At the End of Ruin, There You Are - Chapter 48

After their meal together ended, Kaella thought it was strange as she watched Peon’s back as he headed to his office, looking back regretfully but ultimately leaving.

It was Kaella, not Beatrice, who was left alone in the dining room chewing on tough meat, but today the two had switched places.

Before Beatrice stirred things up, this kind of atmosphere was possible. But she knew it was only up to this point. From tomorrow, it wouldn’t be.

‘From tomorrow, it won’t be.’

She turned away and prepared for the night. The nights in Lucenford were long and deep. She had to quickly wash her body with warm water, wrap herself up before the cooled water stole away her warmth, and quickly get into the bed warmed by a hot water bottle.

‘Well, when else would I get to enjoy such hot water and a warm bed like this?’

The former head maid Doris Windgood, who was now exiled, had deliberately assigned only clumsy maids to Kaella who would either heat the water too hot or too lukewarm.

When Kaella scolded them because she was getting injured or constantly catching colds, the maids would burst into tears, and the head maid made the Grand Duchess out to be a nasty person who was being overly picky.

As time passed, she later turned into a woman who threw hysterics because she didn’t receive her husband’s love.

The so-called ‘mistakes’ were not limited to just getting the water temperature wrong or forgetting to put in the hot water bottle. In the brutal cold of Lucenford, she withered away day by day like that. It was a terrible time.

“Good night, Your Highness.”

“Sleep well.”

In Lucenford, survival was the biggest issue. Kaella no longer knew how to survive. She had tried everything against the people who disliked her, and after failing at everything, she died. So she didn’t have the strength to think anymore.

‘Beatrice Laval sweeping through Lucenford might be an opportunity. When everyone is looking only at her, I should send Marie first. Next week? Yes. Next week would be good.’

I must hurry.

‘I must hurry and die.’

I must die and disappear.

Just because things had changed a little didn’t mean she was guaranteed to survive. No, she was just sick and tired of surviving in this place itself.

And she didn’t have the strength for it either. Kaella closed her eyes and sank into darkness. If only she could die like this, sinking.

Quietly.

“Where are you going?”

Without pain.

“To my wife.”

Following that, with a thud, the sound of the door closing made Kaella open her eyes. The silhouette of the man who had closed that door and entered was revealed in the white moonlight shining through the half-drawn curtains and the red fireplace light.

Kaella stared blankly at that man. Had she fallen asleep already? Was she dreaming now?

His black hair, usually combed back immaculately, was slightly disheveled and falling down wet. He stood there with his shirt buttons still undone. It was a more embarrassing state than their first night.

Above all, what was embarrassing was the voice Kaella had heard with her eyes closed. It was clearly a very casual yet dangerous voice, and the content was even more awkward.

“Did I wake you? Oh, I’m sorry, Bi.”

But as soon as their eyes met, his voice changed completely. The voice that had been arrogant just moments ago now apologized politely to Kaella, not knowing what to do.

“Is someone outside?”

When Kaella asked quietly, Peon tensed up without realizing it.

“Yes. Please don’t mind and go back to sleep. I’ll leave soon too.”

He was supposed to just sit quietly without disturbing her, sit far away from the bed, and then slip out when Beatrice left. He must not disturb Kaella’s rest at all.

“Is it Lady Laval?”

Unexpectedly, Kaella sharply guessed. And at that moment, Peon anticipated what would come out of Kaella’s mouth if he answered.

You should go. Don’t worry about me. It’s fine. Go ahead.

It was all words he hated to hear. She would say those hateful words even while knowing what it meant to send her husband to another woman at night.

“Yes. She’s been following me rudely and being excessively unpleasant. Now that I’ve come to Bi, I hope she’ll finally maintain some boundaries.”

So he spoke firmly and decisively, leaving no room for doubt.

“It might be uncomfortable for you, Bi, but I’ll have to stay here for a few hours. Please don’t mind me and sleep.”

Speaking strongly, Kaella couldn’t find any excuse to say anything more. Well, there was nothing to say.

This was clearly Peon’s bedroom, and who could stop the owner of the bedroom from claiming to stay here? And the relationship between Peon and Beatrice was his business to handle, not something for Kaella to interfere with. She was an outsider after all.

So Kaella had no choice but to lie back down.

“Yes, good night to you too, Your Highness.”

“Sleep well.”

In an instant, it felt like Peon had filled the bedroom again. The presence that this huge man possessed was just as immense.

He moved very quietly, but Kaella couldn’t disconnect her nerves from him. The heavy scent followed the man as he picked up a towel to dry his hair, added more wood to the fireplace, and sat down in a nearby chair.

Kaella gently opened her eyes that she had closed. She could see Peon’s side profile as he sat facing the fireplace.

His face, where bright light and deep shadows danced simultaneously, was strong and beautiful. His unwavering eyes were staring directly at the flames, but for a moment, fatigue flashed across his crumbling expression.

“Your Highness.”

She called out in a small voice, almost whispering, and he immediately turned to look at her. As if he had never been tired, he smiled gently.

“Do you need anything?”

“Come up here and sleep. The bed is wide enough.”

Peon stiffened instantly.

“Don’t mind me. There’s enough room for us to sleep at opposite ends.”

“I can’t share a bed with a patient.”

“It’s big enough for two people and more. Besides, it’s my job to ensure Your Highness is not uncomfortable.”

The new head maid was determined to get rid of that stupidly oversized bed, but for now, this bed was functional.

Even among the tall and well-built people of Lucenford, Peon had an exceptional physique, and the bed was comfortable for him with room to spare, so Kaella’s words were reasonable.

But Peon was very bothered by those words. Especially the last part. ‘My job’, she said. Always reminded of his young wife before the regression, he couldn’t help but discover things about his current wife that he didn’t know before.

Had Kaella only felt a sense of duty throughout their marriage, trying to fulfill her responsibilities as the Grand Duchess? Did she have no affection for him at all?

‘Am I crazy?’

How could there be any affection after what he had done? Peon was filled with self-contempt for being shocked now, yet he still suffered from the shock.

It was a foolish contradiction. It was a lingering attachment that he knew he should give up but couldn’t at the same time, a terrible desire that kept sprouting no matter how violently it was cut down.

“And as you can see, I’ve recovered a lot, Your Highness.”

Peon quietly watched Kaella as she raised herself up in his bed.

He looked at her moving lips, her flowing hair, the glimpse of her elegantly long neck and delicate shoulders between the strands, the collarbone revealed through the muslin nightgown, and above all, her clear eyes. He felt dejected that those clear eyes showed no sign of doubt.

“Bi. I’m grateful that you’re thinking of me.”

Her violet eyes, reflecting shadows and flames, were filled with her image.

“And I’m grateful that you trust me as a gentleman, but I hope you don’t forget that sharing a bed with a man has a bit more meaning.”

At those words with clear implications, Kaella looked at him for a moment. Peon waited for the silent criticism and disgust that was sure to pour out. That would be better.

He’d rather remain a bastard with desires than become some kind of inanimate object that wasn’t even a man to her for the rest of his life. He wanted to remain that way, at least.

“I know what it means.”

A small voice murmured.

“We’re married.”

Something that could never happen in Peon’s bleak world occurred.

“It doesn’t matter.”

Even with those bland words, his heart stopped, then hot blood rushed through his veins again, pulsing violently. He was truly a shameless person.

“That’s also a wife’s duty, isn’t it?”

For a moment, the black pupils within the violet irises contracted.

“Duty, is it.”

The low, thick voice came close to her soft earlobe and scraped it with bared teeth.

“You seem to really like duties, Bi.”

It’s now deep night, a dangerous time when a lonely man’s desires overcome reason. The man sitting on the sofa, bending his upper body and turning to look this way, was like a beast crouching to gather strength before pouncing for the hunt.

“As the Grand Duchess, you said last time that you would do your best to educate even a bastard child I might bring as an heir. But what’s strange is.”

Kaella suddenly thought her arm hurt. The arm supporting her raised upper body was tingling. But she couldn’t move an inch.

She had the ridiculous thought that if she moved even slightly, the huge man in front of her would snatch her up in an instant.

“You’ve never said you’d bear my heir yourself.”

He rose and approached. Even as her arm went from tingling to aching, Kaella didn’t move.

“Isn’t continuing the lineage the greatest duty?”

It was difficult to discern the emotion buried in his still even tone. Before she could grasp it, Peon simply wrapped his arms around her aching arm and sat her upright. The pain disappeared instantly.

But he didn’t let go of her arm that he had wrapped his hand around. The heavy, refreshing scent filled her nose, and his broad shoulders blocked her view. Kaella raised her head to face her husband.

Would he really embrace her? That couldn’t be. She was an ugly, stiff blockhead.

Right now, Peon was just mocking her sarcastically. That was fine too. Kaella was the fool who had been desperate to see even a contemptuous smile. Since everything would end in death anyway, it really didn’t matter what happened.

“Why don’t you say such things? Do you dislike fulfilling that duty with me?”

In an instant, the distance closed until their breaths mingled, but Kaella neither avoided him nor showed surprise or embarrassment, apart from leaning back very slightly.

Peon felt what had been slightly irritating now starting to grate on his nerves as her face remained expressionless and clear.

“It’s okay with other women to have children, but not with you?”

Would he have no chance at all even after regressing? He knew it was shameless to hope, but it would be a lie to say he didn’t expect the loving gaze she had given him before the regression.

But if even that wasn’t there, could it be that even the affection he had received before regressing was his delusion?

If he had never received anything from Kaella, if there wasn’t even a memory to hold onto and reminisce about for a lifetime, what should he do?

“Do you hate me that much?”

He asked miserably and pitifully.

“No. It doesn’t matter.”

And he heard an answer that would have been better if she had said she hated him.

“I should fulfill my duty regardless of who my husband is.”

He laughed bitterly, dumbfounded. His blood cooled, then quickly reversed course, rushing back.

“But will it be alright?”

“What, Kaella? Me? Or you?”

“Both. Is it alright for you to do this with me?”

She was asking both if it was alright for him, or if it was alright for him to do this with the woman who might be shocked outside that door.

“You’re worried about that too?”

Peon laughed dejectedly. Then he looked at her directly with eyes devoid of laughter.

This time, before Kaella could try to back away, sensing danger at last, Peon pulled harder on the hand that was holding her.

“After blowing someone’s mind, you’re trying to back out now?”

How could I have caught you? How shameless. How shamelessly I longed for you.

“That’s not it…”

“That’s how it sounds, Kaella. It’s too obvious.”

So does that mean it’s really okay? The feelings, or rather desires, that she thought were gone after suffering for so long, raised their head inside Kaella.

Even if the man who tried to steal like a thief called it duty, he still came to her. Even though she should refuse him as another’s man, she wanted to cling to him, abandoning her conscience. She still did.

“What use is it to hear you say other bastards are fine too, not just me?”

Kaella discovered golden flecks appearing in the violet eyes facing her, about to devour her. The golden fragments crowded around the pupils were beautiful and shining fiercely. And strangely, the black pupils were dilated, elongated… vertically?

“I only need you, Kaella.”

Along with the rough voice that blocked out all thoughts and senses, a large hand covered Kaella’s bright blue eyes. A hand that burrowed between her hair strands and wrapped around the back of her neck pulled her closer, completely eliminating the little distance left between them.

The man who snatched the chance he thought he would never get and greedily explored was desperately clinging to the woman in his arms, swallowing her breath over and over and stealing her lips.

Only, you.

I only wanted you.