As If I've Never Loved - Chapter 50

“Alright.”

But the answer that came back was somehow a little softer.

“Then can I entrust you with a task? I happen to have something suitable.”

“What is it?”

When Eloise asked nervously, Ansel gave a relaxed answer.

“To have dinner with me. Here, at this time every day. It also includes being my conversation partner.”

“…What kind of task is that? It’s just forcing me.”

Eloise frowned helplessly and retorted as if arguing. However, Ansel still had a calm face.

His broad shoulders, covered in a thin dress shirt, rose and fell lightly.

“Eating alone is quite unexciting. Since leaving the family, I have no one else to talk to.”

In fact, Ansel Blaine was unnecessarily taciturn and disliked when someone talked to him.

As Eloise, who had no way of knowing that fact, had a pensive face, Ansel added a word while leaning back against the backrest.

“The guilt of disappointing the family weighs heavily on my shoulders, and the work that needs to be done is endless day by day. At this rate, there’s no joy at all, and everything is gradually becoming overwhelming.”

“Is that so…”

He had a nonchalant face, but his words sounded very serious.

Swallowing dry saliva, Eloise parted her lips with difficulty.

“Even if it’s just a conversation partner, what can I say to a military officer…”

“Anything. For example, what happened today, what dream you had last night. Stories from your childhood are also good.”

“…”

“I don’t want to be treated like a soldier even in my own home.”

Her small lips seemed to mumble as if to refute again. Noticing that, Ansel spoke leisurely.

“It’s a very important issue for me. It means the task you will take on in exchange for staying here is a great responsibility. It’s not that difficult for that, is it?”

“Sir, it’s not that it’s difficult, but…”

“It’s okay if you fall asleep like today. You will be able to wake up to the sound of me coming back and changing clothes. My room is very close to the room you will be staying in.”

At those words, Eloise blinked blankly.

As if trying to confirm if she had interpreted what she just heard correctly. But still unsure, she decided to ask directly.

“What does that mean?”

“Didn’t the maid give you a room?”

“That’s the guest room…”

“Yes, you can use that. Anyway, there’s no chance of guests coming to this house, except for you.”

Eloise wanted to say that the room was too much for her, but there was a more important issue at the moment.

“So the room right across…”

“Is my bedroom.”

Ansel’s smooth chin moved lightly. As if kindly pointing it out again. Gazing deeply at Eloise, who had turned pale, he added in a gentle tone.

“It would be nice if we could exchange morning greetings, but I don’t expect that since I leave for work early. So you can sleep in as much as you want.”

“…”

Eloise was too startled to continue speaking.

‘Just living under the same roof was already overwhelming enough…’

Even if she had come to live in Fairmont House following her elder sister who had become Ansel’s wife, just the thought of accidentally running into him in the hallway or garden, regardless of where his room was, would have made her heart race all day.

But to have Ansel’s bedroom beyond her room.

Just one door away from the space where he sleeps and wakes up!

‘That’s… too…’

It seemed like she would be able to hear even the small noises he made. For example, the sound of him sleep-talking like a child, or something else…

‘…No, this can’t be. Absolutely not.’

Feeling a slight dizziness, Eloise unknowingly covered her lips.

This was absurd. Of course, he would also be able to sense the movements she made.

Even though this was the capital of the kingdom, when the dark night came, everything became as quiet as the bottom of a deep lake.

‘What if he accidentally opens the door and comes in while half-asleep?’

The moment the thought reached that point, Eloise’s eyes closed tightly.

“Eloise?”

“…Okay.”

As if she had sorted out her mind, Eloise let out a faint breath and lifted her soft, wheat-colored eyelashes with all her might.

“I’ll do it. Having dinner together and being your conversation partner isn’t difficult. I don’t know if I can be a satisfactory conversation partner though.”

“You don’t have to worry about that.”

You’re already doing well. Even if you just breathe here, I’ll be satisfied. Thinking that, Ansel smiled leisurely, and at that moment, Eloise spoke.

“But I’ll use the attic as my room.”

“What?”

As Ansel’s solid upper body abruptly leaned forward, the candle on the table trembled.

His gaze, stretched out long, had somehow narrowed like the tip of a knife. The composure he had shown until now was nowhere to be seen.

“There was an attic. I saw it before you came.”

“…Are you joking? That’s not a room, it’s a storage space. I’m not so stingy as to let you sleep in the dust.”

Even though it was clear he thought it was absurd, he answered calmly with only a slight frown. Not raising his voice was probably a virtue as a nobleman.

Encouraged by that consideration, Eloise opened her mouth again.

“I’m quite confident in cleaning. I’ve been cleaning my room myself since I was young. There is someone who helps with the housework, but they often clean up my precious pebbles or feathers without knowing they’re important…”

Naturally suppressing the words that those trivial objects were precious because they were collected together with him, Eloise swiftly continued.

“I’ll clean it up neatly and use it. Anyway, once I find a job, I’ll hardly stay in the room except for sleeping, so it’s fine.”

And I’ve always wanted to live in an attic for once. Ansel said in a dumbfounded tone at the voice that calmly added.

“I’d like to give you a chance to understand the psychology of climbing up to a dusty attic when there’s a decent room available.”

Eloise couldn’t help but know that those words were a very elegant way of rejection.

Although she knew nothing about the way of speaking in noble society, there was no mercy in his expression, cold as if carved from white marble.

However, Eloise had no intention of backing down.

“If you don’t allow it, I’ll leave here right away.”

“Ha.”

Along with a deep sigh, Ansel’s adam’s apple quietly moved up and down as he brushed back his jet-black hair. A low voice that seemed to be holding back something continued.

“Are you going home?”

“I can’t go home. Not yet.”

“Then.”

“Well, first… I’ll have to look for a place that will take care of my situation. There might be a job that pays in advance or a room that doesn’t require a deposit. There seem to be quite a few kind people in the capital.”

There’s no way. Ansel’s hand gripped the glass filled with wine tightly.

Her every word touched his nerves. It was to the point where he wondered if she was deliberately provoking him.

If she wasn’t going to be under his protection here, he wanted to send her back to Maybery even by force.

At least there, she wouldn’t be a stranger. So at the very least, there wouldn’t be men who would grope her with dirty eyes filled with curiosity, right?

It was obvious that Eloise Bailey still thought of herself as just the village’s tomboy girl.

She seemed to have no awareness of how beautifully she had grown to the point of making him anxious.

Otherwise, she couldn’t casually say such naive things.

Ansel’s patience was already at its limit just by not asking what had happened during the time he couldn’t find her.

“What’s the reason you want to stay in the capital so badly?”

“…I don’t really want to answer that.”

Ansel almost shattered the glass he was holding. He had a history of breaking a glass for the same reason before.

Quietly putting down the glass that was half-filled with alcohol, he tilted his head slightly and looked at Eloise.

‘Why. Are you trying to find your marriage partner here?’

The moment their gazes perfectly overlapped, a vulgar and obsessive emotion rose up to his throat.

However, Ansel suppressed it with superhuman reason.

It took a long time to meet again and bring her here.

He had to endure it because he couldn’t lose her again by scaring her.

‘Until I can have you completely.’

The bones protruding over his tightly clenched fist were unusually white.

“I don’t know what illusion you have, but this place isn’t as beautiful as you think.”

“I know.”

“I’m telling you to stay inside the house as much as possible. If you happen to meet a stranger, ignore them. That goes without saying if it’s a man, but even if it’s a woman, don’t let your guard down.”

It’s like treating a child. Eloise suddenly had that thought.

Was it because of the neat tone that didn’t reveal any emotions? She didn’t really feel worry or anxiety in his voice.

His words just felt like a habitual charity.

“I already know things like that, Sir Ansel. That’s why I said I’ll leave here as soon as I find a place to stay.”

Eloise, gripped by an inexplicable defiance, answered in a spirited tone.

“Although it may seem to you that I haven’t changed much since I was young, I’ve grown up too.”

“…”

No. You’ve changed completely. When you were young, I didn’t feel like going crazy to this extent.

Naturally, instead of revealing such true feelings, Ansel swallowed them inside his throat. A flat voice continued.

“Yes, I got it.”

At that composed voice, Eloise finally felt relieved.

Feeling pride in her own negotiation skills, she smiled quite satisfactorily.

The food on the table no longer emitted steam, but it seemed like they could comfortably continue the meal now.

Eloise picked up the utensils again, completely unaware that the man in front of her had taken a step back for fear of losing her again, and unaware of what emotion was lurking at the bottom of his heart.

And so, the first dinner of the two began again.