As If I've Never Loved - Chapter 45

Ansel’s eyes looking up at her were deeply distant. It seemed as if she would be completely swallowed up by that gaze.

“…What do you mean…?”

In an instant, Eloise’s heart pounded violently as she realized that the distance between him and her was close enough to feel each other’s breath.

Her anxious breaths scattered haphazardly amidst the rushing tension.

Eloise was well aware of how conservative and stubborn his family was.

To begin with, he and she were not even lovers, let alone a married couple. There was no way to guess what he was thinking to bring up such nonsense.

The night he confessed his love to her still remained a vivid memory. And that night, Eloise had left him in the darkness and ran away.

It would be a fantasy if Ansel’s feelings had not changed at all since that day.

Feeling a slight dizziness, Eloise countered.

“What are you talking about now?”

“I said if you have nowhere to go, stay under my protection.”

“……”

Eloise could not read any emotion in his voice.

She had no idea what this man had been thinking since that day. In fact, she had no room to fathom Ansel’s thoughts.

So the heart of Ansel Blaine, who was now looking down at her with bright eyes, just felt distant.

Like a long-gone summer that she didn’t even know existed anymore.

“That’s ridiculous. How could I—”

“No need to be flustered. It’s a place where I live alone.”

“That’s not the issue!”

Eloise glared at him at the incredibly nonchalant answer. His composed voice continued.

“From that day on, I also left home.”

“…What did you say?”

“Didn’t I already tell you? I left everything behind and came.”

He leisurely gazed at Eloise’s face that had turned pale at those words, as if he was appreciating it.

Then, as if he could no longer pretend not to notice, he used his hand to tidy the disheveled light brown hair on the forehead of the woman with a dumbfounded expression.

Even with the gentle touch of sweeping her hair behind her ears, Eloise was frozen in shock.

Her mind was busy grasping at past memories.

Clearly that night, in the rain, he had said he left everything behind and came. But hasn’t it been more than two months already?

‘So you haven’t been able to go back all this time? You said your family was everything…. Then did you become a soldier for a living?’

It was obvious what labor for a living would mean to him.

Even her mother, who was the daughter of a viscount and had once been on the fringes of high society but had never been an aristocrat, occasionally suffered from neurosis for fear of having to work for a living.

What was clear was that Ansel Blaine had abandoned the marriage his family had allowed.

It was evident that it was an action against the will of his family.

The moment she realized again that she was the cause of that horrendous incident, regardless of her own will, Eloise wished she could just faint like this.

“…Are you pressuring me now? Are you trying to give me the same pain?”

When Eloise asked with a bloodless face, Ansel laughed lowly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Doesn’t this situation not bother you at all? Are you going to turn your back on your family forever like this?”

“It doesn’t seem like you’re the one to say that, does it?”

“……”

Of course, she knew well that she was in no position to worry about him.

However, she couldn’t just watch Ansel, who had never strayed from the path given to him all his life, blatantly deviating from the right path.

Eloise loved Ansel Blaine’s uprightness.

The fact that it was none other than herself who had stirred him up gave her an agonizing pain, like putting her feet in a burning fire.

Feeling as if her toes were slowly burning away, her lips were parched.

“What about the heir! You’re the only legitimate son of the family…. Please don’t do anything you’ll regret, okay? This isn’t like you….”

“Eloise.”

The moment the gentle voice called her name, her breath was swallowed helplessly.

“That shouldn’t be a problem, I think? It just so happens that my mother is pregnant.”

“That….”

“Oh, by the way, it’s not my birth mother. My birth mother passing away was the reason I ended up going to Longfield.”

Eloise’s lips closed tightly. The words that she didn’t want such an answer were also swallowed up.

It was the first time she had heard that Ansel’s mother had passed away a long time ago. Her light-colored eyes trembled slightly under her pale eyelashes.

How could he have kept such a fact hidden for so long? Ansel at that time was just a small child.

Was it perhaps because his eyes sparkled so much that they held an immense sadness?

“Is that enough of an answer?”

When she was contemplating whether to offer him belated words of condolence, Ansel whispered softly.

“Then stop being so stubborn.”

“……”

“You shouldn’t have caught my eye looking like this in the first place. Right?”

A thorn-like shiver ran down her spine at the captivating low voice that was suffocating.

Even though it was the same tone as when he was young, it was completely different. To Eloise, this whole situation was simply dizzying.

An unmarried man and woman living together. It was something that would not escape criticism from not only family but anyone.

There was no place in this kingdom that would tolerate such absurdity. The capital, Brightnum, was no exception either.

Moreover, Eloise had come here not to meet Ansel Blaine, but to forget him.

It was all too clear that there was no hope or future between him and her.

Although they were in conflict now, he would eventually return to his family. Someone who had lived nobly all his life could not continue working forever.

So it was meaningless from the beginning to ask if the feelings he had confessed to her that day in the rain were still the same.

To put it bluntly, he was probably trying to enjoy a momentary amusement right now. It would be an excessive leap to think that he had come to torment or take revenge on her.

Apart from the fact that his sudden words to come into the house were shocking, the proof was that she did not feel any particular malice from him.

“Why.”

Then Ansel, who had picked up the luggage bag, looked down at Eloise, who was hesitating, at an angle.

“Do you still have something to say?”

She had to utter words of refusal, but the moment their eyes met, Eloise lost all her will.

Because his eyes were so beautiful. At least those pupils were still the same as Ansel’s from his childhood days.

But it wasn’t just for that reason.

If only that had been the case… Eloise, who was so exhausted that she felt like she would collapse at any moment, wanted to lean on him now.

She couldn’t shake off the ardent desire to rest comfortably in his shade.

“I….”

In fact, from the moment she had laid eyes on Ansel, who had found her crying in a corner of the square, she had felt that way all along.

As if the pain he had inflicted on her family was already nothing.

Eloise, who was despicable beyond compare.

“Ugh….”

When their gazes intertwined deeply once again, her trembling hand covered her lips. How could this not be a fantasy?

His presence, which always gave her both longing and guilt, felt only cruel.

Eloise was trying hard to hold back the urge to scream.

It would have been better to go crazy.

“Why are you crying again?”

“……”

“I can’t know if you don’t say anything.”

A faint sigh was mixed in with the low, scattering voice.

It was when a gloved hand approached as if to caress her tear-soaked cheek.

“Captain.”

A voice that suddenly rang out stopped Ansel. It was before his hand could touch Eloise.

“I think you should hurry back. There was a call from the scene….”

“Tsk.”

Ansel, who clicked his tongue softly, approached his subordinate standing at the entrance of the alley and handed over the luggage bag he was holding.

Looking back, there was a woman trembling slightly in the shade he had created.

Ha. He sighed lowly and silently took off his jacket. Soon, the delicate shoulders were covered with a dark-colored military uniform like an evening forest.

A distinct scent of bergamot filled her lungs. It felt like a comforting touch.

“Since you are my guest who has come from afar, I will take you to my house. Quietly.”

“If you mean your house, the viscount’s residence….”

“No. The private residence.”

At that, the subordinate bowed his head as if he understood.

The hand that had approached to wipe away her tears, as if it had been a lie, Ansel recited in a flat voice as he stood in a straight posture facing her.

“I need to go urgently. My subordinate will guide you, so unpack your luggage and rest at my house. I will return as soon as the work is done, without being late.”

The cold and disciplined tone made her realize once again that the man in front of her was someone who worked for the military.

On the other hand, it was a low voice that sounded heartless.

“See you then.”

“……”

However, in his eyes that she looked up at blankly, there was an emotion more fierce than flames.

That gaze seemed to tighten her heart. The moment Eloise let out a thin breath, he turned his body.

“Shall we go then?”

Eloise, who had completely forgotten that his subordinate was standing next to her, as her mind was so distracted, was startled and turned her head.

In the meantime, the broad back wearing a shirt had moved far away, but still, his scent remained vivid.

Nothing was a fantasy.