As If I've Never Loved - Chapter 15

“Do you have something to say to me?”

“Sister…”

Eloise’s voice trembled without her realizing it.

That was because Sarah, who was looking at her, was also trembling.

Various thoughts crossed her mind.

Did Mother perhaps give her a hint? Or was she upset that I had been noticeably avoiding her lately?

Or did she already know the direction of my heart? Just as I knew her heart, did she also…?

Even just thinking about it made her heart sink, but whatever it was, it was true that there was something to say. Something that couldn’t be delayed any longer.

“Yes.”

Eloise, who answered in a small voice, stared at her sister blankly.

Then Sarah placed the candlestick she was holding on the bedside table and sat down next to her sister.

Her soft, warm hands gently stroked Eloise’s cheeks and quietly covered the back of her hands.

“It’s strange. I feel like I’m holding your hand after a very long time. Even though it was a hand I held several times a day. Right?”

“…”

“It’s sad to think that there will be days when I want to hold this hand but can’t. And that we can no longer fall asleep in the same room.”

But you’re not going far away, Sister. If we want, we can meet anytime. Because I will be here.

She wanted to answer like that, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

It was rare for Sarah to have this kind of conversation, and that’s why it felt bittersweet, but… now she really had to say it.

“…Sister, I’m going to the capital.”

“To the capital?”

Sarah’s eyes, like a clear lake, widened.

Her pale lips still had a gentle smile. She seemed to think it was a silly joke or a childish whim.

“I already told Mother, but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you…”

“…”

“Although it’s sad to be apart from you, I’m no longer a little child.”

Sarah, who had been silently looking into Eloise’s eyes, replied.

“Eloise, you’re serious.”

“Yes. It’s too sudden, isn’t it?”

Sarah didn’t say how Eloise would go to the capital or how she would manage even if she went. She only asked this.

“When are you thinking of leaving?”

“I’m going to take the stagecoach departing from Longfield the day after tomorrow morning. I’ll ask for understanding from our relatives and stay at their house, and I’ll also find a job. But I don’t intend to stay there for long. This is, in any case…”

“You don’t have to try to explain, Elsie. I was worried because you seemed to be constantly lacking energy these days, but I’m glad you seem to have found a way.”

Sarah smiled faintly.

Seeing that smile, Eloise felt a strange numbness in her fingertips. She felt nervous, as if she were a child who had stolen candy.

“I’m sorry I can’t be with you until the wedding, Sally.”

“No. I’m the one who’s sorry. As your sister, I should have been there for you… It seems like all the family’s attention was focused solely on my wedding, so I feel ashamed.”

“Well…”

Eloise was at a loss for words.

Well, it’s natural since there’s nothing more important than marriage in a woman’s life. Seeing her sister apologizing to her, who had been saying foolish things like every day was boring or that she missed her childhood, made her eyes burn uncontrollably.

“Oh, are you crying?”

Eloise shook her head wildly and hugged Sarah’s slender neck tightly instead of answering.

Her affection for her sister and her guilt seemed to mix together like dark clouds hanging over her head. It felt like it was about to rain in her heart at any moment.

“Don’t worry. It’ll be all right.”

Sarah whispered softly. Since Eloise had always been lively and brave since childhood, the story of her going to the capital alone wasn’t entirely surprising.

Although she was worried, Sarah knew that her sister would do well wherever she went.

Even though her sister was now half a hand taller than her, Sarah gently patted Eloise’s back just like when they were young.

After all, to Sarah, she would forever be her little Elsie.

They were both silent for a while.

Then, while patting her sister’s back, Sarah, who had rested her face on Eloise’s neck, asked quietly. Her voice was somehow faint.

“But you’ll come to the wedding, right?”

“…”

No. Even if I want to go, I won’t. Because I can’t ruin your happiness, Sister.

“Yes. Of course I have to go.”

Eloise answered in a kind voice. But she planned to send a letter on the wedding day saying that she had caught a cold.

Because she didn’t have the confidence to bless the two of them with a happy face at the wedding, which was less than a month away.

‘Although it’s sad that I can’t be with you on your important moment…’

But even after thinking about it again and again, it was right not to go.

She couldn’t leave a stain on the day that would be her sister’s most special day, a day that would become a memory to be cherished for a long time.

While thinking that, Eloise quickly added, concerned about Sarah’s voice.

“You know I’m not thinking of living in the capital permanently, right? I’m just going there for a change of scenery. I won’t be able to stay long anyway.”

“Why do you think that? You’ll be able to manage well wherever you are.”

Really, it wouldn’t be strange even if she was her mother, not her sister.

How can she be so mature when she’s only two years older? Sarah’s kindness always made Eloise return to being a spoiled little child.

“One day, I’ll suddenly come back crying and say I shouldn’t have gone, hugging you like this and whining. And I’ll come looking for you at the drop of a hat. Until you think it’s annoying. So Sarah, you better be prepared.”

Perhaps because they were tightly hugging each other, Eloise could fully feel Sarah laughing silently.

“I always welcome that.”

Sarah gently separated herself and quietly looked at her sister’s face.

She gently stroked her soft cheeks with her thumb, and when she meticulously fixed the brown hair that had escaped from under her nightcap, Eloise opened her mouth.

“I love you so much, Sister.”

“I love you too, our little Elsie.”

“You will become the most beloved wife, but I can pride myself on loving you more than that person.”

Eloise spoke firmly, as if making a vow. It seemed like she was also saying it to herself.

Sarah laughed like a gentle breeze. Her starry eyes were full of tender emotion.

“Shall we sleep together tonight like old times?”

It was a gentle question.

The bed was too small for the two grown girls to lie side by side, but Eloise smiled brightly as if she had been waiting.

“Yes. I want to hold you tight as we sleep.”

Time flowed like a river, and before they knew it, the morning when Eloise was leaving home had arrived.

It was a sudden story, so there were concerns, but fortunately, there was no opposition from the family.

‘I thought it wouldn’t be easy to persuade Mother, even if it was Father or Sister.’

Eloise felt anew that she had become an adult.

Of course, the fact that Mr. Simon was a very reliable person and that there was no room to worry about anything other than her sister’s wedding were big reasons.

“Oh, dear! Is that all your luggage?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m not thinking of staying long.”

Eloise smiled awkwardly.

It didn’t seem like she could return soon, as sorting out her feelings wasn’t something that could be done overnight.

She couldn’t say those circumstances frankly, so she packed light.

Mrs. Hurst, who had been staring blankly at Eloise, who looked more mature than usual with her rich brown hair neatly braided up, suddenly said, placing her hand on her chest.

“It’s sad to think that I won’t be able to see you and your sister coming down the stairs side by side in the morning anymore.”

“Ah…”

Eloise, who was about to habitually lie that she would be back soon, stiffened.

It was because the Baileys realized that their eldest daughter’s wedding was already just around the corner.

If her sister left home with her marriage, even if she returned, the same scene as before would be gone forever.

The fact that living together in the palace-like Fairmont House wasn’t entirely joyful was probably because they had to leave behind the memories ingrained in this old two-story house.

Time cannot be turned back, so life always moves forward.

Eloise thought it was ironic that although knowing this, there were times when she felt sad that she couldn’t stay in the same place.

“Hello. I’m here to pick up Eloise.”

A young man’s voice was heard from outside the wide-open gate.

It was Archibald, a servant from the earl’s residence who had come to take Eloise to where the stagecoach to the capital stopped.

“Archie is here. I really have to go now…”

At those words, Mrs. Bailey put a little more strength into her hand that was holding her daughter’s.

Eloise, wearing a dark navy dress with no decorations and a hat decorated in the same color, looked every bit a lady.

“Let go, Mother. I have to carry my luggage.”

“Let me hug you one more time, Elsie.”

The moment Mrs. Bailey hugged Eloise tightly, Mr. Bailey, who was standing next to them, burst into sorrowful tears.

“Oh, our Elsie…!”

At that, Eloise ended up laughing with tears in the corners of her eyes.

It was not surprising, as he was twice as sensitive as the women in the family.

While Mr. Bailey, who was shedding pearl-like tears, took Eloise from his wife, Mrs. Bailey muttered as if puzzled.

“By the way, why isn’t Sarah coming down? Is your sister still sleeping?”

“How could that be? Sister woke me up…”

Eloise, who also had a pensive expression, turned her body towards Archibald, who was standing with an anxious face, and said.

“It’s okay. We already said goodbye in the room. I have to go now so as not to miss the stagecoach. I’ll send a letter as soon as I arrive, so…”

“…Eloise!”

Then, with the sound of running down the stairs, a desperate cry was heard.

Surprised lights appeared on the family’s faces at the behavior that was unlike the modest Bailey’s eldest daughter.

Male lead is a Divorced Husband

She said to him: “Tell me, what makes you like me? I’ll change it!”

Liu Changning transmigrated into a female cannon fodder character in a female-dominant novel.

After reading the first half of the novel’s plot, the first thing she did upon transmigration was to divorce the Pan Jinlian-style male protagonist she had just married.

She indulged herself, pretending to be ugly and poor.

But as time passed, the way that man looked at her became more and more unusual…

Liu Changning was dumbfounded: Tell me, what makes you like me? I’ll change!

――

This lifetime, Pei Yuanshao was rejected by the same woman twice!

The first time, she drove him away. Forced by the situation, he endured the waves of anger in his heart, yielding and humbling himself.

That person lay slanted on a rocking chair, her sallow face emotionless: “If you don’t want a divorce, go cook!”

Pei Yuanshao’s face was dark and gloomy: “You!”

The second time, after the crisis in Jinling City was resolved, the new emperor sent someone to pick him up. He turned around, stammering: “I… I have to go. If you keep me…”

That person lay on the kang bed, her back to him, as if she had long anticipated this day, crisp and clear: “Goodbye!”

Pei Yuanshao was so angry his fingers trembled: “You… you!”

The mission of family and country made him restrain himself, averting his eyes and turning to leave this broken household.

Two years later, they met again. Seeing her ethereal face, his body shook like a sieve.

“She was originally a ‘she’!”

At the Qionglin Banquet, the top scholar of the imperial examination, a talented person with exceptional speech and conduct, all the unmarried young gentlemen from aristocratic families looked at her with shy and timid eyes.

The peerless imperial official Pei Yuanshao felt the anger in his heart erupt. He pointed at the woman surrounded by the crowd at the Qionglin Banquet, his thin lips slightly curled: “Little sister, I wants that person to be the wife-master of my Mingde Prince Manor.”

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