Looking back on Kaella’s life, she had never been truly happy since she was twenty-one. She had more memories of shame and resentment than joy and pleasure.

“I heard you underwent regression.”

The color drained from Peon’s face as he looked up. He froze, unable to move, as if he had heard the most terrifying words in the world.

“Then, the Your Highness I remember and the current Your Highness are the same person.”

The polite and respectful tone spoke gently.

“You dislike me, don’t you?”

No, I don’t dislike you. Peon shook his head without realizing it. Kaella came down from the chair and faced him at eye level.

“You don’t need to do this. I’m not a person worth this.”

With each word Kaella spoke, he fell into panic. Anger and disgust would be better. This was a result he had not anticipated.

Or perhaps it was a result he vaguely knew but was too afraid to face. This was something he could do nothing about for Kaella, who had no motivation.

“You know, Your Highness.”

I don’t know. Peon wanted to say he didn’t know. He wanted to cowardly know nothing, forever.

But he dared not, truly dared not, stop Kaella’s words. He had stopped her so many times over the four years. So he had to let her say everything she wanted to say. Even if it was better not to hear it.

“I am from the South.”

Peon squeezed his eyes shut. He should have silenced all the people here who pointed fingers and spoke. Now Kaella herself had said those words.

“You’re the Emperor’s nephew. Your Highness cherishes Lady Lavalle, not me…”

As Kaella spoke the brainwashing formula that had long suppressed Peon, he couldn’t help but shudder.

“Please, that’s not it. You know that’s not true.”

That hateful brainwashing should not have come from Kaella’s mouth.

“I disgust you, don’t I?”

But even worse words kept pouring from those pretty lips.

“…What?”

With every word hitting the back of Peon’s head, he could only stupidly ask again. The ringing in his ears started again. What? Who’s disgusting? Who? To whom? How dare they?

“You said it was disgusting to touch me.”

Don’t you remember that? Kaella asked, looking at him as if examining him.

Just touching you.

At that moment, his brain, already surpassing the human brain, recalled a memory that was very clear but conveniently forgotten.

Disgusting.

Along with his clear voice, he remembered everything about that moment – the space, time, and Kaella’s expression as she listened. It was in the second year after Kaella came to the family.

By then, she had already lost much hope, been hurt a lot, and gathered up her stubbornness and bitterness, but was repeatedly frustrated. Still, she asked for what was natural as a wife.

The duty of a couple to have an heir. Anyway, I want to fulfill my duty.

As a well-bred noble lady, it must have been quite embarrassing and daring for Kaella to speak of such things first. But when she said those words, her face was already expressionless. She had steeled herself.

His answer to that resolve was so cheap. So insulting. The taboo clashed with a screech.

Not knowing that, Peon thoroughly despised Kaella. His insides were scraped raw. Something felt wrong. He wanted to quickly hide the forbidden act he had committed.

The taboo made such an unpleasant sound that Peon was greatly shaken. It was a humiliating thing. At that moment, he wanted to touch Kaella. To him, it seemed such a sweet and tempting lure.

It was an enormous temptation for his wife, whom he should never trust and was merely keeping under close surveillance, to speak so stiffly.

Peon doesn’t know how much he hated himself for feeling that way. So he lashed out even more viciously with his words.

I’m holding back nausea even now. Marital duty? I’ve never had someone like you as a wife.

He was more disgusting for saying such things. He was more nauseating for continually pushing a young wife with no family or support to the edge, without even maintaining basic courtesy.

But why are those words coming from the young wife’s mouth now?

“I disgust you, don’t I?”

The consequences come back. That’s how it was. The words spat out, the glances thrown away, all of it surely comes back, even defying death. It was an unforgivable sin, so he had to be revived to pay the price again.

“That’s not true…”

The sinner covered his face, unconsciously holding back the hot emotions welling up. His eyes stung, but he dared not cry. He could only deny it, saying over and over that it wasn’t like that, it wasn’t true.

Because of the taboo, he didn’t believe, and not believing led to hatred. He thought what anyone would think – that if she somehow bore a child and had an heir, Kaella would try to control everything from behind by making that child the Emperor’s puppet.

But that wasn’t it. Even with his reason bound, unable to think clearly, Peon still felt he had nothing to say. He should have thought more. If he had no reason, he should have created it and thought.

He should have always pitied and felt sorry for Kaella, but in the end not stopped her reaching hand. Instead of turning away thinking she might be a spy while unconsciously following her with his gaze, he should have at least treated her like a person.

“The marital duty is rightfully to be shared together, and Your Majesty spoke correctly.”

The sinner carefully chose each word while enduring the feeling of losing his mind. Excuses were not allowed, nor was the familiar tone trying to emerge. A sinner must confess like a sinner.

“Your Majesty fulfilled your duty. You never failed to carry it out. Aren’t I the disgusting one to you? Isn’t that right? Even after committing such a sin, I still wanted you.”

Don’t you want to punish me? Don’t you want to hurt me? Don’t you want to hit me at least? Peon searched Kaella’s clear eyes for hatred or disgust, or anything similar.

She furrowed her brow and turned her gaze away for a moment, lost in thought. Peon waited. He waited, praying, no, hoping for condemnation to burst forth.

“I did something wrong.”

The blue eyes beneath the thick lashes moved busily because she was trying to find what she had done wrong.

The face, too calm to the point of innocence, even smiled slightly as if finally finding it. She looked happy. Happy to find a reason to die. That was the only reason to be happy in Lysenford.

“I, I was seen by people sneaking out of Your Highness’s bedroom while you were asleep. Right? That time, that’s it. That night I stole from Your Highness.”

There was much talk that the woman had shamelessly been in her husband’s bedroom while he slept and then left.

As those words gathered into a big rumor, after pressing what exactly she had stolen from the Grand Duke’s bedroom, the final evidence sent by Beatrice arrived, and Kaella became a criminal. It was a very shameful end for the noble Ostein lady.

“Your Highness mistook me for Lady Lavalle.”

No. Peon wanted to scream. The fear he had forcibly buried was finally revealing itself.

“I, I did it. I committed such a despicable act.”

Her lips, asking if she didn’t deserve to die, tried to smile but twisted as if crying. Kaella hoped Peon would understand quickly. She had failed to die three times.

Her husband, who she thought was somewhat different, was that very husband who didn’t believe her and doubted her to the end. So nothing had changed. Then why should she live?

Poison doesn’t work, and neither does the food her body rejects. Then wouldn’t it be good if Peon killed her for sure? If suicide doesn’t work, homicide would be nice.

She who always watched Peon’s mood and tried to look good was now trying her best to somehow anger Peon.

“…Is that true?”

“Yes, it’s true. Your Highness mistook me for Lady Lavalle and embraced me. You were sick and intoxicated with medicine or alcohol then, so you didn’t know. I did it.”

As soon as Peon asked, she nodded her head vigorously and spoke. She tried so hard it was pitiful. The pitiful madness clawed at his heart.

“Then that was… not a dream?”

Kaella looked at the painfully smiling Peon with a puzzled expression. Strange. The husband who had lived with her for 4 years should have glared at her, pushed her away, and coldly gotten angry by now.

Knowing that, she had immediately drunk poison when confessing that he had regressed, but why wasn’t he getting angry? Why was he asking for forgiveness? Everything was strange.

Regression was truly a strange thing.

*

It was just as 4 full years had passed since marrying Kaella. At that time, Peon was completely controlled by the taboo that had continued for years, but he didn’t know what the problem was.

It was natural for his body to suffer since the taboo bound the son of the dragon, but there was no way to know that. It was just a sick day. Like sometimes catching a cold and being ill like a young boy when he first came to Lysenford, such a day had come again.

The robust Grand Duke disliked taking medicine, feeling unwell, and didn’t like showing his sick appearance to others.

So the butler had long since prepared various medicines and hurriedly withdrawn. Only the naive and frustrating Grand Duchess thought that a sick person shouldn’t be left alone no matter what.

No, she was just worried. Even if it was a husband who didn’t treat her like a person, he was still sick, and he looked very ill, so she couldn’t leave him alone.

Her kind and gentle heart showed some concern and sympathy even for a husband who had lost all affection. Or maybe she still harbored unrequited love for him even then, continuing to love him. Yes. The complexly mixed feelings couldn’t be defined as one thing.

“Your Highness.”

The Grand Duke’s bedroom was a mess. Peon’s body, suppressed by the taboo and unable to even dream of awakening, was burning with fever, and his consciousness was hazy.

He had roughly taken some medicine and lain down, but with his weakened hands, the medicines got mixed up and he didn’t know what he had taken. He had also done the foolish thing of drinking alcohol because of the pain. He was so ill he had almost no reason left.

Kaella wrung out a cold wet towel and placed it on Peon’s forehead, quickly tidying up the messy tray beside the bed and the floor, checking what medicine he had taken.

No one tells the southern woman, the Emperor’s niece, about the Grand Duke’s condition. Still, she had somehow heard he was sick and carefully entered.

She regretted it even after entering. Why listen to more talk later. Now she was afraid of every action in Lysenford.

Kaella startled at the sound of steady, calming breaths. He won’t like it if we meet.

I’ll just change the wet towel and leave. With the medicine and alcohol bottles, it seems he’s eaten everything he could, but there wasn’t much she could do unless she was a doctor.

‘If only I were a doctor. Then I’d be useful, and whether he liked it or not, brother would have to meet me…’

Then she could maintain even just a businesslike relationship. Her thoughts had long since fallen to a miserable state.

Kaella was already sensing then that her life here wouldn’t be very long. She hurriedly moved her body. It was when she reached out to wet the towel on Peon’s forehead one last time.

Her hand was grabbed with a thud. At that moment, Kaella really felt like she would faint. Peon would be angry. He would despise her. What should she do? As soon as she saw the purple eyes opening, boiling with pitch-black energy, she poured out excuses.

“I’m sorry. I heard you were sick, so I just came to check if you needed anything. I’m sorry. I’ll just change the wet towel and leave right away.”

She apologized incessantly. She would probably feel miserable later when alone. Because she was a wife who didn’t even have the right to care for her sick husband, she would feel miserable. But that was for later, and now it was important to end this quietly somehow.

“…Beatrice?”

Kaella, who had been terrified, felt drained then. Her husband wasn’t in his right mind. So he was calling for that woman he loved so much again out of habit. How nice. Beatrice must be so happy.

Peon, who had grabbed the woman who gently and softly wiped his face and put something cool on his forehead, narrowed his hazy eyes. Biting her lip slightly and lowering her eyes, she was smaller than Beatrice, with dazzling platinum blonde hair.

Yes. Not silver hair. His eyes, momentarily cleared from fighting the taboo, immediately recognized the woman with sky-blue eyes and cool lips.

“…Ah, it’s you.”

Peon smiled. It was his wife. The wife he had been suspicious of, whom he had forcibly married and chosen to keep under surveillance right before his eyes, but looking closely, she was always bustling about diligently on her own.

He had heard that she sometimes showed kindness in taking care of the servants.

“It was you.”

But the distance between them had already widened, and there would only be irreversible things in the future. That was the kind of relationship they had. The illegitimate child of the Empress and the Emperor’s niece, so it would be like that.

So this was probably a dream or illusion. He was seeing strange things because of the fever. That’s why Peon pulled her close. He just wanted to, so he pulled her into an embrace.

A joy he had never anticipated, a secret desire, poured out. So this must clearly be just a dream. A dream that should just pass and be forgotten, but somehow unforgettable.

That’s why before the regression, Peon hated himself for having such a dream, and after the taboo was lifted, he hated himself somewhat differently for desiring his wife and having such a dream despite doing that kind of thing.

*

“I… I wasn’t in my right mind then… I did something to Your Majesty…”

This isn’t right. Kaella thought as she saw Peon’s desperate face looking at her as if examining her. This wasn’t what she wanted.

He should be angry and contemptuous, but instead he looked at her with shocked eyes and worried. His pale face turned so pale it took on a bluish tinge.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. That I dared to do such a thing…”

“I’m telling you I did it? I undressed Your Highness.”

“I pulled you close. I remember that. I embraced you, didn’t I? How could Your Majesty refuse my strength, I forcibly…”

“You didn’t do it forcibly, I embraced Your Highness! I took off my clothes too!”

Why can’t he understand? Is this not it? If not this, what else did I do wrong? Kaella busily searched for reasons why she should die.

“Still, that wasn’t Your Majesty’s fault.”

“No. It was wrong.”

She found it. Well, she was always full of mistakes because she was stupid.

“I became pregnant then.”

Kaella felt relieved seeing the purple eyes freeze instantly. Yes. This should do it.

“I didn’t even tell you about the pregnancy. So I carelessly lost the precious heir.”

It was natural. She was confined before she even knew she was pregnant.

“So I’ll just die. I can die well. I can die quietly without making a sound. I’m good at it because I’ve died once.”

The woman smiled blankly with unfocused eyes. She tried hard to smile nicely. I’m nothing, I’m disgusting so I can die well, she said with already dead eyes.

Who had killed her?