As If I've Never Loved - Chapter 62

“Pumpkin? What kind of name is that?”

“I’m not sure either. Everyone just calls her that. It’s probably a nickname. She has a playful and fun personality.”

“……”

It was right after Eloise finished speaking that Ansel’s transparent green-gray eyes suddenly turned stern.

‘Using such playfulness to lower one’s guard and approach is a worn-out tactic.’

Moreover, if a new woman at the factory was lovely enough to draw everyone’s attention. If she was pure enough to readily believe anything said……

“Ah, Pumpkin started working at the factory to follow her husband.”

“I see.”

At that moment, Ansel’s expression noticeably softened.

“I hope they continue to get along well.”

“…Indeed.”

As Eloise slightly tilted her head, not understanding, the meal began to be served.

Unfolding the pristine napkin handed to him by the maid, Ansel casually remarked,

“I guess cutting meat suited her aptitude more than expected.”

“Ah, well, fortunately that’s not the job I was assigned.”

“Then?”

“That job is……”

Eloise suddenly trailed off, gripping the utensils in front of her tightly before putting them back down.

It was an unnatural action, as the meal wasn’t even fully served yet.

She didn’t know why everything felt so embarrassing and shabby in front of him.

‘It’s definitely meaningful work. When I think about how the chickens I handle become warm dishes on people’s dinner tables……’

But it was also uncomfortable, in truth. Because the entire process of killing livestock and turning them into meat was a series of unclean and burdensome tasks.

It would be self-deception to say she wasn’t partaking in that uncomfortable process just because she didn’t directly take the animals’ lives or get blood on her hands.

As much as meat was an essential ingredient that couldn’t be left out of daily life, slaughtering and preparing animals was a necessary task.

That was an utterly obvious fact, and among people who took pride in that work, all of this was clearly no big deal. It was even somewhat enjoyable and fulfilling to a degree.

But in front of this beautiful and dignified man, Eloise just felt ugly and ashamed of herself for having come from a smelly workshop where she had spent all day plucking chicken feathers.

The fickleness of her attitude changing in an instant was beyond shallow.

Eloise crumpled the hem of her apron under the table and moved her lips that refused to part.

“I…… the chickens……”

How nice would it be if she could say she was working as a maid in an elegant noble mansion instead of some meat factory?

If she could say she had been assigned as a governess teaching noble children, how……

“Chickens, you say.”

“……”

“Do you take care of chickens? Petting them, feeding them.”

Picturing Eloise surrounded by plump chickens and chicks, Ansel chuckled and picked up his glass of water.

‘It seems to suit her too.’

Eloise, not even dreaming that he was having such a silly thought, felt her embarrassment grow a bit more at his laughter.

As if to hide that, she gently brushed her curly sideburns behind her ear and answered in a small voice,

“No, I pluck chicken feathers.”

“……”

At those words, Ansel’s face stiffened a little. His expression seemed somewhat innocent, like a child’s.

As if he had just learned for the first time that for chicken dishes to make it to the dinner table, someone had to catch the chickens, pluck their feathers, and prepare their innards.

‘…Well, I never had the opportunity to directly encounter that process either. Handling the meat was entirely Mitchell’s job.’

In that moment, Ansel’s deep, sunken voice broke the brief silence. It was a very concise and resolute statement.

“Quit.”

“……”

Eloise’s eyes grew wide, helplessly. She had been thinking how fortunate it was that there was no chicken dish on the table today.

Naturally, her eyes were filled with a clear sense of opposition.

“Lord Ansel.”

“I really don’t like you working there.”

“……”

“I brought you here in the first place because I didn’t want you to go through hardship.”

Eloise tried to argue back, but her lips were stuck together as if glued, refusing to part.

It was because the man sitting across from her had an extremely displeased look on his face. At times like this, her mind always went blank.

“If you chose to stay here of your own will, act like an adult. Don’t keep scratching at me, saying you’ll leave at the drop of a hat.”

“……”

“Don’t tell me you ignored and did as you pleased even to the owner of the house you lived in before? You can’t say you did that.”

“Back then……”

She indeed couldn’t deny it.

Because when Eloise was renting a room in Mrs. Mullitch’s house, she constantly strived not to go against the old lady’s temper.

She used the room given to her, paid the deposit as much as she demanded.

She ate the terrible meals provided by her without complaint and treated her ill-tempered cat affectionately.

Even when she occasionally couldn’t sleep due to the sound of arguments coming from the first floor, she just endured it instead of protesting.

In the end, she was even obediently kicked out.

‘Even though I was the victim, harassed by the lady’s son……’

On the other hand, it was true that she was relying on Ansel Blaine to a surprising degree, even to herself.

She had come into his house, not paying any deposit or rent, enjoying luxurious meals, and refusing the room he offered to use the one she wanted.

All for the sake of her own peace of mind.

Even if their relationship had no future, it was clear that Ansel Blaine currently held goodwill towards her.

Knowing that, she had thoroughly depended on that goodwill. That’s why Eloise had no way to refute his words even more.

In other words, it was her own fault for not rejecting him and running away from the beginning. All of this was due to her own naivety.

But Eloise was determined to leave Ansel Blaine. It was her genuine intention.

She just needed preparations to leave.

Someone might condemn it as an excuse, but because she had loved him for a long time, she simply couldn’t cut him off in an instant.

So for now, she needed to reassure him a little.

Ansel baring his teeth as if trying to control her was also ultimately because of the goodwill he held, and she couldn’t leave him right away either.

“Answer me, Eloise.”

Ansel recited in a chilly tone. His impatient gaze was extremely sharp.

The meal had been fully prepared on the table where candles were burning modestly, but it seemed they would be eating cold food for dinner tonight.

With that premonition, Eloise opened her mouth.

“Lord Ansel. If I upset you, I apologize. For not acting maturely as well.”

“Are you finally willing to listen to me now?”

The urgently asked voice seemed a bit damp. Eloise quietly shook her head.

“I won’t quit my job. I appreciate your consideration, but it’s not that arduous of a task. If it were truly arduous, I would have quit immediately. For example, if I had to get blood on my hands……”

Some filth got on her hands, but it wasn’t a lie anyway.

“I’m not as strong as you think, Lord Ansel.”

Eloise, who had ended her words rather shrewdly, gauged Ansel’s reaction.

He was silently clasping his hands as if lost in thought, but for some reason, blue veins were prominently bulging on the back of those hands.

After a brief silence, Ansel’s lips parted.

“I know you’re not strong too.”

With such a delicate body and a wildflower-like heart, you who grew up amidst all things soft and tender, how could you not be fragile? Not strong at all, yet only stubborn, it’s driving me crazy.

Of course, those words weren’t added. Ansel no longer wanted to clash emotionally with Eloise.

Therefore, even though the job she had taken on was more miserable than he had thought, he decided not to say any more.

Now, there was only one thing he desired. To change her mind before she could gradually lay the groundwork to leave this place according to her own stubbornness.

And eventually make her acknowledge love.

It didn’t matter whether she hadn’t realized it yet or was trying hard to hide it.

In the first place, if it wasn’t love, there would be no other reason for her to stay here.

Unless she had a hobby of giving false hope to a pitiful man.

Having sorted out his thoughts, he continued.

“But regardless of the job not being arduous, I don’t quite understand why it has to be that specific job.”

“I told you it was a job introduced by my previous workplace. I’ll do my best at it, if only to repay their kindness. The people there are nice too.”

“Yes, those people are the problem.”

Ansel’s voice suddenly turned cold.

“There can’t be only three women working together, right?”

“Uh……”

So is he being jealous right now?

As Eloise blinked blankly, Ansel muttered in a low voice,

“Don’t tell me even the jobs involving bloodshed are handled by women? Slaughtering isn’t easy with ordinary strength.”

“Ah, no! In the first place, there aren’t that many women.”

“So.”

Flashing his glass-like transparent eyes, he abruptly whispered as if asking,

“Shall I find you one? A new job.”

“……”

“Something that suits you better. I think I can look into it to that extent without borrowing the power of my family.”

When Eloise just gazed at him without answering, he let out another damp voice.

With a flawlessly arrogant face, as if pleading……

“Don’t be stubborn. Okay? Please let me help you.”

Eloise trembled at the voice flowing into her ears, as if it would melt them. The tips of her toes felt numb for no reason.