11 Virtues A Hero's Civilian Friend Must Uphold - Chapter 53

If emotions were waves, Jae Kyung was always a calm sea.

He had been like that since childhood. Unlike other children who cried when sad and laughed when happy, he rarely showed his feelings outwardly.

Moreover, the range of emotions he felt was limited, so he remained indifferent while watching movies that made most people cry in sympathy, and cast an apathetic gaze at variety shows that had others laughing out loud.

The fact that he had some difficulty experiencing emotions was quite helpful for Jae Kyung, who had been an orphan since birth.

To survive in that harsh environment where no one in the world helped him and where he couldn’t find a single good person among the adults he met, he had to be indifferent to everything.

The year he turned fifteen, he killed someone for the first time.

And he caught the eye of the boss who laughed, saying his budding talent was interesting, and joined the organization.

He knew that every step he took and everything he did was a crime, but he felt no guilt.

He was inherently unable to feel such things, and the weakness of shedding tears together over the pain of others caused by him was of no help whatsoever in his harsh life.

I wonder if that person’s blood will be red when I stab them.

Even other members of the organization clicked their tongues at Jae Kyung, who killed people without batting an eye.

Even for a group of criminals, one might expect some basic human emotions, but for Jae Kyung, those were like parts that could be detached and reattached.

He could be kinder than anyone when he wanted to be, but also crueler than anyone depending on the situation.

He was someone who could be both a savior and a murderer towards the same target.

Because of this talent, Jae Kyung had to live various lives after joining the organization.

Sometimes he was a civil servant, sometimes a student preparing for the bar exam, and when necessary, he was even a low-level employee at some company.

He became the appropriate person in the necessary place, obtained what was wanted, and formed connections with the necessary people.

Operations sometimes lasted for a month, sometimes for over half a year, but the results were always the same.

He always perfectly carried out the tasks given to him, and afterwards, even if those he had deceived cursed him with tears of blood, it never caused any disturbance in Jae Kyung’s heart.

He never hesitated to put a gun to the head and pull the trigger on someone he had been drinking with as close brothers just the day before, or to strangle the life out of someone he had been whispering words of love to moments earlier.

To such a person, Yoon Na Eun was a typhoon.

The beginning was easy, the process unfamiliar, and the ending uncertain as a rather strange time passed by.

‘What are you thinking about?’

‘Huh? Nothing. I just thought it was strange that I wanted to beat you, but somehow ended up liking you instead.’

At the time, Jae Kyung convinced himself it was because he had never seen such an honest person before.

Yoon Na Eun was someone who excessively revealed her emotions to others without hiding them.

She accepted his confession right away without blushing and pretending to refuse, and throughout their relationship, she expressed her love for him without a hint of hesitation.

This always straightforward person was quite an unfamiliar type to Han Jae Kyung.

After they officially started dating, strange rumors spread in the academy they attended.

There was a childish story, not even worth acknowledging, that Na Eun was dating Jae Kyung out of jealousy, intentionally trying to interfere with his studies to aim for the top spot.

Just as he was considering whether to stamp out these trashy rumors, Na Eun burst into the study room and whispered to Jae Kyung.

‘Jae Kyung, did you hear? The rumor that I’m dating you on purpose to lower your grades.’

‘…I know it’s not true, Na Eun. Don’t worry too much about things like that.’

‘Yeah! I know you won’t believe it, but I was still worried so I came. I really, really like you. It’s true that I’m jealous because you study better than me, but that’s not why I’m dating you. I like you as much as I’m jealous.’

If emotions were expressed as snacks in a box, Yoon Na Eun was like jelly in a transparent bag inside a clear glass container.

She revealed everything without any intention of hiding, showing all that was inside. Moreover, the contents were only sweet.

To Jae Kyung, who was used to concealing his true feelings, silently gauging others’ intentions, and engaging in wordless mind games, she was a type of person he had never encountered before.

‘Hey, Yoon Na Eun. Are you two the only ones in the study room? Keep it down a bit.’

‘Ah, sorry. But I came because it was urgent. You heard the rumor too, right? What if Jae Kyung misunderstands after hearing it and breaks up with me?’

When another student sitting a bit away from Jae Kyung complained in annoyance, Na Eun apologized sincerely and said that.

She was amazingly honest, yet seemed incapable of harboring any negative emotions.

While revealing her feelings of inferiority towards Jae Kyung, she didn’t use them to attack him or express them as anger.

It wasn’t that she knew how but was holding back, it was as if she simply didn’t know how at all.

She was easy to handle yet difficult. Light yet not lightweight.

When held, she was naturally caught, and knowing that it would be easy to manipulate her if force was applied, he suddenly realized he was loosening his grip, afraid of breaking her.

‘Jae Kyung.’

With eyes that curved as soon as they found him, she spoke of love without any pretense.

‘I like you.’

He had been in relationships several times while on missions. But the weight of that confession felt strangely heavy.

Sensing the wind starting to whirl strangely over his sea, Jae Kyung detected danger.

His sharp mind, realizing that an unexpected variable was beginning to appear in his life that had been unwavering until now, warned him to retreat quickly, and Jae Kyung promptly followed that warning.

He predicted that if he acknowledged something that was starting to shake him, his life, which had been and would be calm, would become arduous.

Turbulent weather is bound to pass if you wait for a while.

He chose to hide beneath the surface for a moment, avoiding the typhoon that had briefly visited his calm sea.

So he withdrew, but Yoon Na Eun was more persistent than he had expected.

‘Tell me why you’ve come to dislike me. I’ll fix it.’

‘…’

‘I like you so much, Jae Kyung.’

Seeing Na Eun, who had come all the way to the gates of another school full of male students, confessing to him in tears after he had coldly pushed her away, Jae Kyung felt butterflies for the first time in his life, and at the same time, he was afraid.

I have to abandon her.

As he wiped her crying cheeks with his palm, he inwardly resolved.

Let’s abandon her.

He participated in operations again. He had to finish the mission quickly and remove this foreign substance that had attached itself to him as soon as possible. That was the only way he wouldn’t get hurt.

If he left that sincerity to keep gnawing at him like this, he sensed that his once-perfect self would be ruined.

He intended to clear away the first clumsy flutter he had felt by taking Yoon Na Eun’s life with his own hands.

He gave her countless chances along the way, but Yoon Na Eun spectacularly squandered them all.

She, who had always been on the protagonist’s side even in movies, always protected her great friends.

There was a time when he headed to the restaurant where she was, intending to pick up Na Eun who had suddenly been left alone while eating with the two of them due to an unexpected terrorist attack.

Jae Kyung took the opportunity to do some groundwork to separate Na Eun from K and L, pretending to be concerned.

Considering that similar situations had occurred several times, Jae Kyung cautiously suggested that she distance herself from them.

No matter what the circumstances, abandoning a friend and leaving like this, and having it repeat several times, isn’t that a relationship that doesn’t consider each other?

Can such people really be called good friends?

He broached the subject very carefully and politely, but what he received in return was Na Eun’s unexpectedly cold attitude.

‘Jae Kyung.’

Na Eun, who had always been smiling at Jae Kyung, spoke to him seriously for the first time.

‘You’re the most precious to me, but my friends are precious too. I’m fine with it, I understand, so I don’t like you saying anything.’

‘…’

‘Don’t speak badly of my friends.’

Yoon Na Eun is kind, but not simply nice. She’s just a person with her own clear standards.

Even after realizing this, the foolish Jae Kyung at the time kept trying.

He hoped to remove them from Na Eun’s values and establish himself as the standard in their place.

If so, perhaps, there might have been a slightly different outcome. …Maybe he wouldn’t have had to kill her with his own hands.

But Yoon Na Eun never wavered once, and he finally gave up the last strand of misplaced hope he had been holding onto.

That day, he gave her a chance until the very last moment. Please, tell me. Everything you know.

To belong to me and do whatever I say, to abandon unnecessary sense of justice.

But Yoon Na Eun, born the way she was, ultimately did not choose Jae Kyung.

So Jae Kyung decided, finally, to abandon her.

He decided to do so.

Arrogantly, without realizing that he was already incapable of doing so.

“That day, I was the one torn to pieces after being abandoned by you.”

Her beautiful eyes, tearing up but not crying, say that she was the one abandoned.

“So don’t make that expression like you’re the one who’s been abandoned now.”

No. You abandoned me.

Jae Kyung hid the desperate desire to refute in the eyes that glared at him accusingly.

He knew he could no longer restore anything in this already broken relationship.

The proof was that he could no longer find anything but resentment and anger in any gaze directed at him.

The curved eyes, brightening expression, and joyfully rising corners of the mouth that used to appear just by looking at him could never be found again.

These were the things he had arrogantly thought he could abandon on his own, and everything he had lost due to that pride.

Three years ago on that day, as he embraced this small body falling through the air, Jae Kyung, who realized love simultaneously with his completely crumbling heart, wanted to tell Na Eun that she no longer needed revenge.

You were already killing me. From that day three years ago.

By making me unable to love you anymore and unable to be loved by you anymore.

Leaving scars of a past that can never be returned to.

“I love you.”

Like a villain, he broke the taboo that should not be violated. He stepped into the place she called sacred without even dusting off his feet.

Her teary eyes instantly turned cold.

Na Eun’s expression upon hearing his love was distorted with anger more than any insult could have caused.

“…So this is what you meant by tormenting me.”

Na Eun raised the corners of her mouth. Her eyes were not smiling at all.

She calmly stabbed his love that had disgraced her. I know it’s a lie. But since you dared to say it, I’ll answer.

She smiled, saying she would respond to his pathetic confession.

“I hope your love is sincere.”

“…”

“Because then your heart will always be in hell.”

How did you know? You’re really smart. Jae Kyung silently agreed.

Smiling along with her, he didn’t bother to hide that his heart was always in hell, and that it was endlessly falling.

There was no reason to hide from her, who would never believe his love anyway, and didn’t want to believe it.

It was a feeling that would never be conveyed.

What fell from the rooftop of that abandoned building that day was not Yoon Na Eun, but Han Jae Kyung’s love.

And Han Jae Kyung knew that his fall would never end.

As she wished, he had been in hell all along.

From that day three years ago until now, he had been wandering in the abyss continuously.

The great typhoon that had visited his sea had never stopped raging against him.

Yoon Na Eun was not passing weather, but an eternal disaster.