That’s why I wrote two scenarios—one containing the truth of that day, and the other containing a lie.
Because of my ugly heart. Because I harbor that ugly heart.
Even though I had firmly decided that I must convey the truth of that day to you, in the end, I once again made the resolution to return like a boomerang to my original state.
The result of the shaking of my heart was these two scenarios.
So, in the first scenario, I included the truth.
The day I lost my phone at the airport and rolled my foot in frustration. The call to Joon’s house with a trembling heart ending abruptly with a long dial tone.
In the end, the night soaked with tears, the memory of that day that flowed endlessly like a stream of tears—that was the truth of that day.
The second scenario contained a lie that seemed like the truth.
Returning from Japan to Korea, I faced reality as if waking up from a dream. What I considered a small deviation, crossing the line hastily in the loneliness of living with the unfamiliarity of love with Joon in a foreign land.
In the end, there exists a likely memory that I marked the end of this relationship alone—a truth-like lie about that day.
Dragging the two files containing the first scenario [Scenario_Breakup] and the second scenario [ScenarioBreakup], I placed them in the center of the desktop. Within these seemingly identical small squares, completely different conclusions were enclosed.
Leaving the email window open, with Joon’s email address typed out, I hesitated for a long time, unable to click on either of the two squares, just staring blankly.
Even when I pressed firmly on the scenario containing the truth, I wondered how you, after reading this email, would react. Due to the ugly imagination spreading vigorously like branches, my hand returned to click on the empty space on the desktop. Simultaneously, there was even a thin sigh.
I just lingered there for a long time.
I, who hesitated for so long in front of these two small squares, couldn’t become confident even in front of you. It was pathetic.
From the moment I folded my heart into these small squares, I, who became smaller and smaller, closed my eyes tightly. In a hazy state where the intoxication did not recede, I comforted myself, saying it was something I had to do anyway.
And then, I made up my mind.
I dragged one square, attached it, and pressed the send button. It felt like my whole body was relaxing. I stayed that way for a while, burying my face in my knees. My exhaling breath gradually became rough.
Sigh…
When I opened my mailbox, it was chaotic. If I didn’t check the emails that came in by the dozens every day, it would truly become a jungle.
If it weren’t for titles with the word ‘Director,’ I would have doubted whether this was my mailbox or if I accidentally opened the spam mailbox. The quantity of emails that I didn’t have the courage to read filled the mailbox. With the intention to see how far this emptiness went, I scrolled down. Emails endlessly continuing below.
Ah, I should just say I deleted them thinking they were spam and bear it.
I laughed at the disappointment that this alternative thought was no different from a middle school student’s trick. However, that short laughter didn’t last long.
Already, my head was complicated throughout the day because of thoughts about today. In the midst of this, I once again recalled the expression I saw today. I recalled that expression I had thought about dozens of times until it became a deep night.
To be asked to write the breakup as a scenario. Because I didn’t want to ask you directly about the reason for our breakup and make you cry again. Because that’s frightening.
In the end, using the excuse of a meager film director position, I cornered you. The guilt, as if forcibly grabbing your delicate wrist and dragging you back to the painful time, presses heavily on my chest.
Kim Joon, you are right to be upset.
However, I couldn’t help it, really. Even watching you flinch at my small gesture, I couldn’t do anything.
Because you couldn’t just cross the line I drew in front of me recklessly or quietly stay beyond it.
After a dry wash, I glanced roughly with my eyes. I saw an email with the subject [Emergency] here and there. Looking at the sending time, there was a gap of several hours between the time I checked this email that needed urgent attention and the time it arrived. The word “emergency” looked pale. I moved the cursor to the emergency email at the very back.
That’s when it happened. One sentence appeared at the bottom.
“[Email from Lee Haru has arrived.]”
Without a moment’s hesitation, I passed by several emails with the subject [Emergency] and moved the cursor to the email that had just arrived at the top.
There was no falsehood on my part. Because my situation was more urgent now. The number one urgent email for me was indeed Lee Haru’s email.
The first thing that caught my eye was the attachment. The title was [Scenario_Breakup]. The word “breakup” that blatantly occupied one side of the title momentarily tightened the corners of my eyes. And at that moment, my hand, entangled in the strings of reason, couldn’t move forward and paused for a moment.
Facing the truth I had wanted to know so badly. I was afraid. It had been nine years.
In the space where I had several empty puzzles, I had put a white puzzle that I had drawn nothing in as I pleased. After drawing the reason for this cruel breakup that I had imagined onto the puzzle and repeatedly placing another white puzzle and drawing a different picture, I stared at the puzzle board I always forced together and felt frustrated. Nothing changed.
A day passed. I was left behind. We broke up. But I couldn’t break up. I was trapped in the cruel memories of my first love.
I looked at the filename once again with a gaze that seemed to pierce the monitor.
[Scenario_Breakup]The real puzzle that I wanted to hold so badly but couldn’t put my hands on would be inside this. The moment to take out the poorly fitting puzzle and replace it with the real one had come.
I gripped the mouse tightly. And then.
“[Email from Lee Haru has arrived.]”
I guess there was something to add.
Without care, I decided to concentrate on this moment. I clicked on the file. The familiar Hangul window began to take its place in the center. I closed my eyes. I could feel it even without putting my hand on my chest. My heart was beating uncontrollably.
When I opened my eyes again, I saw a notification window at the bottom again, saying, “[Email from Lee Haru has arrived.]” I wondered what was going on, but decided to check in order. For now, I’ll start with the scenario you sent.
My heart was beating faster and faster, to the point where I felt like I should grab it. I quickly scrolled down from the first line of the scenario that filled the monitor. I swallowed dry saliva.
“Sigh…”
As I read a few lines down, a dry sigh burst out of my mouth.
Male lead first thought she played hard to get, only to realize she
really disliked him
Short intro:
What she can’t stand the most is the streets full of effeminate men, especially that so-called top beauty whom she avoids at all costs.
Shen Yaoxing looks at Jiang Mingyue, who keeps approaching her with coy shyness.
Shen Yaoxing: Bro, don’t be like this, I’m really about to throw up!
She fears nothing in heaven or earth, except for him getting close to her.
*
At first he thought she was just using the trick of feigning indifference to attract his attention. Later, he learned that she truly despised him.
This dealt a heavy blow to Jiang Mingyue, and he vowed to make her, like everyone else, fall at his feet in worship!
***
Synopsis:
Before transmigrating, Shen Yaoxing only wanted to find a reliable man to spend her life with. Who knew that after transmigrating, she would become a reliable woman herself…
A forced misandrist, highly skilled, and reliable female lead
vs.
An initially aloof and arrogant, later morbid, obsessed male lead
_____
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