As If I've Never Loved - Chapter 56

“You’re driving me crazy right now.”

“…I just want to be diligent in my new job. When did I ever…”

“Why are you volunteering for such a lowly job? You’re going to let me watch you being driven into that situation after bringing you to my house?”

“…”

Eloise felt an uncontrollably miserable feeling at his sharp words.

So in the end, it seemed he simply couldn’t bear the fact that someone staying in his house was doing a ‘lowly’ job.

But how many jobs would there be that didn’t feel lowly in the eyes of the heir to a noble military family, other than that great military job?

Eloise, who had quietly taken a deep breath, straightened her hunched shoulders and lifted her small chin.

She had not learned aristocratic etiquette, but within the cozy confines of the Bailey family, there was a graceful queen, and she always said this to her daughters:

‘Do not let anyone disrespect you for any reason. You are my treasures. If you meet someone who disrespects you, rather puff out your chest and hold your head up high.’

Having finished her thought, Eloise spoke in a composed manner.

“There’s a misunderstanding. Unlike you, I have no reason to live nobly. Because my life has never been like that for a single moment. And it never will be.”

“…”

“That day when I swam frantically in the lake, not even noticing my clothes getting wet, it may have been just a single escape for you, but for me, that was life. A life of running through fields and rolling with ducks on the mud. Do you understand? We live in different worlds. So why do you expect me to follow your standards?”

Only after she finished speaking did Ansel draw in the breath he had been holding.

Her two eyes, which held the light from the table, had somehow deepened and were flickering like blue flames.

It wasn’t something like the sorrow of someone who had never experienced a splendid and dignified life. It was a straightforward resentment.

Eloise loved the world she belonged to.

Ansel also loved her unstained world and gaze. So it would be contradictory to criticize the work she had chosen for herself.

When he thought about the fact that he would not stop loving her no matter what work she did, it was an easy story.

So in the end, wasn’t he just angry at the fact that she wasn’t hesitating to do tough work in order to leave this place as soon as possible?

Even a dog that had lost a fight wouldn’t feel this miserable and pathetic.

“…If I hurt your feelings, I apologize.”

At the unexpected cool apology, Eloise’s eyes naturally widened.

No matter what, she had been too rude to him, who had shown her kindness and was even an aristocrat.

Of course, Ansel still didn’t look comfortable saying that, but Eloise decided not to mind.

“It’s okay. If you’ve finally decided to respect me, please support me. Because it’s true that I’m nervous about the new job.”

“Hmph.”

Ansel let out a breath like smoke, as if he was distressed.

Why can’t this woman stay comfortably under my protection? Why can I not help but love this woman?

They say that putting a wild rose in a vase doesn’t make it not a wildflower, but…

‘If they’re factory workers, most of them will be men.’

He was anxious. Naturally, the meal was already out of his mind. Ansel, who had put down the tableware he had never even brought to his mouth, continued.

“If it’s a meat factory, what kind of work will you be doing there?”

“I don’t know yet. I’ll have to go and talk to them.”

“If they ask you to kill a living cow and turn it into meat, could you do it?”

“…That’s…”

She hated looking weak and being disrespected, but she couldn’t calmly lie either.

Slaughter. Even the bold Eloise didn’t have that much courage. It wasn’t something she could affirm even with a lie.

“I’m not confident about that, but I don’t think I’ll be assigned to do that. I heard the women workers there do separate tasks.”

“If not slaughter, what, are you saying you can at least chop up livestock that was alive until just now? Since it’s already become a chunk of meat?”

“That…”

“Even after the slaughter, the warmth will remain for a while. Can you really do it?”

Eloise was startled by Ansel’s words, but at the same time, she felt a strange sense of competitiveness at his attitude, as if he was waiting to hear her declaration of giving up.

“What else can I do? It’s a job someone has to do anyway. If I really can’t do it, I’ll ask the factory for understanding and be assigned to a different task, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll have to find another job.”

“Ha…”

Ansel would rather send her as a maid to a place he knew.

However, it was questionable whether she would welcome a job obtained so easily, and in the first place, the maids of the noble houses in the capital had a basic background and level of education.

Even if he recommended her and had her work, there was no guarantee that the other maids wouldn’t bully Eloise, who had come from a small village in the southern part of the kingdom.

While lost in such thoughts, she added a word.

“I’ll find out what kind of work I’ll be assigned tomorrow. I decided to go there right away tomorrow.”

“…What’s the rush?”

“Because I can’t stay here forever.”

Again. Those stubborn eyes that absolutely won’t back down on this part.

How much more of these cruel words does he have to hear right in front of him?

Ansel, who had been swallowing with a tired face, simply closed his eyes. His low voice continued.

“So where is this great factory located?”

Eloise’s eyes narrowed.

Showing a displeased look and then asking for the factory address? There was no way he wouldn’t go to the factory and try to make it so she had no choice but to quit.

Because he had that much power and reputation.

“I have no intention of telling you.”

“Ha, do you think I asked you because I can’t find that out?”

Ansel retorted in a malicious tone. It was as if he was suffering from a neurosis.

“…Still, I have no intention of saying it myself. If you’re thinking of following me, believe that it’s not only unbecoming of a nobleman, but also a gloomy deed. Surely a gentleman like you wouldn’t do such a thing.”

Did she have to bare her claws this much? He didn’t want to hurt her, he just wanted to give her love.

A sense of futility came out as a low sigh.

Ansel, who had messed up his neatly combed hair with his hand, opened his mouth.

“I’m going to pick you up every evening. Because the way back might be dangerous.”

“What? That’s ridiculous!”

When Eloise was shocked, he calmly added.

“What’s there that can’t be done? When I can’t go, I can send a subordinate.”

“That’s not it!”

Eloise clenched her two fists on the table, causing the tableware on the plate to rattle.

“I don’t want to stand out. In a group like a factory, rumors can’t spread.”

“What rumors.”

“It’s strange for a man in a military officer’s uniform to come pick me up every day. There might be people who recognize you on the way back home… I have no intention of going home with you, and I have no intention of acknowledging you outside the mansion. If it becomes known that an unmarried man and woman are living under the same roof, I—”

“Then let’s get married. I’ll forget about my family lineage as it is.”

Ansel recited words that even he himself couldn’t believe. And with a very sound mind, in the calmest way possible.

“…If you say something like that again, I’ll leave here right away, job or not.”

“Gosh, why…”

Why are you baring your fangs like this? Do you think I’m not serious? That marriage would be just words because of the difference in status?

Even if she thought that way, it wouldn’t be incomprehensible, but for Ansel, there was a considerably unfair aspect.

Because he had imagined the moment of taking Eloise as his wife for an incalculable amount of time, which he could now boldly say was most of his life.

However, before he could add another word, Eloise dismissed his thoughts.

“I think I’ve had enough conversation for today. I’m tired, but finishing the meal is my role, so I’ll go up when I’m done.”

Eloise, who had answered like that, finally grasped the silver tableware.

The young veal dish, baked golden brown, was already covered in white with solidified grease.

‘Even after the slaughter, the warmth will remain for a while. Can you really do it?’

If it were like usual, she would have been disappointed that the meat dish had cooled down, but now, this was rather fortunate. Ridiculously so.

“Thanks for the meal.”

Eloise put force into the knife.

Even if she was afraid of tomorrow coming, what could she do? For her, it was a life she had to willingly endure.

“Dear Mom, Dad, and Sally,

Have you seen the trees already beginning to change their clothes? There aren’t as many maple trees here as in Maebury. It must be much more beautiful there, right?

I’ve been so busy every day since arriving in the capital that I’m only now writing a letter. Somehow it’s always like this. I guess this clumsy personality of mine won’t change until I’m a grandmother.

By the way, I have good news. I got an even better job with the recommendation of the factory manager. Mrs. Mullitch was happy for me too.

She even prepared a fancy dinner and gave me an incredibly pretty and sweet dessert. It was really elaborate and beautiful. At first, I didn’t even know it was food.

I’m going to visit the new place I’ll be working at tomorrow right away. I really can’t stand the curiosity. I’ll get a detailed explanation tomorrow, so I’ll talk about that in the next letter.

In other words, everything is going smoothly and comfortably. Is this what they call heaven smiling upon me? Maybe I’m cut out for the capital. I can’t help but laugh when I think about how I was worrying and couldn’t sleep in the carriage.

I hope peace dwells with everyone in the beloved Bailey family.

With eternal affection,

Eloise.

P.S. You don’t have to send a reply! I’ll be writing a new letter soon anyway.”