At the End of Ruin, There You Are - Chapter 28

Kaella envied the unconscious empress. She envied the dead mother of the gardener who worked at the Austine ducal townhouse.

She envied those who had peacefully entered death, or a state close to it. When she lay in the northern tower of Lysenford, she had desperately wished for death. Why was it not granted to her?

What was the point of living? Everything was tiresome now, and sometimes the weight of her father on her shoulders felt like an unfilial burden.

The emperor would pick fights at the slightest provocation, and even with their wealth, the Austine ducal family was helpless before imperial power. If ordered to die, one must die. That was the empire.

Continuing her suffocating life in Lysenford, where she was treated as a nonentity, only delayed the inevitable arrival of death.

Everything was exhausting and meaningless. So she wished to die soon. Those who desperately long for death can immediately distinguish reality from illusion when they open their eyes. Kaella knew this time too that she was still alive.

“Kaella.”

Peiron, with bloodshot eyes, was right beside her. From the shape of the walls behind him, she knew this was Lysenford. The unfamiliar surroundings were because this was not the Grand Duchess’s bedroom she was accustomed to.

“Can you hear my voice?”

She could. Having held him in her heart for so long, she could recognize his voice even with her eyes closed.

“Do you recognize who I am?”

There was an urgency in his questioning voice. Kaella nodded vaguely and tried to get up.

“Do not get up. Do not move.”

This would have been the best death for Kaella if she had died like this.

But it would have been the worst death for Lysenford, so Peiron must have desperately tried to prevent it. That must be why he was by her side with an unshaven, scruffy face. Her mind immediately went in this direction upon waking.

Was it because it was so strange to have the Grand Duke by her side, who had never been there for her before?

“Your Grace, I will check your temperature first.”

As Peiron stepped back, a physician approached.

‘Back to square one.’

She was still the Grand Duchess of Lysenford. What insults would she face this time? Would they call her terrible for deliberately fainting after eating as told?

“You have been asleep for three days. It’s fortunate that you’ve woken up.”

The kindly-looking physician answered what she had been wondering about first.

“Your fever has gone down considerably. That’s good. Now, can you follow my finger with your eyes?”

Asleep for three whole days? Yet her body didn’t feel heavy or painful, rather refreshed as if she had just woken from a good night’s sleep. It didn’t seem like someone who had eaten a plateful of perenco soaked in tour berries. What medicine had they used?

Kaella shrugged her shoulders, recalling the tour berries that made her whole body feel itchy just by looking at them. She had always tried to avoid them.

Except for perenco and a few desserts, it was an ingredient rarely used, yet because of it, she had become ‘the emperor’s spy refusing to be a Lysenford person’.

“Your condition was very serious. We thought you might not make it through the crisis, but thankfully you did.”

Indeed. Why didn’t she die? Kaella lowered her gaze. She had intended to die as soon as she came to Lysenford, so why didn’t she? Too foolish to even properly carry out a death attempt.

“My lady, my lady. I’m so relieved you’ve woken up. We’ve been praying so much.”

But seeing the Austine-born maids who had kept vigil by her side approach with joy on their swollen faces from crying so much made her feel sorry. She didn’t care about anything else, but she still felt responsible for taking care of these three.

“It’s my fault for not being able to properly monitor your food. I’m sorry, my lady.”

Cecil, the oldest maid, bowed her head calmly. Kaella thought this was nonsense and slowly shook her head.

“No…”

Her first attempt at speaking produced an incredibly hoarse voice. The maids immediately turned pale.

“My lady, you shouldn’t speak now!”

“Water…”

She wanted to gulp down cool water refreshingly, but after much fuss, what arrived was just a little lukewarm water. Kaella gratefully drank even that.

“Are you cold?”

The maids were always worried about the delicate young lady coming to the cold northern region where icy winds blew.

Among them, Cecil, the oldest, died here after falling ill while serving Kaella. Denise got married here, and Mary, the youngest, stayed to protect Kaella until the end. Kaella didn’t know what happened to her after Kaella was confined.

“I’m fine. It’s hot.”

They must have put so much firewood in the fireplace that the flames were licking out beyond the grate. Meanwhile, the physician calmly reminded them not to forget to maintain proper humidity and ventilation.

It wasn’t the Grand Duke’s personal physician whom Kaella knew well, but a female doctor she had never seen before. She wondered how an outsider had entered Lysenford Castle where strangers were not allowed to enter freely, but Kaella lost interest.

It was none of her business. She didn’t want to fuss about playing the role of Grand Duchess anymore when she no longer had any authority. Besides, this place would be swept away by the emperor on charges of treason in a few years anyway.

She didn’t know the circumstances well at that time because she had been confined, but even as Grand Duchess, no one paid her any attention and Peiron was indifferent, so she didn’t know either way.

“Your Grace’s recovery speed is remarkable.”

The physician quietly reported to the Grand Duke, who was sitting quietly in the corner after giving up his bedroom to his newlywed wife.

“There’s almost no internal damage, and the swelling has already subsided. It’s thanks to the retilin. With careful eating and sufficient rest, you’ll recover soon.”

It was truly a magical medicine. Peiron, who had procured the medicine, looked at his curtained bed.

“Will it be alright with the weather still cold?”

“Of course, she must be kept warm. This is sufficient. But you must not overdo it. This room is already too hot and dry. Moderation in all things is important.”

These words were directed at the Grand Duke, who had been anxiously stuffing more firewood into the fireplace at the slightest provocation during the past three days of the Grand Duchess’s condition. The Grand Duke silently nodded.

“It would be good for her to have some light liquid food. Once she eats and regains strength, she should be able to walk soon. But we must be very careful with the food.”

“We shall certainly be careful.”

For the first time in Lysenford’s history, the lord of the castle began to personally oversee the kitchen hierarchy, staff, and facilities within the castle.

He nodded and rose from his seat. It was enough that he had seen Kaella awake. The maids who had barely slept and were still by her side would take better care of her than Peiron. He tried to forcefully turn away from the bed and leave.

“Cough…”

But his gaze betrayed him again, drawn to Kaella who gave a weak cough. Where was she hurting? His heart, which had been tightly wound for three days, sank.

“I’m fine…”

This was true not only for Peiron but also for the other maids, so Kaella had to weakly wave her hand, almost whispering to the eyes fixed on her.

“Drink more water.”

Peiron strode over, poured a little more water, and fed it to Kaella. His hand was quite skilled at directly feeding her.

In fact, Kaella, who had not been satisfied with the amount of water she first drank, which barely moistened her lips, eagerly drank this water without refusal.

Since the physician said it was fine, she drank half a cup. After she drank, Peiron even wiped her mouth with a towel, then looked at her silently for a while before speaking.

“I’ve heard everything that happened.”

The maids from the Austine ducal family, who had barely eaten and cried a lot, testified in unison, “The young lady, no, Her Grace the Grand Duchess, clearly told the head maid that tour berries made her ill, but the head maid showed an extremely disrespectful attitude.”

To dismiss their testimony as lacking credibility because they were outsiders would be difficult, as there were more than a few who had witnessed the same scene at the banquet.

“It’s currently under investigation. I’ll make sure this never happens again.”

Kaella looked at him, then nodded a little late, softly saying “Yes” before falling silent.

“It should never have happened. I’m truly sorry, Kaella.”

“It’s alright.”

There was no emotion in her soft reply. It would have been better if she had gotten angry or cried.

Kaella shook her head and then lowered it again, seeming not to resent him. No, she looked as if she had no expectations at all.

Is this the reaction of a newly married noble lady, a gently raised princess who is nonetheless a member of the imperial family with great pride?

As Peiron looked at her with a troubled expression, one more word was added.

“It’s fine.”

Hearing “It’s fine” once again, Peiron felt his blood run cold. He had an ominous certainty that she would never again use the familiar old way of speaking with him.

“…Is that so.”

His forced voice barely came out.

“That’s good then.”

He nodded, unable to meet her eyes.

“Then rest. Don’t worry about anything else, just focus on recovery. If you need or want anything, call for me anytime.”

Kaella, who had none, looked curiously at Peiron as he rose from his seat. “Call for me anytime”? That man had never said such a thing. Why was he acting like this?

“You don’t know how worried His Grace was. For three days straight, no matter how much we told him to sleep, he didn’t sleep a wink and personally nursed you by your side.”

Mary chattered as soon as the Grand Duke left.

“It’s not ‘young lady’ but ‘Your Grace’ now, Mary.”

“Ah, right. Oh dear. I’m still so used to ‘young lady’ that I can’t quite adapt. I’m sorry. I’ll fix it right away.”

Mary slapped her own mouth. Watching this, Kaella smiled weakly. Cecil, who lightly scolded Mary before approaching, spoke softly as she tidied the table beside the bed.

“But Mary’s words are true, Your Grace. The Grand Duke was always here. Except for the occasional times he went out for the investigation, he was always sitting in this spot. He even personally wiped your face.”

Cecil, who had served the young noble lady between Austine and Klein, thought the noble lady had found a caring husband.

“He ordered that tour berries should never be brought into the castle. He even ordered all the tour berry trees growing nearby to be uprooted.”

Oh my. Kaella instinctively thought first about how much criticism she would receive for that order. How much disapproval would she face? How much blame? How much would they hate her?

It was an extremely harmful habit she had acquired in Lysenford. Kaella had become smaller and smaller here until eventually she was less than air or wind. Even a stationary vase received better treatment than her.

The methods became increasingly subtle, so that sometimes it was only after much later thought that she realized, ah, that was a mocking remark, and she had to soothe her aching heart. There were also kinds like at this banquet where they pushed aggressively.

She would have to hear such malicious taunts again. Well, it wasn’t anything new.

“That disrespectful head maid has been imprisoned. Don’t even worry about it, Your Grace.”

Kaella’s eyes widened at those words.

“Is that true?”

“Yes. Of course it is. It’s only right. The chef has been arrested too. I hear everyone who was disrespectful to Your Grace at the banquet has been arrested.”

That can’t be possible? Kaella recalled the formidable head maid who ruled over Lysenford Castle and refused to hand over all the storeroom keys to the young Grand Duchess until the very end.

She was someone who prided herself on personally raising Peiron, who was thrown here at just twelve years old. She was no different from Peiron’s wet nurse. And they arrested her?

“Why?”

“Heavens, why, you ask, young lady, no, Your Grace…! How dare she commit such disrespectful acts and forcefully make the sole heir of Duke Austine and the Emperor’s only niece eat! She should be beheaded immediately.”

“But I was the one who ate it.”

Cecil looked at Kaella with an expression that seemed to ask what had become of her.

“What are you saying? You didn’t eat it because you wanted to.”

Kaella avoided their gaze with a bewildered expression. That’s right. She didn’t eat it because she wanted to, but why did she end up defending that wicked head maid and the disrespectful northern nobles?

Ah. There are so many harmful habits.

*

Lysenford is poison to Kaella. The Grand Duke responsible for Lysenford knew this very well.

He had finally properly washed and shaved. Now that Kaella was awake, he didn’t want to show her an unkempt appearance. Wherever he went, he felt as if those clear eyes that held the sky were following him. He probably felt that way because he considered himself guilty.

“Regen.”

“Yes, Your Grace. Today too, all the imprisoned criminals are saying the same thing. So I was wondering if it might be better for you to rest? You haven’t slept properly for days, and you’ve barely eaten anything.”

“It’s fine as long as I’m not overdoing it. They keep saying the same thing?”

The secretary was full of worry, but Peiron cut him off and moved on to the main point.

“Yes, well… They’re saying it in a roundabout way, but it’s along the lines of ‘We didn’t know it would be that bad’ or ‘If it was that serious, shouldn’t Her Grace have not eaten it?’ They end with ‘We won’t do it again,’ but still.”

The closed-off Lysenford had a strong perception that weakness was bad and strength was good. Moreover, the knowledge that common food could be poison to some was not well known.

That would be the same in Klein too, but Klein and Austine were open to new things because outsiders often came in, while Lysenford was never like that.

Peiron understood why people who were constantly driven to fight evil dragons and struggle against harsh nature would be closed off. But some things, despite that, shouldn’t be overlooked.

It’s alright.

He had heard those words muttered while staring blankly into space so many times. Before the regression, and even after, that woman said the same thing. That it’s alright, so let’s forget about it, let’s move on as if it’s nothing.

Is it really alright?

“…I’ve let them live for too long.”

Peiron stopped walking. He thought about listening to their final testimony, to hear what they were blabbering about. No, that would be pointless.

“Execute the head maid as soon as the sun rises tomorrow.”