As If I've Never Loved - Chapter 26

However, Bianca, who had been quietly observing the two, soon felt a strange sense of discomfort.

‘…Huh?’

That feeling was even quite obvious.

At first, she thought it was just her judgment clouded by jealousy, but Bianca quickly realized that her intuition was not wrong.

‘Could it be that I’m the only one who noticed?’

Meanwhile, the surroundings were in an uproar with praise for the beautiful couple who would be married in a few days.

Bianca unknowingly furrowed her brow.

She had been watching Ansel for a long time, dreaming of being his wife from a very close distance. So she, at least, couldn’t not know.

His manner of leading his partner with impeccable manners made them appear like a perfect couple at a glance, but…

‘He doesn’t love her.’

He had the same look in his eyes as when he dealt with herself, a long-time friend.

She, at least, couldn’t not know. The fact that there wasn’t even a semblance of love in those eyes.

‘…Ansel, what are you thinking?’

Bianca, holding her breath in confusion, took a small step back.

It was because her premonition that she would be able to understand something if she saw the two of them directly had spectacularly missed the mark.

However, it was truly ironic that at the same time, she felt as if she had discovered a light in the abyss.

It’s common sense that a marriage undertaken without feelings is difficult to sustain for long.

Above all, if he could get married with just this level of emotion…

‘Then there’s no reason why I can’t become his second wife.’

Bianca, who had gained an unexpected harvest, smiled with her blue eyes half-closed.

The first dance was already nearing its end.

Eloise, who had returned after finishing work, threw herself onto the bed without even thinking of having dinner or changing clothes.

It was because she was so exhausted that she didn’t even have the strength to lift a finger.

“Wow… It feels like I’m sinking into the ground with the bed.”

Eloise muttered in a weak voice. Her whole body was completely worn out.

Still, was it better than yesterday when she had intended to lie down and rest for a moment before going down for dinner, but ended up sleeping until morning?

“Hah, what’s better about this.”

Is it okay to live like this? Every morning, waking up from sleep in a daze, walking for a long time through gloomy streets to reach the factory, staring at threads and beads all day long like a nail stuck in place, and when evening comes, dragging her wobbling legs back home and jumping onto the bed…

‘Tomorrow will be another day like this. And the day after. And the day after that.’

As her thoughts reached that point, another heavy sigh escaped her.

Of course, it couldn’t be okay to continue this kind of life, but just as she was about to rack her brains to find a suitable excuse…

“…Sally?”

The sound of Mrs. Mullitch’s ill-tempered cat meowing could be heard from outside the door.

“Sorry, Sally. I don’t have the strength to open the door. But even if I did open it for you, you’d just glare at me as if I’m pathetic and then quickly go downstairs. Do you find that fun?”

In response, the cat mewed something in a disgruntled tone.

It was quite amusing that despite having such a lovely name as Sally, she could have such a nasty temperament.

“That name is the prettiest name I know. It’s too good for you.”

Then there was a thud, the sound of a skinny front paw striking the door.

Imagining the cat glaring at the door with a sullen face, Eloise couldn’t help but laugh, burying her face in the pillow with a soft chuckle.

Still, it’s fortunate that she can laugh like this. Although it’s a bit sad that this seems to be the first time she’s laughed since buying the rose on the street.

Whatever the case, the conclusion was one. To endure a little longer.

She still had no intention of getting married, so even if she returned home like this, it would just be a continuation of the same boring days as before.

She had left home with great determination, so she couldn’t return without having gained anything.

Of course, her beloved family was in Mayberry, but deciding how to live her life from now on was solely her responsibility.

Above all, the decisive reason for leaving home was that she thought if she went to the capital where everything was new, her painful and turbulent feelings would soon become indifferent.

But contrary to her thoughts, her heart had not yet become detached, and when she thought about her sister’s marriage, still…

“…Wait. What’s the date today?”

At that moment, Eloise sat up abruptly as if struck by lightning.

Her hair, which had been neatly fixed with a hairnet just this morning, was now disheveled.

“I must be crazy!”

The wedding of Ansel Blaine and Sarah Bailey was just three days away. So she had to write a letter right away.

If the letter didn’t arrive before the wedding, her family would be anxiously pacing until the day of the ceremony.

She couldn’t possibly cause any more worry on her sister’s precious day. Absolutely not.

Eloise, like someone out of her mind, frantically rummaged through her bag and pulled out paper and a pen.

Then she staggered to the desk and sat down, when suddenly she caught sight of her face reflected in the table mirror.

“Oh my, in just a few days, my face…”

In the mirror, a woman with a haggard and pallid face was staring back at her.

Even her deep blue eyes, which had always been called as pretty as jewels, were somehow clouded like an overcast sky.

Eloise, feeling distressed, touched her cheeks and then, feeling somewhat sorrowful, covered her face with both hands.

“Ah, truly nothing is easy. I’m completely out of it…”

She had thought that as a few days passed, she was getting used to the work since she could now keep up with a pace similar to the other female workers.

Can one become this exhausted just from sitting in one place and moving one’s hands from morning to evening?

Perhaps it’s because she’s being weighed down by the uniquely bleak atmosphere that hasn’t eased even after several days.

Having reached that conclusion, Eloise weakly rubbed her stiff eyes.

Unfortunately, her ideals and reality were as different as heaven and earth.

Earning money by one’s own power and being part of social development were undoubtedly wonderful things that could make one want to scream with excitement, but being cooped up in a stuffy factory for such long hours was undeniably grueling.

Moreover, the work was not enjoyable at all.

It might be absurd to expect labor to be fun, but still, it would have been better if she had found a more active job.

‘…No. I should at least try it for three months.’

Eloise shook her head vigorously to erase her thoughts.

Thinking negatively doesn’t help at all right now. If she had to go to work tomorrow anyway, it was better for her mental health to think positive thoughts.

“I must eat dinner today. It would be troublesome if my cheeks become hollow.”

Eloise muttered as if making a promise to herself, then shifted her gaze to the blank paper. It was finally time to write the letter.

Her fingers and wrists were aching, so it would be difficult to write as beautifully as usual, but she hoped that at least her sincerity would be conveyed prettily as she picked up the pen.

Soon, the pen nib began to race across the soft surface of the paper.

「Time flies like an arrow. Have you all been well?

Brightnam tends to have more cloudy days than Mayberry.

In fact, it started raining yesterday and still hasn’t stopped. And Mom, Dad, your cute Elsie caught a cold in that rain. I’m still coughing now. Cough!

It’s absolutely not serious, so please don’t worry too much. Thankfully, the kind Mrs. Mullitch said she would nurse me, so if I rest well for a few days like this, I think I’ll be fine soon.

But it seems I won’t be able to go to Mayberry, so what should I do about this…

The dress Mother made must have turned out to be the prettiest in the kingdom, right? I so wanted to see with my own eyes the most beautiful bride in Wellington wearing it.

And the garden of Fairmont House, which must have become as beautiful as heaven.

I wanted to bless my sister and scatter flower petals from the front row.

Thinking that I can’t do that now makes me so upset I feel like I could cry. Even God won’t understand how I feel.

I paid a generous deposit, and I’m starting to get used to the factory work little by little, so I can’t wrap up my life here right away, but as soon as I recover, I’ll get a short vacation and come down.

Surely the count’s painter will beautifully paint the wedding scene, right? I can’t wait to see it.

Please promise that you’ll all tell me everything that happened that day without missing a single detail.

Well, I’m coughing, so I’ll stop writing here. I love you.

Elsie.」

The letter, completed bravely with sincere feelings and a bit of skillful lying added, was to be sent to Mayberry on the mail coach departing early tomorrow morning.

Then, although it would be a bit tight, it should arrive before the wedding.

“Hah.”

Eloise, relieved at the thought that she had avoided a big problem, let out a deep sigh. Nevertheless, her heart was still not at ease.

The thought that she might completely ruin the occasion if she went to her sister’s wedding was still there.

Because she wasn’t confident she could put on a happy smile naturally beside her parents. She couldn’t guarantee that she wouldn’t inadvertently make a pained face or shed sorrowful tears.

The moment she showed that to Sarah, she would surely figure out the whole situation.

The bond between sisters is deeper than people think. And that momentary incident would become a painful thorn in Sarah’s delicate heart.

For a very long time.

Eloise wanted to avoid that at all costs. She didn’t want her beloved sister to suffer.

But not attending her sister’s wedding was equally painful.

It was even more so when she thought of her sister looking lonely three days later, seeing the empty seat of her only sibling in the middle of that vast garden.

“I’m sorry, sister… I’m afraid I might ruin everything.”

Because of this shabby heart that I haven’t been able to sort out yet.

“So it’s better if I don’t go.”

Eloise murmured in a tired voice as she folded the letter, pressing it firmly. Once again, a distant sigh escaped her.

Collapsing onto the desk next to the placed letter, she whispered.

“I’ll come to see you soon, Sally.”