It was an unspeakable taboo, a precious feeling cherished small. For Kaella, that’s how she felt about Peon. She was always sorry. She thought it was natural that Beatrice ignored her.

What a wicked girl, liking a taken man. A very wicked girl. While blaming herself, it was also a desperate feeling enough to steal the night. Beatrice mocked her for it.

People who only have unrequited love without the courage to speak up are cowards. Just give up on a subject that would be rejected if spoken. Not being able to do that is really stupid and foolish. Ah, you’re so stupid you can’t grasp the situation?

He’s my husband.

Every time she heard such words, something boiled up inside her. She suddenly felt resentment towards Beatrice, and towards Peon. He was legally her husband. Even Kaella’s surname had changed.

She and Peon were Perarro, and Beatrice was Lavalle. Yet Beatrice and Peon were always one body. Even if he was occasionally kind during their marriage, even if he rarely spoke to her first, she knew in the end it wasn’t true.

Surely it was a loving heart at first. The feeling she had hidden so deeply in her Austine princess pride, out of great regret, became stained with humiliation and betrayal.

Later, perhaps the sense of betrayal grew larger than love. What was clear was that after going back and forth between life and death several times, Kaella had lost even the strength to hate Peon.

So the heart she had let go no longer needed to be hidden. It was a feeling that Peon and Beatrice, no, all the people of Lucenford knew about and mocked.

Didn’t everyone treat her as a pathetic woman who tried to play the role of a Grand Duke’s wife despite being the despicable Emperor’s spy, but was overshadowed by the flower of high society?

“You saw this book because I saw it?”

Kaella nodded, leaving the letter ink to dry.

“When?”

Peon asked with an unconscious smile. Would she like it? She probably would. If Peon had taken an interest in a field Kaella was interested in, purely because of Kaella, she would have been so happy. She probably would have been.

The affection engraved in her bones still left traces, so she vividly remembered what emotions she would have felt.

“When I was about ten.”

“You read this when you were ten?”

The book written by Kinero Jurani was not at a level a ten-year-old could understand.

“Of course it was difficult and I didn’t know what it meant.”

The tutor groaned and told the princess several times earnestly that there was no need to push herself so hard reading that book.

“Then when did you read it again?”

“I just kept reading it from then on until I understood. All the books Your Majesty read.”

She read until the spine was worn out. As she knew a little more, and as she learned new studies, she understood better and realized many new things.

It was joyful each time. Elder brother Peon must have felt like this too. So this is how interesting it was. She was glad to know. She was happy to know him.

“I fully understood it when I was about eighteen. But I wanted to understand faster.”

Just as Peon is now interested in her book trunk. No, actually with an even more desperate heart.

“It’s a bit creepy. I know.”

“That’s cute, not creepy.”

So that’s how it was. Peon decided to cherish this precious fact he had barely learned for the rest of his life. It was Kaella’s affection that he had let slip by without knowing to be grateful. He was truly creepy, brightening his eyes and rejoicing that he only knew now.

“…Come to think of it, you always told me what book you were reading whenever we met.”

That’s right. What book are you reading? What’s interesting? She chattered. Peon probably wasn’t interested. Kaella dried the ink more and looked at him again.

“I’ve finished writing the letter, so read it.”

Why should Peon see that? He frowned, not understanding even that.

“I need to check if there are any problems.”

Kaella unhesitatingly handed him the letter she had written diligently to her father, packed full. She handed him a great sin he should rightfully bear, but could never fully atone for. The Grand Duchess knows it’s natural to be censored.

“I wrote because you said I could. But just in case, please read it. I’ll fix anything that needs to be corrected.”

Peon looked only at Kaella’s wax-like face, immediately averting his gaze from the letter that had caught his eye because it was thrust right in front of him.

“I don’t do any censorship.”

Kaella stared at him blankly. Peon shook his head. His tongue felt stiff and words wouldn’t come out properly. But he had to speak.

“I absolutely don’t.”

It was a pitiful denial. The man who had resolved to walk the right path and never falter, yet was neither righteous nor sensible towards his wife, now shook his head.

Kaella hadn’t wanted special treatment. She had hoped for the minimum courtesy and respect, as he did to others.

Peon, who had broken even common sense and gained not a shred of trust, still seemed to appear to Kaella as a base husband who censored letters and doubted his wife.

Though he knew how foolish and frustrating his actions had been, he realized it anew whenever Kaella’s indifferent eyes gazed at him.

It’s a great sin. The sin is so great that Kaella will never look back at him. Though he knows this, his whole body always aches and hurts unbearably.

He had been through all sorts of injuries in countless battles, and had suffered all kinds of pain born of terrible tragedy, but nothing hurt as much as the pain he was experiencing now. His vision goes black.

But Peon did not avoid it, forcibly holding his trembling body and directly facing his sin.

“I have no intention of doing it. I don’t doubt you either.”

It’s something he had prepared for. He didn’t hold onto Kaella without preparing for this much. He was neither that weak nor that conscientious. He was terribly fierce and terribly selfish.

So he wished she would just mock him. Mock and ridicule and hate this ugly sight, saying “Now you do this?” He wished she would add something, anything, to her listless expression.

“I see.”

But Kaella turned back with the letter and sat down in the chair again at those words. Since he said so, she just turned away thinking that must be how it is.

She folded the dried letter silently, without even making him promise not to say otherwise later. She just did what she had to do, and Peon only looked at her.

If he asked to see the letter again, that woman would show it without any hesitation, and if he nitpicked a letter she had just sent like before he returned, she would just endure it silently thinking that’s how it is. Because she doesn’t have even a shred of expectation for him.

“…Kaella.”

Because she doesn’t even have the expectation that he will act like a proper person.

The reason she confesses past events so nonchalantly is because they are literally in the past. Her heart has left forever.

“The waterways are fast, so order plenty of good fabric too. You need to make a new dress to attend the engagement ceremony.”

Knowing it all, Peon just smiled. He smiled kindly and took care of her even though Kaella didn’t look at him.

While enduring the throbbing pain in his solar plexus by biting down, he held onto her tightly and didn’t let go. His instincts, twisted in manifestation, were like that. So ugly and selfish.

He will live like this for the rest of his life. It will probably be a very long time full of only pain, but he didn’t mind as long as he was with Kaella. Today was just like any other typical day among the many days to come.

The Grand Duchess who died in winter remained stagnant like the dead in the cool castle even when spring came.

Peon reluctantly and passively made a final correction to the order form for just one summer dress fabric. Her father-in-law will send plenty of the most popular and valuable fabrics these days, selected by type and color, for his daughter.

Paying that price was the job of the son-in-law, who had lost all joy. The son-in-law earnestly prayed that his father-in-law, who loved his daughter too much, would not take away even that pleasure.

*

The world keeps turning. Kaella knew early on that her pain had nothing to do with the world turning.

However, Peon included all the plans Kaella had argued for before her return in the expansion plans she hadn’t even looked at.

In this plan received by the architects, carpenters, masons and stonecutters participating in the project, the Grand Duchess’s opinions were clearly marked.

Kaella’s name was listed throughout the plan. She didn’t care about such things and they weren’t important, but the problem was that as the walks Darinka ordered became longer in time and range, she encountered more people.

Whenever she walked through the warm spring sunshine, people visible in the distance took off their hats and bowed their heads to her with respect.

As the expansion construction progressed actively, the new look of Lucenford she had only imagined was being realized. Everything felt strange and awkward.

“You look pretty today too.”

Among them, this man was the strangest and most awkward. While the people of Lucenford had broadened their minds and views enough to thank Kaella, they didn’t seem to notice at all how Peon had changed.

The atmosphere he gave off was clearly different. More overwhelming, much deeper, and darker.

It felt like if you got close, you would be instantly swallowed up and fall. It felt like even the fall would last for a long time in his arms.

Such a man always opened his eyes in the same bed as her, took care of meals, and without fail accompanied her on the daily walk.

Although he must be incredibly busy starting with repairing the castle walls, whenever she tried to crawl back into bed and lie there helplessly, he immediately barged in and dragged her out.

Even now, after finally getting her to prepare to go out, he firmly held her hand. It was clearly sincere and not perfunctory when he exclaimed that she was pretty, which made it more baffling and strange.

He held her hand as they walked, and on the stairs he had her link arms with him. As they passed through the hall, a carriage was waiting outside. Where are we going?

“The port.”

The port? Not understanding what he meant, Kaella blankly followed him into the carriage. Lucenford did have a port of sorts.

A huge river flowed here too, leading far out to sea. But it froze solid in winter, and when the weather warmed even a little and it thawed, foreign tribes invaded along the river. Was there anything to see there?

“A ship is coming in today, Kaella.”

Her indifferent and blank face looked at him as if not understanding what he meant. The carriage started moving. Peon flung open the curtain so she could see outside.

“A ship is coming from Austine, you know.”

Kaella, who had sunk into the bedroom quietly like a barely breathing plant, was dull to the passage of time. She just stayed still.

It was enough to drive onlookers mad with anxiety, so Peon was involved in all tasks of feeding, bathing, and dressing her. When fed she ate, when bathed she obediently washed, when dressed she stood still as she was dressed.

When seated at the desk, she diligently handled the accumulated work, so she looked like an exemplary Grand Duchess to anyone. However, there was not the slightest bit of expressing her opinions or reflecting her tastes in it, so she was no different from an emotionless machine.

You might say what emotionless machine, since she spoke and answered questions asked. But to Peon, who was desperately scraping and recalling blurred memories suppressed due to the taboo, that’s how it felt.

The shy smile she often made, the diverse and unique opinions that poured out when asked, the passion with which she moved enthusiastically to improve the castle and properly play the role of its mistress – all were gone.

“Ah.”

Now Kaella seemed to barely even perceive the passage of time.

“Has it already become like that?”

“Yes. It’s become like that. Look over there. The castle walls have changed like that, and the weather has gotten warmer. You don’t need to wear fur anymore.”

That much warmth was summer, not spring, in Lucenford.

New bricks were laid on the broken castle walls here and there, and the foundation work was done properly to make it more solid. People who recognized the Grand Duchess’s carriage through the wide open curtains all bowed their heads at once.

Kaella’s blank eyes fell on the children standing by the cleaned roadside waving their hands. The carriage was passing by very slowly. She confirmed that the children’s cheeks and wrists were not thin.

Not being skinny means food is plentiful. The children were all holding a steamed potato each right now. Kaella, who was always kind to children, smiled slightly and waved back.

“Wow!”

The children’s eyes widened, then they smiled even more brightly and waved their arms vigorously as if they would fall off. Money flows from Lucenford Castle.

Since people working at the castle are given higher wages, money naturally circulates outside the castle as well. The children’s attire had become cleaner too. It would get even better when goods were unloaded from the merchant ships from Austine. But is this okay?

“Why?”

Peon read all the subtle changes in her expression.

“What are you worried about?”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. Even if it seems like something you shouldn’t worry about, tell me.”

Normally, or rather before the return, the person who would have put her in the carriage and ridden a horse outside was now riding in the carriage with her, looking at her and smiling gently.

Honestly, every time she saw him, she wanted to say “Who are you?” She wanted to ask who he was to read her innermost thoughts and take interest.

But Kaella knew too. That man was also Peon. Perhaps this was his true self that he hadn’t been able to reveal.

“Is it okay to use money meant for the army like this without anyone saying anything?”

“Who would say anything?”

Of course, you. Or the people of Lucenford. Wasn’t it the natural course to point fingers, saying precious money was being wasted on useless things?

“We’ve driven away the invaders. My father’s wish is to converse with his son, so he won’t say anything as long as he can communicate with his son. As for me, I’m someone who has nothing to say to you.”

Look at this. He sees right through her again.

“If others were to speak up…”

Saying he’d tear their mouths apart would be too harsh in front of Kaella. Peon, still looking at his pale wife’s face, corrected his words.

“They’re smart enough not to speak up.”

Word had spread about how the former head maid and butler had died, and couples who had sneered or meddled at the table when Kaella ate Perenco had met with fates where the husbands perished and the wives lost their property and titles, ending up on the streets.

It was a time when everyone had to watch their words.

“Look over there, Kaella.”

They weren’t even close to the port yet, but already three massive merchant ships could be seen.

Although Kaella had only requested enough for one ship, considering the goods to be loaded on a single ship and the freight costs, it was clear that the Duke of Austine had sent additional funds from his personal coffers.

“The ships have arrived.”

The nostalgic Austine people have come to see their precious young lady, bringing the salty sea breeze with them.