As If I've Never Loved - Chapter 12

Now, I can comfortably cry. The moment such a foolish thought crossed my mind.

As if in a lie, a voice was heard.

“Eloise.”

“…Archie?”

The blue eyes, as if they had moved the summer sky, blinked blankly.

“You, why are you here?”

“I should be the one asking that.”

Archibald wiped the beads of sweat flowing down his temples with his wrist and laughed playfully.

In his dark eyes, surprise and joy were thickly gathered.

Eloise groaned and raised her body.

Under the shade of the lush oak tree, Archibald’s tanned skin looked even deeper and more distinct.

When they were young, their heights were similar, but now she had to tilt her head back to meet his eyes.

That fact sometimes made her inexplicably resentful, but not anymore, so it seemed she had grown up too.

“So why are you out here instead of inside the mansion? And alone at that.”

“You don’t think I followed you here knowing you were here, do you?”

The young servant of the Earl’s house laughed in disbelief.

His laughter was so hearty that Eloise, at a loss for words, turned her face, and Archibald readily answered.

“I was on my way back from Mr. Cooper’s. Ah, he’s the Earl’s new gamekeeper. His cottage is near here.”

Eloise nodded, lowering her gaze. A slightly lowered voice followed.

“Now, tell me, Elsie. What are you doing here? Did you come to meet the young master?”

“No way.”

“…”

“I came here by chance. Somehow.”

The quick rebuttal was fine, but the added words were the problem.

To say that she accidentally walked here from the Mabel’s house, even she wouldn’t believe it. Moreover, it was a distance that took more than an hour, wasn’t it?

Eloise slumped down and added.

“I’m going to rest here for a bit and go back, so you should hurry inside too. See you on Sunday.”

At those words, Archibald also plopped down beside her.

“…Why?”

“I’m also going to rest here for a bit before heading back.”

“How bland… Do as you wish. But I won’t say a word. I have a lot on my mind, it’s complicated.”

Silence flowed for a moment. It was the moment when Eloise closed her eyes, feeling the breeze brushing her cheeks like a caress.

“Is it because of your sister’s marriage?”

“…”

Eloise flinched for a moment but decided to respond calmly.

“Yes. I can’t imagine living apart from my sister.”

“It must be depressing.”

“That’s true, but the two of them… love each other. Isn’t that a miracle, Archie?”

It’s a miracle. Archibald agreed.

“I’m so glad that sister’s fiancé is Earl Ansel. You know how diligently he visits our house, right? Ah, maybe you don’t know? Anyway… Thanks to Earl Ansel agreeing not to take Sally to the capital, we’ll be able to see each other often in the future. So it’s something to be grateful for.”

Unintentionally, Eloise rambled on and fiddled with her hair for no reason. A small question flashed through her mind right after.

“Ah, by the way, will Earl Ansel and sister live in Fairmont House?”

“You didn’t know? The mansion has been busy every day preparing the rooms for the young master and his wife. They’re also redecorating the garden for the wedding. The reason I went to see Mr. Cooper earlier was because of that.”

“Really?”

Come to think of it, she had heard from her mother. The story that sister would become the mistress of Fairmont House…

‘So that’s why she said that back then.’

After all, there was no other house in this area that was nice enough to his liking, and even if they built a new one, the timing wouldn’t match.

‘From now on, you’ll run into each other so often that it’ll feel like you’re living together. Maybe you’ll really end up living together.’

Then what did that person say?

Eloise knew that whenever Ansel visited, there was talk about wedding preparations, but she had desperately avoided attending, so she had no way of knowing the details.

“You know, Archie. Have you heard anything about not just sister, but our whole family living in Fairmont House?”

“There was no such talk. Why? Did the young master say that?”

Seeing the surprised look on the playful Archibald’s face, it seemed like he was really hearing this for the first time.

I knew it was said in the heat of the moment. He must have been upset because of my attitude.

“No.”

“Well, maybe it’ll happen someday. There are more than enough empty rooms.”

Archibald shrugged his shoulders and spoke indifferently. Eloise’s tone that followed was not much different.

“Yeah, that might happen. Then we’d be living in the same house. Of course, I could get married before that.”

“Are you thinking of getting married?”

“Huh?”

“I’m asking if you’re thinking of marrying someone other than the young master.”

Eloise’s heart sank. Somehow, she felt like her head was spinning.

“Archie… Why do you keep saying that since last time?”

“I’m sorry if I offended you. But I thought you wouldn’t marry anyone you didn’t love. You’re so stubborn. And a bit eccentric.”

“…”

Eloise, stubborn and even eccentric, was at a loss for words.

She was also surprised by the sharpness of her childhood friend who seemed to read her heart clearly.

Unfortunately, a woman’s marriage was closer to duty than love, and Eloise knew that someday she would have to marry someone other than Ansel.

In any case, it was something inevitable for the sake of the family.

But now that Sarah, the eldest daughter of the family, was getting married to a man who was incomparably wealthier than the grandson of an earl, in other words, Mrs. Fulham’s son-in-law, the situation was different.

The reason for the second daughter, who didn’t want to get married, to be forced into marriage had disappeared.

So Archibald must have asked such a question.

However, the reason Eloise had walked aimlessly this far was precisely to escape from this series of thoughts, even for a moment.

Moreover, she had no intention of letting her quick-witted childhood friend casually stir her heart from time to time.

The clear iris took on a resolute light.

“Archie, that person will become sister’s husband in about a month. Please don’t talk like that anymore. It’s true that we used to be comfortable with each other, but the situation has changed now. Do you understand?”

“Does not talking about it make the feelings of love disappear?”

“No, Archie! Liking…”

Eloise paused.

Archibald wasn’t even interrupting her, he was just listening with a serious face, but his eyes seemed to be saying this.

I know everything, Elsie.

“…You’re right, I liked him. It’s true. But not anymore.”

“Is that true?”

“Yes… So of course I can get married. I don’t know who it will be, but love comes suddenly, you know. So I think I’ll wait and see.”

“…”

Was it natural?

She was worried that he might question her again, but to her surprise, Archibald just nodded without a word.

In any case, it wasn’t a lie. At least in the near future, she would no longer like Ansel.

Because she was shedding her feelings for him day by day.

When her thoughts reached that point, it felt like her heart had been tightly squeezed and released, and the strength slowly drained from her body.

“Then I’ll really rest. I won’t answer anymore.”

As she mumbled softly and closed her eyes, Archibald, who had somehow sat closer, asked.

“Want to borrow my shoulder?”

“…Yes.”

Although it was a bit embarrassing to answer readily after making a solemn declaration, Eloise didn’t decline and rested her head on her friend’s shoulder.

“Wow, your shoulder is really useful. It’s so comfortable.”

The young servant of the Earl’s house didn’t reply at all.

It seemed like a silent consideration to really rest now, so a chuckle escaped. Having an old friend is really this comfortable.

With her eyes closed, she took a deep breath, and the fresh forest air filled her stomach.

He said he had been to the gamekeeper’s cottage, and a fresh scent of trees came from her childhood friend’s shoulders as well.

In the midst of that, Eloise detected a certain fragrance carried by the wind.

It was very faint and distant, yet strangely distinct. Enough to make her closed eyes flutter open.

‘…Bergamot?’

Soon, the moment she realized that smelling that scent was her own delusion, Eloise felt like crying instead.

“I love you.”

I finally confessed.

Although the fear was great, hiding my feelings any longer was more painful, so in the end, I had no choice but to pour everything out to him.

In order to live. As desperate as a fish pulled out of the water, twisting its body to return to the depths, was my confession.

For some reason, sister’s marriage was nonexistent.

Eloise thought she must have been dreaming for a very long time.

Thanks to that, I could finally convey my feelings, how fortunate was that?

“I have loved you… Only you for a long time, Ansel.”

My tightly clenched fists trembled. There was anxiety that he might not accept me, but the relief was greater.

“I didn’t know, Eloise.”

Then Ansel replied.

“I have been loving you too. From the beginning.”

The moment I heard his confession, tears burst out like a lie.

The gentle eyes that held the boundless summer sunlight were shining kindly, embracing Eloise like that.

Those eyes that she loved, unchanged from childhood.

In Ansel’s broad embrace, Eloise pondered how to write about today in her diary.

Something this beautiful can never be put into writing. It feels like I’ve encountered the most beautiful moment of my life too soon.

Even if the rest of my life feels boring because of that, I didn’t mind.

No, life with him could never be boring.

Happy tears poured out uncontrollably. But the warmth of the tears flowing down my cheeks was strangely distinct.

That was the reason Eloise was pulled out of the sweet dream and into reality in an instant.

“…”

It was a quiet dawn.

Wiping the flowing tears with the back of her hand, she turned her head and immediately saw her sleeping sister.

The beautiful and peaceful profile of the bride who would promise eternity to that person in a month.

It was a matter of a moment for the tears of joy to turn into tears of remorse.

“This can’t go on…”

A damp sigh dispersed in the air.

Eloise, who pulled the blanket over her head so that her sister wouldn’t wake up from the sobbing sound, muttered as she tightly closed her aching eyes.

“I have to leave.”

*

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Link to read 

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