As If I've Never Loved - Chapter 32

No secret lasts forever, but some secrets are revealed in as little as a day.

The fact that Sarah Bailey’s fiancé, who disappeared like a lie on their wedding day, had actually returned to the capital the day before was spread outside the mansion by the thoughtless maids of Fairmont House.

People were deeply shocked, as it had only been a short while since the grand ball at Fairmont House.

It was because the affectionate appearance shown by Ansel Blaine and the eldest daughter of the Bailey family that day was still vivid in their minds.

People clearly remembered not only how flawlessly beautiful their dance was, but also how magnificent the central hall of the mansion was, and how the tall crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling sparkled.

If the celebration party was like that, the actual wedding would have been incomparably splendid.

Moreover, didn’t even Lady Talbot, a close friend of Ansel, personally visit that day to bless their love?

This must have meant that the joyous occasion was known even in the capital’s social circles.

But for that marriage to shatter to pieces overnight. What a dramatic downfall!

Wherever two or more people gathered in Mayberly and Longfield, this was invariably the topic of conversation.

Although no one was happy about this broken engagement news, except for Mrs. Pullum who secretly envied Mrs. Bailey, it was true that this scandal was a rare and overly stimulating event in the quiet countryside.

People buzzed that the old earl’s grandson must have planned the broken engagement from the beginning.

The story was that he fell in love with a divorced woman and intentionally caused problems to protest against his family’s opposition.

Ansel, who had become the black sheep of the family, defiantly returned to the capital where his lover was, and people said he must have already fled with her.

In that story, Sarah was an ill-fated woman who lost everything in an instant.

Ansel’s disappearance, as if he had evaporated since that day, gave more strength to the hypothesis.

Some people chattered that Ansel fell in love with the innocent country girl Sarah at first sight and proposed, but discovered a flaw she was hiding some time later.

Considering how he focused all attention with a splendid courtship and then broke the engagement as if running away, that flaw must not have been an ordinary one.

This kind of speculation was usually followed by crude gossip.

The eldest daughter of the Bailey family was a well-known beauty in the village, so at least outwardly, there was no cause for disqualification.

So her defect must be a very intimate one, not visible to the eye…

“I don’t care.”

Unlike her family, who were outraged by the increasingly bizarre rumors, Sarah, the person directly involved, was calm.

It wouldn’t be strange if she stopped eating and drinking and cried day and night, but she was already ready to go out. It was a Sunday morning with light rain.

“Rumors are just rumors.”

“My dear, but what if someone says something terrible to you…?”

“Even so, I can’t hide forever. It’s not like we committed a crime.”

Outside the gate, wherever you went, it was noisy with this surprising broken engagement news, and Mrs. Pullum diligently created opportunities for false rumors to spread, as if pouring oil on a fire to spread the flames.

Mrs. Bailey did not want to throw herself into the fire.

She had no hobby of tormenting herself, and in the first place, the psychology of people who like other people’s stories, especially their unfortunate stories, was obvious.

However, what Sarah said was not wrong either. They couldn’t hide forever.

Moreover, if they didn’t confront it directly, the rumors would brazenly grow in size. And in an absurd and terrible direction.

After brief contemplation, Mrs. Bailey decided to go to church as always.

After all, they had to live here for the rest of their lives. Hiding was not the solution, and they were not well-off enough to move to an area without ties due to an unsavory incident.

“… Yes. You’re right. Those who whisper behind our backs are cowards who can’t say anything to our faces. Right?”

Mrs. Bailey, who had intended to take only her husband to avoid sending Sarah alone, changed her mind and grimly pulled off her nightcap.

“Mrs., could you come here and help me prepare? We need to go to church.”

“Take your time preparing, dear! The pastor won’t notice even if we slip in during the sermon.”

Mr. Bailey, who smiled brightly at his wife with a visibly tense appearance, silently turned his head towards his eldest daughter sitting in front of the piano.

“Sally, what about Elsie?”

“She seems to want to rest some more.”

“Hmm…”

Mr. Bailey was about to say something but stopped and scratched the back of his head. Sarah’s calm voice continued.

“I thought she had recovered, but it seems she still has some lingering cold symptoms. She had a slight fever this morning.”

“Yes, I see… In that case, the best thing is to rest well.”

“I already asked Mrs. Mitchell to prepare some warm soup.”

When Sarah said that, Mr. Bailey nodded, and an awkward silence followed for a moment.

“Do you have something to say to me, Father?”

“Ah, well…”

Except for the occasional light rain hitting the window, the living room was quiet with no one present but the father and daughter.

As Mr. Bailey struggled to continue, Sarah slightly moved on the long chair to make room for her father.

“Sit here.”

“Ah, yes. Thank you.”

Hesitantly sitting down, Mr. Bailey looked at the piano cover with a faint layer of dust and thought.

The last time the sound of the piano resounded in the house was probably…

‘Come to think of it, I haven’t heard her play since the day Eloise left home.’

The family, who had unexpectedly suffered the misfortune of a broken engagement, was clearly trying, but it took time for wounds to heal. Especially for bigger wounds.

That fact weighed particularly heavily on Jeremiah, the head of the Bailey family, as expected.

“I’m sorry, Sally.”

Sarah, who had been precocious since childhood, grew into a fine lady as if to meet everyone’s expectations.

Mr. Bailey was proud of his eldest daughter, but at the same time, he always felt sorry.

Sarah replied in a gentle tone.

“There’s no need to apologize to me. We were just a little… unlucky.”

“My dear…”

At that quiet and firm answer, Mr. Bailey’s voice trembled miserably. He continued, lowering his gaze.

“I burdened you young ones because I was lacking. Your mother must be very worried too… Even when I try to settle things somehow, it doesn’t go as I wish… All of this happened because of me. I’m truly sorry, my dear.”

“… Because of you, Father? That can’t be true.”

“Yes, as you said, we were unlucky. That’s not wrong either. But if only I hadn’t made that mistake in the past, it would have been a misfortune we could laugh off…”

“…”

In the heart of Mr. Bailey, who always had a smiling face like a silly person, there was actually a heavy sense of guilt.

Not only did he fail to keep his pre-marriage promise to his wife to make her happy for life, but he also made his daughters accustomed to the pressure of having to take responsibility for the family.

“I’ll try harder. I know it’s just words each time and I have no face to say it, but I’ll be able to smile readily even if you say you don’t want to get married anymore…”

“It’s alright, Father. I know well that you work harder than anyone for us.”

“… Sob.”

At those kind words, Mr. Bailey sobbed with tears welling up in his eyes.

Although it might be a bit noisy for a while, he didn’t think Sarah’s marital prospects were completely blocked.

In the capital, it was common for women to marry in their thirties, and Sarah was only twenty-four.

Moreover, she possessed a pure beauty as if she had stepped out of a painting, and her heart was as lovely as a flower.

Above all, Sarah had a firm view of marriage.

She never revealed it first, like a modest lady, but she was rather proactive when it came to marriage. Even if it stemmed from the family’s circumstances.

Mr. Bailey swallowed a quiet sigh.

‘Sally might already be thinking of finding a new marriage partner…’

It was possible that Sarah, his profound eldest daughter, had concluded that she should have a wedding as soon as possible.

The only weapon a daughter from an unremarkable family has is her youth, and its value decreases day by day. His daughters must have heard this terrible common sense ad nauseam.

“You don’t have to worry. I won’t cause you concern by being unable to marry.”

Naturally, what Sarah’s father was worried about was not such a problem. Mr. Bailey sniffled and wiped the corners of his eyes.

“When he came to court you, sob, I was fooled so easily, like an idiot.”

“…”

“I was just stupidly excited that I could send my daughter to a good family, and babbled on about how great it was… If only I could go back to that time, I would never…”

“Father, you have to go to church.”

As her father’s crying intensified, startled Sarah offered a handkerchief.

At that moment, Mr. Bailey added in a sobbing voice.

“My dear, did you love Earl Ansel?”

“…”

“I’m not crying because you might not be able to get married. My heart just feels like it’s being torn apart thinking about how you, more precious than gold, must have suffered alone. My poor daughter…”

Sarah did not reply at all. She just quietly covered her father’s trembling hand with her own.