke gruffly for no reason.

“Don’t do that. You’ll mess up my hair.”

Ricardo probably doesn’t remember at all, but our childhood was unbearably cold. And we were hungry unbelievably often. Of course, the situation improved a lot after Countess Pennel sent maids to the orphanage and took care of us.

Back then, we endured with each other’s warmth. There really were such days.

“But do you really… think it’s beautiful?”

Ricardo’s voice pierced through my reverie again. His voice, somehow feeling subtle, involuntarily aroused wariness.

“What… is?”

“Chaplin’s teal eyes.”

“Yes, really. They were so mystical that I could keep looking at them. Like a lake, or like a forest.”

I briefly recalled the young Duke Chaplin’s eyes. Those eyes had the power to captivate others so much that I couldn’t even remember the color of his hair.

“They were much more beautiful than I had imagined.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

“So he’s a handsome man too?”

Ricardo leaned back leisurely, crossing his legs. My gaze was naturally drawn to his fluid, natural movement.

“Of course, if we’re talking about looks, the Parquin young master is more dazzling. Though I’m not one to judge others’ appearances. The young Duke Chaplin is, how should I say…”

Like a clergyman style that’s hard to approach because of clear lines?

At that moment, the carriage entered a rough road with a jolt, causing the light inside to flicker. Because of this, the shadows on Ricardo’s face wavered unsteadily. When he brushed back his hair that hadn’t even fallen, his forehead was clearly revealed. Though it was clearly a meaningless action, my heart fluttered.

I continued speaking while lowering my gaze that wouldn’t easily detach.

“Anyway… it was hard to take my eyes off them.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

Seeing him raise one eyebrow, it seemed something was displeasing him again. As if to confirm that my feeling wasn’t a mistake, his voice sank a bit lower than before.

“But for what reason did you come to the Enehas Count’s party? Without any fear?”

“I was running an errand…”

“An errand?”

“Yes, the Duchess had something she wanted me to deliver. To the young master.”

He nodded as if he understood. Then he immediately pointed with his chin at the yellow rose I was still holding.

“Carrying a yellow rose?”

It wasn’t particularly a questioning attitude. It was closer to a scolding, asking what I was doing picking up and carrying around such a thing. Because of that, an excuse spontaneously burst out.

“This, it’s not mine. Some lady dropped it and I picked it up. I was going to return it, but…”

Before I could finish speaking, he snatched the rose from me, then opened the window and threw the flower out. Because of that, the rain slightly wet the cuff of his sleeve. Just what exactly was that yellow rose!

“Right, that must have been it. If there was a bastard who gave you this to wear on your chest, he would have died by my hand.”

“…”

“Aren’t you going to ask why?”

“I’m not that oblivious. Even the young Duke Chaplin’s attitude was a bit off earlier.”

At those words, Ricardo tilted his head with piercing eyes.