“Elder brother. You’ll really die if you keep this up. You absolutely can’t take those pills.”

“He’s right, sir. Four years ago, you nearly died from an overdose of sleeping pills. If I had found you just a little later back then…”

“Stop nagging.”

Jae Ho raised his hand, cutting off Manager Jung’s words. Then he spoke to Dr. Kim in an awkward tone.

“You must have been startled last night, doctor. You didn’t have to come all the way here. Kim Byung Hoon went too far.”

Dr. Kim ignored Jae Ho’s excuses and entered treatment mode. He adjusted his glasses and posture as he sat up straight.

“How were you today? Another nightmare? Did the darkness ripple as if it had a form? Or did it specifically take on a human shape?”

“Doctor.”

“Or was it a distinct person?”

Dr. Kim continued asking, his sharp eyes gleaming.

Dr. Kim, a genius in the psychiatric field in his late 40s, was Jae Ho’s secret physician. As an orphanage graduate who received sponsorship from the Tae family to follow an elite path and graduate from university, he looked after Jae Ho like a younger brother.

“Tell me quickly, Jae Ho.”

“Yeah. Hurry up and tell us, elder brother.”

“Sir, it’s best if you speak up…”

“Enough, everyone.”

Jae Ho pressed his temples firmly.

“Does no one have any privacy? Don’t you all have things to do? Just give me one sleeping pill and go.”

But the three of them didn’t budge an inch.

“Now that we’re here, we can’t just leave. Answer the question. It’s an order from your doctor.”

Jae Ho gave up the fight, let out a short sigh, and answered in a low voice.

“It was a rippling form.”

“Not a human shape?”

“No. Just like a lump.”

“Then fortunately, it’s still in the early stages. You need to be careful not to let the hallucinations appear. It becomes dangerous if they start to take on specific shapes and threaten you like last time. It’s a big problem if they suddenly appear in broad daylight.”

“……”

“You know better than anyone that a few pills won’t solve this. We need to find a fundamental solution. Have you had any changes in your state of mind recently?”

At that question, both Byung Hoon and Manager Jung glanced at each other. Eventually, Byung Hoon opened his mouth.

“Da Jung broke up with him, doctor.”

“You met Yoon Da Jung? Finally?”

Dr. Kim’s eyes widened. It was a fact he naturally learned while staying by Jae Ho’s side for treatment purposes.

“Ah. Doctor, you didn’t even know they met. Then let me briefly explain that first.”

Byung Hoon concisely summarized the long story. Dr. Kim nodded.

“So she left. Da Jung.”

Jae Ho, somehow strangely agitated, growled in a low voice.

“No. We just had a fight. I’ll get her back.”

Dr. Kim cleanly ignored him and replied.

“I brought some nutritional supplements and tea. Try to make it through the night with those. There should be no need for a prescription.”

“Doctor.”

“Rather than getting a prescription from me, I think it would be faster to resolve the conflict with Yoon Da Jung.”

Dr. Kim was firm. Byung Hoon chimed in.

“See? Elder brother. Don’t be so stubborn. And I don’t see any other way. Why don’t you just be honest with Da Jung? You’ve done enough.”

Jae Ho’s eyes darkened for a moment, but Byung Hoon, still drowsy from lack of sleep, didn’t immediately notice the situation. He yawned loudly and continued.

“Elder brother. Even if Da Jung learns that you’re Kim Sung Hyun, she’s kind so she’ll understand everything. So now just…”

Jae Ho’s pupils turned cold.

“Byung Hoon.”

“Yes, elder brother.”

“How can you say that?”

“……”

“How can I say that with my own mouth? Why are you two ganging up on me like this?”

His hand, which had swept over his fiercely hardened face, slipped off.

Jae Ho looked down at his hand and clenched it into a fist. As if hiding the words that shouldn’t be said in his fist, his fingertips tensed up.

“Elder brother. I’m sorry.”

Byung Hoon, finally grasping Jae Ho’s state, tried to handle the situation in a panic. But Jae Ho’s emotions, untied like a knot, flooded out like a deluge.

“How can I…”

To you, I am just a sinner.

Even knowing that, I couldn’t give up, so I decided to ask in the end.

“How can I?”

The beginning of your misfortune.

“How can I bring myself to say it?”

If we trace back to the root of your misfortune, with your family collapsing, your life collapsing, and ultimately your fate collapsing…

There I am.

“How can I say with my own mouth that I took Woo Jung’s life and am living in his place?”

13 years ago, I survived while leaving behind in the flames a friend I considered a blood brother.

In our spirited youth, when we easily swore oaths about anything, I prided myself on a friendship where we could even share our lives. But in the end, I couldn’t keep that promise. Life was much heavier than the lighthearted jokes of teenage boys.

Fate was but a fleeting moment.

“All of Yoon Da Jung’s misfortune is my fault, so how can I say that?”

Even so, unable to burn away my heart that held only you, I ultimately came this far.

Jae Ho finally crumbled. Manager Jung left to get water and Byung Hoon couldn’t even bring himself to console him. Jae Ho’s breathing was so ragged it seemed difficult to breathe. Dr. Kim helped him relax his breathing by his side.

“Come on. Breathe. Long breaths, Jae Ho. You’re good at this. Yes, that’s it.”

I tried to forget.

Countless nights, I thought of your shattered life while wailing with guilt. Because the weight of my sins was by no means light, I could no longer dare to desire you.

Yet the seed that is you ultimately flew and took root in my heart. Laying a solid foundation as if building a long-lasting house, nourished by your flower-like smiles and sunlight-like voice, it grew tall and strong.

Even though I did nothing.

You, who became a great tree that I can no longer fully embrace with both arms.

Now there is no turning back.

“Here, have a glass of water.”

Manager Jung approached and handed over water. Jae Ho drank it in one gulp and gradually regained his breath.

I wanted to become your destiny.

Like a princess in a fairy tale, I wanted to become your beautiful ending, so you could say you met your prince and lived happily ever after.

“Someone ruined the plan. I will execute them.”

Jae Ho spoke slowly, closing his eyes.

“And Da Jung… I’ll make it work somehow. I’ll persuade her.”

I may not be able to be your prince on a white horse, but I am still your man.

Steps that I have no choice but to take because I don’t know how to let go.

Dr. Kim nodded and prepared to leave. Having assessed the situation, there was no need to stay longer.

“I understand. Don’t get more agitated tonight. Try to sleep comfortably, and let’s meet at the hospital soon.”

“I’m not going. It’s Sung Hyun having the nightmares, not me.”

Jae Ho refused, waving his hand.

“Kim Sung Hyun is Lee Jae Ho. Trying to separate the two is dangerous thinking.”

“I am Lee Jae Ho. Kim Sung Hyun burned to death 13 years ago. No, he should have died. He has nothing to do with me.”

**

That day, on the school trip, Jae Ho shared a room with Woo Jung.

Sniffling since morning with cold symptoms, Woo Jung complained of chills by evening and wore two jackets. In the end, Jae Ho told the teacher and got him excused from the evening assembly hall schedule.

Instead, he wasn’t allowed to wander outside and was only permitted to rest in the lodging. Jae Ho ended up staying with him as both a guardian and supervisor.

‘It’s so quiet now that everyone’s gone.’

Woo Jung mumbled, using up a whole tissue. Jae Ho quietly put down the book he was reading and gave him a worried look.

‘You okay?’

‘Hyun.’

Instead of answering, Woo Jung called out to Jae Ho.

‘Sung Hyun.’

‘Yeah.’

‘You like our Da Jung, don’t you?’

Thump. His heart sank.

He remembers not being able to look at his friend and just fiddling with the corners of his book. Woo Jung grinned and unrolled another tissue to put to his nose.

‘Was it a secret? It’s so obvious though.’

‘Yeah. I like her. That’s how it turned out.’

An embarrassed and awkward answer, but one he didn’t want to avoid, so he gave it quite honestly.

‘What do you like about her? She’s an ugly duckling.’

Woo Jung asked jokingly. Coming from Yoon Woo Jung who always proclaimed his sister was terribly pretty, ugly duckling was surprising. More than any other question, that word made Jae Ho’s brows furrow slightly.

‘An ugly duckling? She’s pretty.’

The answer slipped out before he knew it.

‘Too pretty.’

Woo Jung scrunched up his face playfully and shrugged.

‘Wow. You’re worse than me?’

‘….’

‘That’s why Kyung Jun hates you. He probably liked Yoon Da Jung since birth. As long as you like our Da Jung, you’ll keep clashing with him.’

‘I don’t care about that jerk.’

Woo Jung chuckled.

‘Yeah. But it seems like he’s quite bothered by you.’

Jae Ho didn’t respond. Lee Kyung Jun. He had a feeling they would be rivals for a very long time but tried hard to ignore it.

The two were silent for a while.

It wasn’t a particularly awkward silence between them. They each spent time on their phones or reading books. Then suddenly, Woo Jung spoke again.

‘It’s strange.’

‘What is?’

‘I was originally planning to say this next year… But I keep wanting to say unnecessary things. Maybe because it’s so quiet.’

Then he straightened his posture from sitting at an angle.

‘Kim Sung Hyun.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Our Da Jung likes you too.’

For a moment, his vision flashed white.

Not a single letter from the book entered his eyes. His heart pounded as if it would burst. Jae Ho didn’t know what expression to make, so he just pretended to keep reading, but he couldn’t even tell if he was holding a book right now.

‘I don’t think she’s realized her feelings yet because she still doesn’t know her own heart. But it won’t be long. You should see how conscious she is whenever you come over. Ugh. I really hate that tint. That bright red color.’

‘Tint?’

‘The thing girls put on their lips. Every girl has one.’

After thinking for a bit, Jae Ho mustered up the courage to say:

‘…But Da Jung is pretty even without that stuff.’

‘Hey! She’s pretty because she uses all that.’

No. She’s pretty even without it. Jae Ho added one more thing in a small voice. Woo Jung laughed briefly.

‘Wow. This cold is terrible! Really.’

Woo Jung rolled up another tissue in his hand.

‘Maybe it’s because I’m sick. Hyun.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Later, when our Da Jung realizes her feelings, make sure to treat her well.’

‘….’

‘I just feel like making this request tonight. Out of the guys I know, you’re the most trustworthy. Well, you two will figure it out, but as her elder brother, let me meddle a bit. I like you way more than Lee Kyung Jun. Take good care of my little sister.’

Those words lingered in his memory like an afterimage for a long time.

Take good care of her.